Still Need To Be Nice

CP: It's not their fault. 

ME: What isn't?

CP: That patients are forced to call pharmacies for Adderall and other backordered products. 

MICE ELF: Right. 

CP: But it hasn't stopped pharmacies from treating them with disdain and being rude about the calls. 

ME: Big Meanies!

MICE ELF: And let me guess, they're not only hostile about it, but they're not telling callers if they have it because "I'm afraid I'll get robbed"?

CP: Yes. Although Adderall has never really been atop the pharmacy theft list. 

MICE ELF: That's pretty lame. 

CP: I get it. Under normal circumstances, I rarely provide inventory information on most C-IIs. 

ME: But this isn't normal circumstances. 

MICE ELF: And we do get questions about the oddball medication from time to time. 

CP: Indeed. And if hospitals or offices call, I'm fine with telling them what I have. The problem with pharmacists refusing to tell callers if they have products in stock, and being rude about it, has nothing to do with concern about theft. Now, I have to deal with people calling saying "Hi. I'm an RN from a doctor and wanted to know. . . "

ME: No. No you're not. That's not how they speak. 

MICE ELF: You could at least try. Put some effort into your knavery. 

CP: All true. 

ME: What about "I'm keeping it in stock for my regular patients"? 

CP: I'm okay with that. But be honest about it and not rude. It's surprising to me how many fellow colleagues are rude. 

ME: But they're too busy to deal with all the phone calls all day long. <sighs>

MICE ELF: We all feel the same. But we aren't all shitty about it. 

CP: Which makes me look good when people call and I either have it in stock or I locate a product at another location. 

ME: And don't lie to people.

MICE ELF: Let me guess. You're slipping this post in between a couple of Don't Be A Dick posts on purpose, aren't you? Thinking no one will notice?

CP: Hey, it doesn't take much to be nice and answer the question. Again, it is not the fault of the patient they have to call. We cannot complain that we won't call other stores for patients, expecting them to call themselves, then, when they actually DO call themselves, we treat them with disrespect, are rude, and whine "I'm afraid of robberies". Then treat them like shite. 

ME: We can't have it both ways. 

MICE ELF: Before CP says it, Don't Be A Dick. 

CP: It's not their fault. Say "yes", say "no". But, yeah, what MICE ELF said. 

#ItsNotTheirFault 
#DontBeADick 

#ThisIsntGoingAwaySoon 

Dick And Jane Refreshed

Dick and Jane go to the pharmacy (in America). 

CP asks them for their dates of birth.

CP: Jane, what is your DOB? 

Jane: 3/6/79. 

CP: <types 03/06/1979> Danke! Here's your prescription.

Jane: Bitte 

CP: Same question, Dick. 

Dick: The eleventh of August, 1982. (Or however you know they respond that isn't mm/dd/yy.)

CP: Why are you the way you are?

Dick: I was in the military. 

CP: Does this look like a military installation to you? Did we salute when you entered? 

Dick: We are the only country that doesn't do it that way. Other countries say the day first. 

CP: I know. They're also all on the metric system. Shall I convert all your dosages? Do you request petrol in litres? I have plenty of military in my family. Never once did I go anywhere with my family and, when asked for dates of birth, did they respond with 5th of May, 1977. Never. They knew the person asking for the information was entering it the American way, not the military way, or the "everywhere else in the world" way. When you are asked to enter your DOB online in the MM/DD/YYYY format, do you adapt to this? Or do you try to force your birthdate in using your format? Do you ring customer service and complain "that's not how I was taught"? My foreign language in HS was German. They say their numbers as two-and-twenty for "22" (zwei und zwanzig). They'd be right at home singing "4 and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie". Mayhap I learned to count through that song. Yet I don't say my day of birth as three-and-twenty. The answer to "what is the meaning of life" is not "two and forty", but "42". Sure, you sound cool to yourself. But you're a dick to everyone else. 

Dick: We're the only ones who. . . 

CP: No. YOU'RE the only one who does this. I start typing "11" then have to back up and fix it all because you think you're being cute. <whiny voice "military does it like this. other countries do it like this, wahhh".> Are we on base?

Dick: No. 

CP: In a country outside the USA?

Dick: No. 

CP: Could you adapt to the current situation? Which I'm sure is part of your military training? Happy, smile. Sad, frown. Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion. Give the correct answer to the correct audience. 

Dick: Well, I. . . 

CP: Then don't be a dick. 

Reading

CPP: Good Morning, CP!

CP: And good morning to thee as well. 

CPP: What do you have phor us today?

CP: General phuckery. 

CPP: Perfect. Can you be more specific?

CP: People are stupid. 

CPP: Yes. And I reiterate my request to be more specific. 

CP: What do you think is worse: The lack of reading what is right in phront of you? or the lack of reading comprehension?

CPP: Tough one. I'd say it's a tie. As I believe I know what this is about, I'm going to say everyone is a loser. 

CP: Here we go. 

UT: I put a sign on our new SigCap device. 

CP: Is it remarkable?

UT: It is! It's on a large, pretty pink Post-It with fluorescent gel pen. In beautiful, printed handwriting, large letters and all, it says: "NO PEN. USE FINGER TO SIGN." I even added a few little flourishes to draw the eye. 

CP: Phool-Proof! 

UT & CP: hahahahahahahaha

CP: What about our vaccine sign? Did you phreshen that up a bit?

UT: I did. I placed it on the side we don't use at pick-up. It reads: "PLEASE STEP TO DROP OFF WINDOW FOR ALL VACCINES!"

CP: That should keep people away phrom pickup and help us run efficiently. 

UT: No one is going to believe you typed this all with a straight phace. 

CP: <shrugs> Reality Bites. 

CPP: Ok. I see the new signs. UT did a great job. 

UT: <bows> Danke. 

CPP: Back to the reading lesson, CP. What happened?

CP: No one reads the sign on the SigCap device. No one. They will look all around, grab the power cord and yank it, slap the counter in phrustration, and throw their hands in the air and wave them cuz I just don't care before I politely say "phinger" while pointing near the sign.

UT: But you always wait until you've had a good laugh. 

CP: Schadenfreude, baby. It's the little things that bring me joy in this world. 

CPP: And the other sign? 

CP: I love it when people head to drop off and this happens:

CP: "Dropping Off?" 

Didn't Understand My Board: "No. The sign said to come down here". 

CP: No it didn't. 

DUMB: Yes it did. 

CP: Go back and reread it. 

DUMB: <enunciating loudly and deliberately> STEP. TO. DROP. OFF. 

CP: Keep reading. 

DUMB: For. . . oh. 

CP: So, picking up then?

CPP: I see your point. 

CP: I've learned that people either don't read signs or, if they do, they don't comprehend what they read. 

CPP: Short attention spans. 

CP: You should read the book "Death At Yellowstone". There's a great section in there about signs and posters and warnings and people's ignorance of them. 

CPP: So which is worse? Not reading? or Not comprehending?

CP: Well if you don't read you can't mis-comprehend anything. 

CPP: Better to remain silent and be thought a phool than to speak and to remove all doubt. 

CP: Just goes to show, you can lead a man to an education but you can't make him think. 

Or should it be "You can give a man an education but you can't make him take it"?

PSA #8

UT: What is today's lesson, O Wise One?

CP: If YOU change something, you must relate that information to all affected parties. Should you forget to notify someone of said changes and it adversely affects their relationship with you, it is YOUR responsibility to fix it, not the uninformed parties with whom you conduct business. 

UT: Short version?

CP: YOU have to notify US any time you

-move (change address)

-change phone number(s)

-switch providers

-switch provider locations

-switch insurance(s) 

-stop taking a medication

-start a new medication (perhaps not filled with us)

-change strength (sans new Rx)

-change directions (sans new Rx)

-discover/develop new allergy/ies

-change preferred email

-change contact preferences 

-want us to order a specific manufacturer (yes, each time)

-die 

UT: Our computer doesn't know this. Your friends don't know this. No one knows any of these things have changed unless and until YOU tell them, directly. 

CP: Yes. Because INdirectly must be how everyone expects these notifications to take place.

UT: It's in the cloud. It's in "the system". 

CP: There's no "system". Any database is only as good as the information entered. 

UT: And THAT information comes from?
CP: YOU. 

UT: Next time you get mad that something changed to which we were not alerted, I shall place the mirror on the counter so you can vent to yourself. Because you're not smart enough, you're not good enough, and doggone it, people don't like putting up with your self-righteous, entitled bullshit". 

CP: As a coach and preceptor, I have always told my players and students: "I will never yell at you for not doing something I didn't teach you how to do". 

UT: Adulting is hard. No one told me I'd have to do things for myself. 

MICE ELF: You do lots of things for me. I appreciate you. 

UT: Awwww. And I appreciate you. 

CP: Be responsible and take your Tessalon#. 

#PhuhCough 

PSA #7

CPP: What are we discussing today?

CP: Back orders of medications. 

CPP: Again?

CP: Under the heading of PSA. 

CPP: Why?

CP: It occurred to ME that no one has properly explained what people, especially we in pharmacy, mean when we tell them asses a product is on back order. 

ME: For the last time, it's The Masses. 

MICE ELF: Tomato, Tomahto. 

CPP: You were saying?

CP: Back order - An item not currently in stock but to be sold or delivered when it becomes available; an order, or part of an order waiting to be filled. 

UT: Which means we have it on order but it is unavailable. 

CP: Yet people continue ask when it will be available. 

ME: I don't know. I don't make it. 

CP: When we will get it. 

MICE ELF: As soon as they make it. 

CP: Why some places can get it but others cannot. 

CPP: This is always a favourite of mine. There's a difference between "being able to get it and currently having possession of it". Yes, I currently have it. Once people find out, I will no longer have it because, like them asses, I cannot get it. 

ME: I give up. 
CP: We order from the same place. A pediatrician I have been working with the last few months calls me every Monday to check my inventory because I have been the lone star in town with Adderall, Concerta, Amoxicillin, et al. (Don't ask, I'm just awesome with my inventory skills.)

ME, MICE ELF, UT, CPP: <groan>

CP: Last week she called again and I finally had to tell her I was almost out of a couple items. She asked what to do now because "you have been my go-to for months". Yeah. I know. Which means you bled my inventory dry. As the last mainstay of these medications my provisions were bound to exhaust. 

ME They have ceased to be. 

MICE ELF: They are no more. 

UT: We are bereft of. 

CP: As for why some places HAD them, think about this. Can you buy a Pontiac? Packard? Oldsmobile? Sure. Used. Are they still making them? No. As long as someone has something that has been discontinued or is experiencing manufacturing issues, those that have it will continue to have it until they use, lose, or dispose of it. But it will not be replaced. 

CPP: “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.”

TOM: Don't bring me in to this. 

PSA #6

CP: Be prepared.

ME: This isn't the scouts. 

MICE ELF: But it is a good motto nonetheless. 

CP: When calling the pharmacy, or any business really, be prepared. Know what you want and be prepared to answer any relevant questions asked of you. 

CPP: Uh oh. What happened now?

CP: We've always discussed the similarities between our job and placing an order for pizza. 

ME: #PizzaIsntWorking 

MICE ELF: Right. 

CPP: How do you screw up ordering pizza?

Pizza The Hutt: What do you want?

CP: Um. Pizza? <to people in background> what do we want? pizza? wings? toppings? I can ask if they have that. Anyone want breadsticks? Breaded mushrooms? Jojo's? 

CPP: You're saying this should have all taken place PRIOR to phoning the pizza parlour?

CP: Right. 

MICE ELF: Ok. What's today's story for your Public Service Announcement?

CP: Enough people have called enough pharmacies looking for Adderall and other medications that they have to have been asked the same questions everywhere else by now. 

ME: True. 

CP: So why aren't they prepared? Why is it like pulling teeth?

CP: CP's House of Phlapjacks. How may I help you?

Adderall Seeker Speaking: Do you have Adderall?

CP: Which one?

ASS: 30mg. 

CP: Tablets or capsules?

ASS: I don't know. 

CP: I could have either, neither, or both. You have to be specific. 

ASS: Extended Release Tablets. 

CP: That's not a thing. 

ASS: Tablets then?

CP: How many do you need?

ASS: A month's worth? 

CP: And how many would that be for you? Do you take one a day? Two a day? Three?

ASS: Last time I got 60. 

ME: In summation, how should this have gone?

MICE ELF: Like you said when you most recently updated your profile pic: Start with "Hello. My name is. . . "

CP: And finish with ". . . I am calling to ask if you have any Adderall XR 30mg capsules in stock. Brand or generic. And my prescription is for 60". 

#BePrepared 

#YouShouldKnowHowToDoThisByNow 

#AdultingIsHardWithoutMyAdderall 

“Pick the soup you want! Have your money ready! Move to the extreme left after ordering!”

History

CP: How about all these manufacturer backorders?

CPP: Yeah. Worst I've seen ever, across multiple classes of medication. Why are you asking?

CP: I was just thinking about an interaction the other day and was reminded of a great movie dialogue exchange:

Cosmo: In prison I learned that everything in this world, including money, operates not on reality...

Martin Bishop: ...but the perception of reality.

Cosmo: Posit: People think a bank might be financially shaky.

Martin Bishop: Consequence: People start to withdraw their money.

Cosmo: Result: Pretty soon it *is* financially shaky.

Martin Bishop: Conclusion: You can make banks fail.

CPP: Sneakers. Great movie. 

CP: And cast. 

CPP: What was this inspiring interaction?

CP: CP's Playhouse. How may I help you?

Seeking Particular Adderall Manufacturer: I'm looking for the TEVA version of my Adderall 30 mg tablets. 

CP: That is the wrong approach. 

SPAM: Why?

CP: In this market, where Adderall Caps and Tabs are impossible to find, one does not ask for a specific manufacturer; you first ask if we have Adderall at all. 

SPAM: But I need the Teva brand. 

CP: You're lucky to find ANY. It's a take-what-you-can-get market right now. I order it daily, as I have for 3 weeks, and have yet to receive even one bottle on any of those orders. If I get it, I celebrate. 

SPAM: But it's the only one that works for me. 

CP: May I suggest now is the time to try others, risk-free. If they don't work, you've at least tried another manufacturer you otherwise would have ignored or refused. If it doesn't work, it's no worse than you having not tried it. If it does work, however. . . it will alter your perception.

SPAM: I'll keep looking. 

CP: Fine with me. Someone else will take the ones I have at some point today so it doesn't bother me. It's like the oil embargo and gas rationing of the 1970's. People would wait in long lines for gas, wasting more gas in the process, only to get however few precious gallons they could. I bet you would've waited for hours, gotten to the pump, and asked for regular leaded and driven off if they had none, instead of taking unleaded. 

NUTIT: Why was that movie quote so significant?

CP: The perceived panic induced by this temporary shortage. 

CPP: Not that temporary. 

CP: Sorry, ephemeral, transient, fugacious. It will end eventually. But the panic of "what-are-we-going-to-do-now-I-can't-handle-my-kids-without-it" is more catastrophic than the shortage. 

CPP: I just wish offices and patients would not act surprised when we tell them this is still an issue. Months ago we told them to prepare a Plan B and a Plan C, just in case. I know, I know, Concerta and Ritalin are now seeing supply issues but that was pretty short-sighted if those were the only options explored. 

NUTIT: Like Ozempic and Trulicity also?

CPP: Don't get me started. 

ME: Did someone say Ozempic?

CP: Shut it. Beggars can't be choosers. This reminds me of when Maalox and Mylanta brands were pulled from the shelves over 5 years ago. The first versions to return to shelves were the store-brands. 

CPP: And people refused them; brand snobs, they were. 

CP: Until they desperately needed the help they provided. 

CPP: Suddenly, everyone was praising the store brands. 

CP: "Why did I never try this before?" "It's so much cheaper!'

NUTIT: People are really that bad?

CPP: Just wait. 

CP: Around here, you'll see it all. 

WWCPD

ME: CP would put it on file. 

MICE ELF: At least let us discuss the issue first. 

ME: Phine. 

UT: Hey, Dr. Zoffis sent a prescription for PITA for Lipitor 20mg #30 with 1 refill. 

CP: Finally. They've only been calling us every day for the last fortnight. 

UT: It's not just that. I wouldn't announce every prescription we receive. 

CP: Right. Sorry. There's always more to the story. Do go on. 

UT: After I typed that one, another Rx popped up for Lipitor 20mg. This time it is for #90 with 3 refills, with no notes or acknowledgment of the first.

CP: The plot thickens. 

UT: I know what you're going to say, but NUTIT doesn't know how we do things here. 

NUTIT: Huh?

CP: Keep doing your new hire CBTs. 

UT: Thoughts?

CP: Put it on file. It's a valid Rx. We have the tracking ID#, a time stamp, and no note on the hardcopy to disregard previously sent Rx. 

UT: That's what I was going to do. Some pharmacists will call or cancel one. 

NUTIT: My last ones did. 

CP: Mostly newbies I'd assume. Why? It's a waste of time. Think about it. For as many times as we have trouble getting new refills from patients' providers, this is a bonus, a boon. File it away for next time and move on. I'll do this for every prescription except C-IIs.

NUTIT: You don't call? You don't delete one? 

CP: Again, why waste my time? It's valid and will save us time in the future when the patient thinks they are out and needs to request another refill. 

UT: Considering all the ways to request refills now: Pharmacy app, MyChart, in office, in person, etc, it's amazing how difficult it has become to actually get patients their refills. 

CP: Never mind the ones whose requests are denied for "needs office visit". 

UT: This way we have one in the bank. 

NUTIT: Never thought of it like that. 

CP: Because you didn't work with us and your former pharmacists were obsessed with the wrong mundane minutiae. 

UT: What does everyone else do? 

#NotAMindReader 

#YouSentIt

Rationale?

CP: We asked the question many posts ago about "what happened to yesterday?".  It was about the hot new drug to hit the market and how everyone forgot yesterday. What did you use yesterday that this new drug replaced? Wasn't it the "IT" drug at some point? Until today?

ME: Right. And we asked why that one is no longer good. 

MICE ELF: We're looking at you dermatologists. 

ME: Among others. Those who graduate today (pharmacists in particular) know today's market as it is. Those of us who graduated in another decade, or century perhaps, have a different view of the market. 

CP: THEN-we were happy to hit 40% generic dispensing. 

ME: NOW, it's a bit different. 

MICE ELF: Where were you going with this?

CP: People and their idiosyncrasies; specifically as it pertains to generics. 

ME: Ok. As in why the hangup when switching?

MICE ELF: Or the brand exclusivity rights and insurances not covering lower-cost alternatives that have been on the market for years?

CP: Yes and yes. But mostly this:

CP: Welcome to CP's Concoctions and Pessaries. What brings you in today?

Stay With It Until I Call Her: Picking up my prescriptions. 

CP: Ok. On the Dexilant, I see that it is on a manufacturer backorder, like half of the rest of my stock. You've been receiving the brand for a while, even though the generic has been available. I can readily order the generic for you and it is a few dollars less. 

SWITCH: I'm not sure. 

CP: About what? The words I used? I was pretty clear. Generic available; Brand not. You wish to continue taking this, you switch. Pretty succinct. 

SWITCH: No. Not sure I should switch to the generic. 

CP: What's the uncertainty? 

SWITCH: I should probably ask my provider first. 

CP: Ask them what?

SWITCH: If it's okay to switch. 

CP: Trust me, they don't care. 

SWITCH: Well I need to check with them first. 

CP: You have been taking amlodipine, hydrochlorothiazide, losartan, atorvastatin, and levothyroxine for the last 10 years. 

SWITCH: Yeah, so?

CP: So they are all generic medications. They may have been generic since the time you started them, or shortly thereafter, but they are all generics. I've been working long enough to remember when these were all brand only; except the HCTZ, that predates even me. What makes this one different?

SWITCH: <shrugs> I just have to ask them. 

CP: That's not an answer. If you had started on this medication today, you would only know it as generic, same as all your others. Those brands were so yesterday. Choose, or I shall choose for you. 

“Choose a life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers...  choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that?”

#IfYouChooseNotToDecideYouStillHaveMadeAChoice 

Dr. Zoffis

CPP: Okay. We have covered that the good Dr. Zoffis is terrible at math and at using e-scripts. 

CP: They'll blame the staff and the e-script software. This Dr. Zoffis is above reproach. 

CPP: True. But what else are we missing to complain about today?

CP: Let's go with a two-parter: 

a. There Should Be A Test and 

b. Things We Have To Do That Our Dr. Zoffis Does Not

CPP: Okay. I'll take "There Should Be A Test" to get things started. 

CP: Before you are allowed to prescribe something, anything, you should have to know HOW to write it. 

CPP: I am in favour. Are we talking dosing or strengths or quantities or what?

CP: All of the above. But also HOW to write a prescription. I had these conversations last week:

1.

Office Receptionist Calling: I'd like to call in this prescription for Phenobarbital. 

CP: Ok. Quantity and refills?

ORC: One month with 8 refills. 

CP: <shakes head> Huh? It's a controlled substance. You can't have 8 refills. 

ORC: Well that's what they wrote. How many can they have?

CP: Five. It's a law. Dr. Zoffis should know this by now. You've been practicing for decades.

2.

CP: We received an Rx for Maxitrol Eye Drops, filled them, patient retrieved them and went home. The next day, we received a second Rx for Maxitrol for this patient and filed it since it was too soon. The NEXT day, the patient brings us a hardcopy Rx for Maxitrol. 

CPP: Wow. Her Dr. Zoffis really wanted her to have these drops. 

CP: Except Dr. Zoffis, an EYE doctor/specialist, told her the pharmacy misfilled her Rx because she is allergic to Neomycin and he wrote for Maxitrol which he knows for a fact doesn't have Neomycin in it. 

CPP: Dafuq? 

CP: Oh yeah. And not a new Dr. either. We showed the patient the ingredients and she called the office herself and went off on the ORC who promptly put the Dr. on the phone. 

CPP: Let me guess. He meant something else?

CP: Nope. Didn't know, all these years on, that Maxitrol has Neomycin in it. Guess what I had to do?

CPP: Write the Rx for him?

CP: Yep. Give him a list of everything we had in stock that is LIKE Maxitrol, sans Neomycin. 

CPP: There should be some kind of test your Dr. Zoffis has to pass to be able to prescribe medications. 

CP: Especially a specialist. 

CPP: And this, kids, is why your pharmacist is important. 

CP: The more you know. 

CPP: Ouch. I can pheel that conversation. Let's move along to "Things We Have To Do. . . "

CP: We already established that, when laws take effect, pharmacists must be compliant that day, but Dr. Zoffis gets to plead ignorance and continue along as if nothing changed. 

CPP: Right. 

CP: This is more of a "problem of yesterday" when we had handwritten prescriptions, but it still bothers me. We were drilled in pharmacy to never abbreviate certain words, particularly when it came to directions. This is especially true with "UNITS". We were told to never ever abbreviate units to "u". 

CPP: Yet Dr. Zoffis continually writes prescriptions to administer 42u instead of 42 units. 

CP: Right. As I said, it's not as big a deal as it once was now that we have e-scripts and a "u" is clearly a "u" but I recently saw this again and was reminded about how we were taught this but Dr. Zoffis apparently graduated without this lesson. (Though they still shouldn't abbreviate units. tsk tsk)

CPP: I always wondered why they stressed it with us when WE weren't writing the prescriptions. 

CP: Ability to telepathically force prescribers to write correctly; another one of our disrespected superpowers, like math. 

CPP: Math is hard. 

CP: I also miss rounding on calculations. 

CPP: Dispense 66.507 ml to be administered as 3.167 ml TID for 7 days. 

CP: Ask them if you can give them Benzonatate as well. 

CPP: Why? Oh. 

CP: So you can tell them phuh cough. 

Lie To Me

UT: What is the name for our IVR. 

CP: Why?

UT: When people call to complain about our outgoing phone calls, we should tell the patients about them. 

CP: Should we make up a background history as well? Flesh out the character?

UT: Sure. Makes it more believable. 

New Uber Tech In Training: What are we talking about? 

UT: We are discussing the potential names for our IVR. 

NUTIT: Why would you do that? 

CP: Last week I had this conversation: 

LL: You need to tell that girl you work with to stop calling my husband!

CP: Ok. She's gone for the day but I'll make sure she stops. 

LL: I just got another call! He's in his 80's for crying out loud and I'm old too. 

CP: Only seems proper. 

LL: He gets calls from her all day, every day of the week! She won't stop. 

CP: Well I checked his profile and there is nothing here for him. Was it a real girl, or. . . ?

LL: She said one of us had something there and I don't need anything. I'm going to have her job for harassment. 

CP: You do have. . . 

LL: We're old people and can't keep answering the phones. I want her fired!

CP: Must be a busy life if the phone is that crazy at your homestead. I can tell you she's been a pistol ever since we hired her. Won't take no for an answer. Really dedicated to her job and patients though. Ever since she lost the Baby Bells in the divorce, old Ma just ain't been the same. Nothing stops her from getting through. 

LL: I appreciate that but it's harassment. 

CP: It's also not a real girl so. . . I will make sure I talk to my computer about her behaviour as soon as I learn to communicate with her. Until then, I cannot guarantee she will be fired since she technically isn't my employee. 

LL: Just tell her to stop calling us. 

UT: So we checked and she DID have a refill ready to pick up. 

CP: AND her husband will pick it up, go home, then immediately call in another refill. He's down here shopping 3 to 5 days a week and always asks if something is here before going home and calling in something else. 

NUTIT: She tried to have the automated system fired? 

UT: Yes. But they don't want taken off the automated call system because they forget to pick up their prescriptions. 

CP: Even though he is down here 3 to 5 days per week. 

UT: Which brings us back to a name. 

CP: With as many people not believing the system (it said something was ready, it said it was ready to be filled, it didn't call/text/mimeograph when it said it would, etc) I decided on a name. 

UT: What is it?

CP: It's perfect. It is a name that conveys lying AND not being real and someone wanting to "fire" it. 

UT: Oh dear. 

CP: Pinocchio! 

NUTIT: Lame. My old pharmacy called theirs Earl, as in "Earl had to die". 

"If I gotta sin to see her again, then I'm going to lie, lie, lie."

Rockets

ME: How could you?

MICE ELF: Yeah! Low-hanging fruit, this. 

CP: After as long as I've spent in retail, you really expected me to let this one go? Don't you know me by now?

ME: Um. . . 

MICE ELF: Not fair. ME tried to stop you. 

CP: Not gonna happen. You know the requirements; we don't tolerate dumb people asking dumb questions and we really expect people to answer the question they were asked while asking the question they want answered. We've been over this. 

ME: But, seriously?

MICE ELF: <snickers> ME said butt. . . 

CP: Enough. Here's where it started:

Person Looking Unsure Generally: Where would I find suppositories?

CP: It depends. I can think of 3 places.  

PLUG: No, like in the store. 

CP: Ah. What type of suppositories?

PLUG: Huh?

CP: Rectal or vaginal? I doubt you're asking for urethral. 

PLUG: <sheepishly bends over, and points at her butt> 

CP: Right. I know where they GO. I want to know WHY they go. 

PLUG: Huh?

CP: What are you treating?

PLUG: It's not for me. 

CP: Ok. But someone's butt is getting suppositoried tonight and I need to know why. Fever? Constipation? Hemorrhoids? Nausea? Drug Smuggler?

PLUG: They're plugged up. 

CP: Laxatives. Right. Aisle H with the other rectal preparations. 

ME: She really pointed to her butt?

MICE ELF: She did. 

CP: Easier to say suppositories out loud than admit he's a packed mule. 

ME: It was just constipation. 

CP: Don't take this away from me. 

#WhereToStickIt 

#UnwrapItFirst

No Explanation Needed

UT: You know, it's one thing for one person to tell me something; it's quite another to hear another person use the same argument a week later. 

CP: Inanity is everywhere. 

UT: Then I have two stories for you. 

CP: I'll let you take the reins on today's post then. 

1. 

UT: Welcome to CP's Pill Palace. Picking up?

Dame Against Fingers Touching: Yes. 

UT: Ok. I have one prescription for you. I just need you to sign on the screen there. 

DAFT: <searches for pen, pulling on cable> 

UT: <Points at bright orange sign>

DAFT: What? I have to use my finger?

UT: Just the tip. 

DAFT: <missing the joke> I do?

UT: Yes. This is not new. We've been using this device for 9 months now. 

DAFT: I have to touch it!?

UT: Um. You do realise you are pushing a shopping cart, with bare hands. And you touched my counter when you first approached. I don't see the difference. 

DAFT: "I don't have to explain myself to you."

UT: No. But you may want to have that conversation with yourself later. 

DAFT: <harrumphs>

CP: Good one. The only thing missing was the mask below the nose or her pulling it down to give you her DOB. 

UT: Always a classic. 

CP: Moving on. 

2. 

UT: Welcome to CP's Pessary Playhouse. How may I help you?

Not Unusual, Might Be: I'm picking up my patches today. 

UT: I see they are ready. 

NUMB: Are they in a box? I don't want them in a bag again. I'll sue you if they are. 

UT: Ah yes, the Lidocaine. Well, we have multiple manufacturers thanks to some supply issues and, since not every provider prescribes a full box per fill, we have odd amounts. In order to fulfill your refill, we have to combine to assemble a full 30. The only way to do this is by placing them in a plastic bag; though we could just label each patch and put them in a paper sack for you. 

NUMB: It's not sanitary. 

UT: The patches are individually sealed in their own packaging. What does it matter if they are in a box or bag? 

NUMB: "I don't have to explain myself to you."

UT: Well you should explain it to someone, perhaps your own self. 

CP: I love how "I don't have to explain myself to you" has become a way of effectively ending a conversation when a person knows they are wrong. 

UT: Where's your proof, your evidence? "I don't have to explain myself to you". 

CP: If I believe it then it's true. Your truth will make me rethink everything and mama said I can believe whatever I want. "My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush."

UT: You hated The Waterboy. 

CP: I did, but after this long in retail, I see more Bobby Bouchers than should be statistically possible. 

UT: May the odds be ever in our favour. 

PSA 1-5

ME: You do not need to bring your bottles to the pharmacy to have them refilled. Back in the day, there may have been a time where we reused/refilled bottles. Not impractical and helpful phor some patients. 

MICE ELF: Now, it is not only phrowned upon, but downright illegal (in most states, anyway). 

CP: With that in mind, you do not need to bring your bottles to the pharmacy phor rephills. You can use the phone. 

ME: Or the internet. 

MICE ELF: Or the app. 

CP: Essentially, there are myriad ways to give us your refill without bringing in your bottle. 

ME: It's nasty. 

MICE ELF: And, more importantly, we can have your medication ready phor you before you arrive at the pharmacy to hand us your bottle. 

CP: It's great that you're going to shop in my store. Save time. Call it in ahead of time. That way you only have to come to my counter once. Phaster phor us both. 

-----------

CP: It's great the you use a daily/weekly/monthly medication planner. 

ME: We applaud your efforts at staying organised. 

MICE ELF: We wish others would do the same. 

CP: When you phill the planner phrom your bottles, and the bottles are now empty, this is not the time to call in phor a refill. 

ME: I say nay nay. 

MICE ELF: Simply moving medications, relocating them phrom one vessel in your kitchen to another vessel in your kitchen does not mean you are out of said medications. 

CP: The same can be said when you bring home the flour and sugar and empty them into your large containers on the counter. You do not manifest a morose look on your phace whilst glaring at the empty bags phrom whence your staples came, then immediately return to the store seeking replenishment. 

ME: Simply stated, just because your pill box is philled does not mean you are OUT of medication and need the refill. 

MICE ELF: Look over there! 

ME: Where?! 

MICE ELF: There's a lady that I used to know. 

CP: Haha. Got you. It's still right here. 

-----------

ME: What's one of your favourite TikTok videos?

MICE ELF: I don't watch any videos on TikTok. 

CP: I like the ones that have "words you learned in books, but never heard pronounced". 

ME: Nice. 

MICE ELF: Yeah. You would. 

CP: But it has relevance to us at work as well. 

ME: We have to call this Dr. Zoffis. How do you pronounce their name?

MICE ELF: <shrugs> I always guess wrong. 

CP: I'm usually close. 

ME: What about when we call patients?

MICE ELF: Especially new patients phor whom we've never philled but, since we have their Adderall and Amoxicillin in stock, they are coming to us. 

CP: The corollary to this is patients who always spell their names to us. While I understand Koch can be pronounced several different ways, if you always spell it, I will never know how to pronounce it. 

ME: Same with difficult names. 

MICE ELF: Imagine if Mike Krzykewski only ever spelled his name at the pharmacy. 

CP: Or Hermione Granger. 

-----------

ME: We talk. 

MICE ELF: Like girls talk. 

CP: They talk a lot. My head hurts all day phrom all the drivel. 

ME: When you call and one of us answers your question or meets your needs, we discuss it with the others here so each of us will know should we be the one to deal with you later. 

MICE ELF: Not all of us work all hours of the day. 

CP: Which means if you are a troublemaker, or you are known to be one of our Twat Wallets, we will talk about you. 

ME: Just in case you're thinking of lying to another of us to get what the phirst person denied you. 

MICE ELF: Or you're expecting a different answer vis-a-vis "mom said 'no', so ask dad". 

CP: And if you lie, you will be caught. 

UT: Like that one TW. 

CP: How'd you get in here?

UT: Work spouse. Get used to it. 

ME: It's getting crowded CP. 

MICE ELF: How'd that go, UT?

TW: I need a refill. 

UT: Ok. We will get that ready phor you. 

TW: Thanks. 

UT: Then, minutes later, her phriend comes down to pick it up. 

ME: I'm guessing it wasn't ready.

UT: No. So I asked why she was here already and the phriend tells me she told her that I said "10 minutes". 

MICE ELF: We never say 10 minutes. 

CP: It gets better. 

UT: So she shows me the text message her phriend sent: "They said it would be ready in 10 minutes". I'M 'THEY'! I am the they with whom she spoke and I never said 10 minutes. 

CP: It's not us, it's you. 

-----------

CP: <whispers> your refill is not my responsibility. 

ME: Whoa. So aggressive. 

MICE ELF: Such a stunning, profound statement. I infer your tone as an attack!

CP: Just because you believe I am speaking about you, and thereby were somehow triggered, does not mean the information was not a fact. 

ME: Why is this our PSA #5?

MICE ELF: Other than to inflame?

CP: Some Prescribers require pharmacies to request refills for their patients. 

Some prescribers refuse to accept refills requested by pharmacies. 

The local hospitals and, more directly, the associated providers linked to them in my county are evenly split. 

I can and will send a refill request on your behalf. 

If your Dr. Zoffis accepts them, hooray! They may respond. (They also may not.)

If your Dr. Zoffis does not accept them, they will ignore them or possibly write a nasty retort and fax back to me. 

ME: And if they DO accept requests from us, I can in no way guarantee they will reply now, soon, eventually, down-the-road, or inevitably. 

MICE ELF: I encourage you, the patient, to follow up with the office as well. 

If your Dr. Zoffis DOES accept my requests, then a second reminder, on your part, is not a bad idea. 

If your Dr. Zoffis does NOT accept my requests, then a second reminder, on your part, is warranted. 

CP: Essentially, it would always behoove you to call as well. 

ME: At all times. 

MICE ELF: In all cases. 

CP: Remember, the amount I care about your prescription is directly proportional to the amount you care about your prescription. 

ME: It is impossible for your pharmacist to remember/know which Dr. Zoffis may or may not require/ignore refill requests from pharmacies. 

MICE ELF: Never mind if they are not local. 

CP: When you enter your refill # on the phone/app, the refill is auto-generated. Your pharmacy is not personally sending requests manually. 

ME: Note to Dr. Zoffis: I cannot stop patients from entering refill numbers on my phone, at all, especially when we are closed. I'm not sending them to you, they are. 

MICE ELF: If you see multiple providers at multiple offices, multiple policies may be in place. If you can't keep them straight for yourself, then can you really expect the pharmacies to do so for their thousands of patients? 

CP: Remember kids, it's your prescription. 

ME: The word of the day is "Personal Responsibility". 

MICE ELF: You. You are the person responsible. I am A person, not THE person. 

CP: People are people so why should it be. . . 

ME: You expect me to accept your responsibility?

MICE ELF: Your problems should be blamed on me? 

CP: You and I should get along so awfully. 

This is a public service announcement. This is only a test. 

Why Are You Having A Really Difficult Engagement Response?

CP: Welcome to CP's Comforting Poultices. How may I help you?

Why Are You Having A Really Difficult Engagement Response: I'm picking up my prescription today. 

CP: I see we have a Medrol Dosepak ready phor you. 

WAYHARDER: Yes. How do I take it?

CP: You take the phirst two with breakfast then . . . 

WAYHARDER: I take my blood pressure and water pills at breakfast. I don't want to take them at the same time. 

CP: Ok. Well you can move the breakfast tablets to lunch and take 2 or 3 tablets then or. . . 

WAYHARDER: I take my other meds with lunch. 

CP: Um. 

WAYHARDER: Why can't I take them with breakfast?

UT: Didn't she just tell you she takes her morning meds with breakfast and didn't want to take them together?

CP: She did. 

UT: You just told us you didn't want to take your morning meds with these. 

WAYHARDER: Can I have a snack instead?

CP: The point of the dosing is to split the doses around normal phood schedules. Since you aren't normal, you have to adjust. You COULD take all 6 tablets together with any amount of phood you desire but, unless your stomach is lined with cast iron, I'd try to dissuade you phrom this endeavour. 

UT: Dinner, perhaps?

WAYHARDER: I don't eat dinner. 

CP: It's a good thing we've only made it to the phirst dose on the phirst day of these directions. I can't wait to see what happens when we get to "bedtime snack". 

UT: Only 19 more tablets to go. 

WAYHARDER: I'm usually not home for dinner. 

CP: You have a purse, non?

WAYHARDER: Yes. 

CP: Pills are portable. You could, and I'm just spitballin' here, maybe, consider putting pills in purse and potentially popping pills promptly. 

WAYHARDER: I like to keep all my medications on my table. 

CP: How do you get through a day, let alone life in general? Let's make this overly simple. Day 1, you must take all 6 tablets, in any way you desire, with phood. Whatever time that is, wherever that is, with whomever that is. Day 2, you must take all 5 tablets that day. By "that day" I mean within the hours of waking and returning abed. Outside of those parameters, take them as you will. 

WAYHARDER: Should I separate the doses?

CP: <shrugs> It's up to you. The rules are simple: Take all 6 tablets today. Period. With phood. Period. Between now and sleepy time. Period. I now bid you adieu. 

UT: You usually explain how it's going to keep patients up at night, especially the later in the day they take them. 

CP: Right. You can either be awake and miserable, or awake and pheeling somewhat alleviated. I'm afraid that discussion would have complicated this consultation exponentially. 

WAYHARDER: Phair enough. 

Re-Fill

CP: What is the definition of "refill"?

CPP: According to dictionary.com:

"verb - to fill again

noun - a material, supply, or the like, to replace something that has been used up: a refill for a prescription"

CP: Okay. That's what I thought. When a patient asks phor a refill, they wish us to fill that medication, again, yes?

CPP: Yes. 

CP: If I went to a restaurant and ordered a coffee, and the waitress asked if I wanted a refill, would I expect to receive coffee? 

CPP: That's what I would expect. 

CP: Not tea? Or mead? Or a chocolate chip cookie? 

CPP: No. Where are you going with this?

CP: To refill, as you defined, means to fill again, not replace. 

CPP: Yes. 

CP: Why do prescribers not understand this?

CPP: You asked rhetorically. 

CP: I received a prescription phor Nicotine patches, 21mg. The lady saw the refill on her label, called it in, got home, and was surprised we philled it phor the 21mg again. 

CPP: As in RE-filled it?

CP: Yes. She thought if she called in the refill, she would receive the 14mg. The prescriber gave her 3 refills but told her to step down after 4 weeks on each strength. 

CPP: So you called Dr. Zoffis and. . . ?

CP: Dr. Zoffis sent another Rx phor the 21mg. . . with 3 refills. 

CPP: This is also true with step therapies where the patient is tapering up or down to a target dose. Once the patient is at target dose, they need a new Rx phor those refills. 

CP: Topiramate is a great example - take 25mg for 1 week. . . up to goal dose of 100mg twice a day. If you put 11 refills on that, the directions will always say this PLUS we have to give the patient a huge supply of tablets to get them through the month. 

CPP: Or Eliquis starter doses. Take 2 tabs twice a day for 7 days, then 1 twice a day thereafter. Does the patient repeat the load every month? No. Will they make that mistake? Probably. 

CPP: If only Dr. Zoffis was intelligent enough to split those and send them as two separate Rx's. 

CP: If only we were allowed to separate them in to two separate Rx's. 

CPP: You know we already do that. 

CP: I know. But we can't phix the original Nicotine Patch issue since Dr. Zoffis didn't indicate a decrease in dose. 

CPP: I don't want prescribing rights, but I'd like the ability to phix stupid. 

CP: You can't phix stupid. 

CPP: But you can medicate it. 

#ClawbacksWouldKillUs

#WhyYourPrescriptionTakesSoLong 

#Pharmacy #PhixingDoctorsMistakesSinceTimeImmemorial

Need To Know

CP: How do you determine who needs to know information you'd classify as need-to-know?

ME: Someone with a vested interest in the result?

MICE ELF: Someone with whom I must interact. Phor them to understand my needs, they must needs be privy. 

ME: Indeed.

CP: If you have a registry, for a baby, wedding, new college student, divorce, whatever, would you include the business at which you chose to "register" as a need-to-know participant"?

ME: It'd be a rather large surprise to everyone if people started ordering products and they had no advance knowledge they were the supplier of said products. 

MICE ELF: It would also be confusing when all the purchasers placed orders only to be told "we have nothing under that name". 

CP: Precisely. 

ME: I have a pheeling this is leading us into another lesson you recently taught someone. 

MICE ELF: Why do we continue to answer CP's rhetorical questions? We should know better by now. 

CP: Because you're stuck with me and if I didn't have you inside my head, the people reading this would think I'm crazy. 

ME: Oh, you're a little off alright. 

MICE ELF: On with it!

CP: Right. 

Patient Approaching Counter Knowing Early is Refill: Did Dr. Zoffis call in my refill today?

CP: They did. 

PACKER: Is it ready?

CP: It is not. It is too soon. 

PACKER: I told them I was going on vacation. 

CP: Who is "them"?

PACKER: Dr. Zoffis. 

CP: Who else did you tell you were taking a holiday? The post office? Your newspaper delivery person? Your credit card company? The bank? The person caring phor your pets? Us?

PACKER: Yes. All of them. 

CP: Except us.

PACKER: If my Dr. calls it in, you should know I need it. 

CP: Obviously you NEED it. It's a maintenance medication. But based on your philling history, you don't NEED it TODAY. You also have refills on the previous prescription so we were a little confused as to why we received this today. We just phigured you had a visit and Dr. Zoffis was being proactive and calling in refills at your appointment like a good little Zoffis should. 

PACKER: Well how do I get my medication?

CP: Call us, the pharmacy, explain you are going on vacation and will need and early refill to get you through. We will ask your departure and return dates, just to be nosy but also because some insurances ask when we call for the override. If they don't allow for an override, we can work on alternatives to get you your refill. If you were really on the ball, you would've called your insurance already. 

PACKER: I did. 

CP: And?

PACKER: They said if you called them, they would approve it. 

CP: So you called everyone except the terminal link in the chain? The one who really needed to know this information in order to do their job and provide you with the medication?

PACKER: I guess. 

CP: And you're somehow mad at me?

PACKER: Yes. I need my medication. 

CP: May your phlight experience turbulence and your luggage get lost and your hotel have bed bugs. 

It Starts Like This

CP: Good Morning. Thanks phor wating phor the gates to open to ask your question. Are you picking up? 

Doesn't Understand Here: I was here last week asking for a refill. 

CP: You were. As was I. That's not a question. 

DUH: You said you were contacting my Dr. and he hadn't called you back yet. 

CP: Still waiting phor the question. 

DUH: I'm on my way to his office right now and want to know how many times you called him. 

CP: Still no question but I can tell you contacted Dr. Zoffis 7 times in the last 11 days. How many times did you call him?

DUH: Once. 

CP: You've been down here twice and called me multiple times but you only called Dr. Zoffis once?

DUH: I didn't know I had to. 

CP: Whose prescription is it? 

DUH: Dr. Zoffis!

CP: NO! Whose prescription is it? Whose medication is it? It's not mine. 

DUH: It's mine. 

CP: And you only called Dr. Zoffis once in 11 days and are going to go complain to him that he didn't get back to me after I faxed, emailed, sent a CandyGram and Carrier Pigeon and used Semaphores to request refills on your behalf? 

DUH: Yes. I want to know why I've been out so long. 

CP: Well, as I always say, #ICanExplainItToYouButICantUnderstandItPhorYou 

UT: Think he gets it?

CP: No. I'll ask him when he comes back later to get hi new Rx. 

UT: It's out phault. 

CP: Always. 

We. . .

ME: Of what do you dream?

MICE ELF: We obviously know what's in your head, but what would you like to see as a change no one is discussing right now?

CP: Sweeping insurance changes. 

ME: Pffft. Lame. Everyone wants that. 

MICE ELF: I pheel there is something deeper here. Proceed. 

CP: "We the Pharmacy People of the United States, in Order to phorm a more perfect practising environment, lessen wait times, improve healthcare phor our patients, and to put the "care" back in healthcare, do ordain and establish these Rules phor a Universal Insurance Reform. 

ME: You could've just said "I have a dream" instead of being all old-timey. 

MICE ELF: Continue. What do you hope to see?

CP: Ultimately, I want insurance billing to not be our responsibility; I want the fight to be behind the scenes.

1. Let us collect only an "office visit copay" for each medication. 

2. Let the billing/coverage/prior auth conversation happen in the background like your prescriber's office or the hospitals do. (Your MRI needs a PA? Can't get it until the insurance covers it. Your medication needs a PA? Dr. Zoffis can't send the Rx until it's covered.)

3. Allow ALL claims for covid shots or vaccines to be payable instantly. We should not have to enter an administration fee, an SC Code of 02, 03, 06, 07, 10 or anything else. It's covered: Just pay for it. No rejections. 

4. You know it's only available as a 91-day pack, pay for it. Don't make me back it down to 30 days then try to recover DIR fees because it once got filled early on an auto-fill since YOU made me change it to less than it actually is. 

5. a) I want reject messages that actually match the rejection. Like this one: "Prior auth required in patients >1yo". This was for Omeprazole 20mg capsules. After extensive work and a considerable amount of time, the ACTUAL rejection was for "NDC not covered". Yep. Simply switching to another NDC, albeit not one of my preferred items, allowed the claim to process without issue. 

b. Ins limits to 83 days - translation: patient must use mail order, or we can only bill for 30 days; it could be either, neither, or both. Say what you mean and mean what you say, Horton. 

6. Pick a days supply and universally pay phor it. No more, "max of 30 days, max of 34 days, please submit phor 90 days" or, the new Medicare one, "please submit for 100 days". Yep received a TIP phor that. Just pay phor 100 days across the board. All patients qualify phor 4 phills per year. Makes their definition of compliance much easier to attain. 

7. DIR fees - I can't make someone compliant if they are dead. I can't make them compliant if they move or are phorced to use another pharmacy. I can't make them pick up their medications if the doctor determines they no longer need to be on it. I can't make them compliant if they can't afford the copays YOU are charging them. 

8. One Universal Pharmacy card with only Pharmacy Benefits Information on it. 

a. BIN

b. PCN

c. ID#

d. Person Code of each covered member

e. 1-800-Help-You phone number phor members and 1-800-Helps-Me for pharmacies

Hopefully this will cut down on the insurers that insist on sending out cards with incorrect information, or as the letter I received last week indicated, the ID and Groups numbers switched on the card. 

ME: Anything else?

CP: I started this post last summer and have been adding to it. I'm sure the phine phollowers will have astute observations of their own to add. 

MICE ELF: Lofty girls, my phriend. 

CP: This post became more elaborate when all I really wanted was to not be responsible phor all this crap at the pharmacy. Especially now with all the added tasks phor which we are responsible. 

ME: And don't receive payment. 

CP: Honestly, I'd be happy with any of these. 

Where Is It?

CPP: What continues to surprise you that shouldn't?

CP: How people do not carry their important cards with them. Or that people keep their important cards separated phrom each other. 

CPP: They'd phail if they were ever crossing a border and asked to present their papers. 

CP: Summarily executed. 

CPP: Like the Last Of Us being escorted to the QZ. 

CP: Sorry. We're phull. <bang>

CPP: I challenge you to give me two examples phor today's post. 

CP: Challenge accepted. 

Dear Old Guy In Extremis: I need my vaccine. 

CP: Okay. I just need your Medicare B Card; the red, white, and blue one. 

DOGIE: It's supposed to be free. 

CP: It is. It's phree to you because your insurance pays phor it. 

DOGIE: They make it so hard. 

CP: Is it? Is it really that difficult? You present a card and get a phree-to-you, government-paid-phor vaccine. Really inconvenient. 

DOGIE: I don't carry my insurance with me. 

CP: Why? 

DOGIE: Never have. Don't trust no one. <leaves>

CPP: Good start. 

CP: I thought so too. 

Lady After Gym Getting All Rather Difficult: I'm here to pick up my prescription. 

CP: I see we have three phor you today. 

LAGGARD: <holding tightly to debit card> Perfect. 

CP: I just need your ID phor this one. 

LAGGARD: Oh. I just came phrom the gym. 

CP: I just drank a fifth of vodka. Dare me to drive? 

LAGGARD: Huh? 

CP: Oh. Thought we were sharing things that weren't germane. 

LAGGARD: I forgot I'd need my ID. Just thought I'd pick everything up on my way home from the gym. 

CP: You drove to the gym.

LAGGARD: Uh-huh. Then directly here. 

CP: You drove. 

LAGGARD: Yep. 

CP: You have your debit card out ready to swipe before I've even scanned your Rx's yet you DROVE without your license. 

LAGGARD: Yes. 

CP: Do you like The Offspring?

LAGGARD: I suppose. Why? 

CP: You gotta keep 'em separated. 

LAGGARD: I guess I'll come back when I have my ID. I was just trying to save time. 

CPP: Why do people keep their ID and phorm of payment separated? Like guys leaving the house without their wallets. Where are you going you won't need something in there? 

CP: I know I need my passport to travel internationally. No have, no go. 

CPP: I know, someone out there will say "everything is on our phones now". 

CP: Which is great phor paying. Unless you have a front and back photo on your phone I can scan into my register, then that won't work. 

CPP: And I'm sure the officer pulling you over phor speeding will accept that too. 

CP: People will say "I never get pulled over". 

CPP: The same ones who, when you tell them not to drink with their medication tell you "I don't drink". 

CP: Yep. Only the two of us drink and speed. 

CPP: Separately, of course. 

Mutually Exclusive

CP: CP's Caps and Pills. How may I help you?

Human Understanding Horribly: I have a complaint. 

CP: Just one?

HUH: Yes. 

CP: Name?

HUH: HUH? 

CP: Ok. Go ahead with your grievance. 

HUH: You shorted me. 

CP: <checks computer, {phew, wasn't me}> Ok. And how did you arrive at this conclusion?

HUH: The bottle isn't full. 

CP: You say "the bottle is not phull"?

HUH: Yes. 

CP: Hmm. They're really tiny tablets. They don't take up much space, like children. 

HUH: Well the bottle wasn't full so I was shorted. 

CP: By that logic, we have shorted you nearly every time. This is a refill. How is this the first time you've thought to bring it to our attention; or to notice?

HUH: I noticed it was almost empty so I knew you shorted me this time. 

CP: The bottle is nearly never phull. The bottles we receive often have 500 or 1000 tablets in them and even THEY aren't phull. We don't have packages designed to phit every conceivable dispensing quantity. Even if we did, there would be no way to phit the large labels required. 

HUH: "Well, if you say so, I guess I have to believe you, but it doesn't make sense."

CP: It doesn't have to make sense phor it to be true. 

#ICanExplainItToYouICantUnderstandItPhorYou 

#YouDontHaveToBelieveItForItToBeTrue 

#YouAreAnSTDInAWorldOfAsexualReproduction

I Heard You, But I Didn't Listen

CP: What do we dislike about people?

ME: How much space do you want to phill with this post?

MICE ELF: People who don't listen. 

CP: Ask the question you want answered and answer the question you were asked. I have plenty of stories of people not listening. 

ME: Like the time the golfers kept calling us to make tee times and hearing our "CP's Pharmacy" message or us then answering "CP's Palace of Pills"? 

MICE ELF: Yeah. So we phinally gave up and just started scheduling them times. 

ME: At least the calls eventually stopped. 

MICE ELF: What's this have to do with us today? 

CP: People who approach the wrong counter then, when asked a question, are incapable of phormulating the proper, one-word response to it. 

ME: Hi. Are you picking up?

CP: Bingo. 

MICE ELF: Another of your "yes or no" questions. 

CP: But with a twist. Patients approach the PICK UP window, which is clearly marked as such. I look up, make eye contact and clearly enunciate "Hi. Picking Up?"

ME: To which they, to a person, all reply?

MICE ELF: YES!

CP: Only phor me to walk over, unlock the register and ask their names to:

a. have a person shake a bottle, asking "where can I find this"?

b. have someone ask to purchase Sudafed

c. say "I just have a question"

d. ask if there is a key to the toilet

ME: If you have a question, the proper response to our initial question is "no". 

MICE ELF: But they'll usually phollow it with "I just have a quick question".

CP: So true. But if you don't listen to the question I directly asked you, how can I expect you to listen to the answer I subsequently provided?

ME: I just give them random answers. 

MICE ELF: It's really phunny when they repeat it back to you while making eye contact and nodding. 

Liar!

Tightly Wound Accusation Throwing Ruiner Of Time: I need my husband's refill on his Ritalin. 

CP: Ok. You'll need to contact Dr. Zoffis as there are no phillable Rx's on phile phor him. 

TWATROT: They gave me 3 Rx's the last time I was there. 

CP: I'm not saying they didn't. I'm saying they are not here. Anyway, if you were paying attention last week, our State BOP now requires all C-II Rx's be electronically prescribed so, even if you had brought them to us, we would've returned them to you, instructing you to exchange them phor e-scripts.

TWATROT: I only take him to that office every 3 months and I know they gave me new Rx's. 

CP: Then they must still be in your possession as I do not have them here. 

TWATROT: I am calling my doctor and telling them you lost them. 

CP: Okey dokey. But you should probably check at home phirst before you assify yourself. 

UT: I know phor a phact that she did not bring us new Rx's. 

CP: I'll call the office and inquire. 

Dr. Zoffis: Yes. We wrote hard copy prescriptions last month, phor the next 3 months. 

CP: I phaxed a copy of the law that instructs you to send C-IIs electronically. Do you wish to resend these since she apparently lost them? <a phine reason to campaign phor e-scripts>

DZ: No. We will call the patient. 

TWATROT: <saunters in stoically> Here. 

UT: What are these?

TWATROT: My husband's next 3 Rx's for Ritalin. 

UT: These are dated January, February, and March. 

TWATROT: Yes. 

CP: These are the ones you told us you lost. 

UT: The ones you swore you gave to us. 

TWATROT: No I didn't. 

CP: Yes you did. We were both here listening to you accuse us of losing them and, after explaining the new law, you professed ignorance as to how that works. 

UT: With Dr. Zoffis sending 3 months at once with Do Not Fill Until dates written on them. 

TWATROT: "Well I don't live in the past so I don't know what you're talking about." 

CP: <looking at UT quizzically> Did she just say "I don't live in the past" when we called her out phor lying to our phaces?

UT: Methinks she did. 

CP: What a TWATROT. 

UT: I'm going to use that phrom now on whenever anyone accuses me of phorgettingm or losing something. 

CP: I don't live in the past. 

UT: It's not as if she said "I don't dwell on the past". That would've been more logical but "I don't live in the past" is so inspiring.

CP: Inspirationally inept. 

#IDontLiveInThePast 

#IDontPhorgetYouCallingMeALiar 

#WhyYourPharmacistHatesYou 

Unnecessary Dreck

CP: If one is asked a "yes" or "no" question, does there need to be a qualifier? Is more information necessary?

ME and MICE ELF: No. 

CP: Thank you. Everything else is irrelevant drivel. 

ME: We know. 

CP: I was told when testifying before a grand jury to only answer the question asked of me; do not offer any more information, especially to a yes or no question. 

MICE ELF: Yet it doesn't stop people phrom continuing to ask questions after we answer them with "yes" or "no". 

ME: Nor does it prevent them from continuing to speak after replying to us in the affirmative or negative. 

CP: Did my doctor call anything in phor me?

ME: No. 

CP: Are you sure? It was for an antibiotic. He sent it while I was there. 

MICE ELF: I need it. I'm going to die without it. 

ME: Every. Day. 

MICE ELF: I trust you have a newer twist on this daily dialogue? 

CP: Patients that do this to us. 

ME: Let's hear it. 

Dude In Car: I'd like to call in my refill. 

CP: Certainly. Do you have your Rx#?

DIC: No. I'm in my car. 

CP: What does you being in the car have to do with this? A simple "no" allows me to ask my phollow up question of "DOB?". Many people multi-task in their cars-they eat, text, make calls to pharmacies, masturbate, and all while driving. Just because you're in your car doesn't mean you're driving either. You could be at a light. Or in a parking deck, or with your mistress. I don't know. Just answer the yes or no question with one word and allow us to move along. 

ME: After you asked his DOB he probably said "I don't know, I'm driving". 

MICE ELF: I don't know. I'm washing my hair. 

ME: I don't know, I broke a nail. 

CP: Either way, after answering a yes or no question with either yes or no, nothing else matters. Keep the conversation moving. Whether answering my questions or my answering yours, the answer won't change. I won't phind your Rx and you won't phind your bottle. 

#HowToHaveAConversation

#AnswerYesOrNo 

#MyAnswerWontChange 

But It's The LAW!

CP: True or phalse?: Doctors had to pass a law exam phor their boards.

CPP: Probably true? 

CP: True or phalse?: Doctors have to continue to obey the laws once they enter practice. 

CPP: In theory, true. In practice, you'd be phorgiven phor thinking otherwise. 

CP: Why is it that when laws are passed, our State Board sends us multiple communications reminding us it takes effect today! and we have to be compliant today! but doctors get to plead ignorance? 

CPP: You're the a.) first, b.) only, c.) asshole pharmacist who calls us about this!

CP: Exactly. Here's a recent example phrom when the year was still a week-old infant. 

CP: Welcome to CP's Cures and Potions. How may I help you?

Innocent Little Lady: I wish to fill this for my husband. He just had surgery. 

CP: Hmm. 

ILL: Is there a problem?

CP: This is a handwritten Rx and, according to our state law, this must be e-scripted. 

ILL: Oh. Well he doesn't really need it. It's a just-in-case medication. 

CP: I can call the office, but they are likely closed right now. 

ILL: I'll take it back and visit them tomorrow. 

CP: Ok. 

CPP: Nothing wrong there. 

CP: It was the phollow up visit phrom her the next day. 

CP: You're back. 

ILL: I called the office and explained to them what you told me. 

CP: That all C-IIs must be e-scribed and this law has been on the books for several months now and we faxed the office the copy of the law after you left last night?

ILL: Yes. And guess what they told me? 

CP: Go somewhere else? 

ILL: Yep. We are new and don't have e-scripts so just take it to Rite Aid and they'll fill it no problem. They never have a problem with any of our prescriptions. 

CP: Can't wait to call them out on this. 

ILL: My husband doesn't really need this; he's surviving just fine with Tylenol so don't worry about it. 

CP: I am worry-free. G'night. 

CPP: Now this begs the question of which is worse?

a. The office blatantly ignoring the law that requires they have e-scripts and use them to write C-IIs or 

b. That other pharmacies/pharmacists will look the other way and just accept these incorrect Rxs out of hand?

CP: No wonder we have such a negative view of our profession. We have been fighting this for decades. There's always that "other pharmacist" who won't call or be bothered. Is the patient in need of the medication? Did I do my due diligence to verify the Rx? Will the BOP come down favorably if I phill it? Sure. But simply ignoring the laws every single time is disingenuous. 

CPP: Never mind the offices never being held accountable phor the arrogance of their ignorance. 

CP: I like that. Very politician-like. What are you going to do to me? 

CPP: And nothing ever happens to them. 

CP: We are the bastard stepchildren of healthcare. 

Preferred Status

CP: When someone asks your opinion or phor information phrom you, how do you respond?

MICE ELF: With my preference?

ME: I have a preference?

CP: Right. Simple things. When you complete surveys they are requesting your preferences, are they not? 

ME: Yes. 

MICE ELF: Sure. Where are you going with this? 

ME: <whispering to MICE ELF> another curious patient interaction. 

CP: How, if you do not tell someone, are they supposed to know of your special requests?

MICE ELF: <whispering to ME> This sounds rhetorical. Don't answer. 

CP: Phine. Allow me to present my story. 

Pain In The Ass Patient Obviously Can't Keep Expectations Together: I'm here to pick up. 

CP: Ah. Yes. You're our transplant who transferred.  

PITAPOCKET: Yes. I recently relocated my residence. 

CP: <with gleeful optimism> Welcome aboard. I have your prescription here. 

PITAPOCKET: Thanks. That was easy. Have a nice day. <walks away>

ME: I don't get it. 

MICE ELF: Wait phor it. 

PITAPOCKET: <returns almost instantly> Um. Excuse me?

CP: <optimism phading phast> Yes?

PITAPOCKET: I wanted the blue ones. 

CP: Come again? 

PITAPOCKET: The blue ones; I wanted them. 

CP: You called us yesterday to transfer this phrom our other location. 

PITAPOCKET: Yes. 

CP: We told you we had to order it since we were currently out of stock. 

PITAPOCKET: Yes. 

CP: You neglected to mention you wanted blue ones during either conversation. 

PITAPOCKET: Yes. Well the other store knows I need the blue ones. I told them. 

CP: Did you tell us? The ones actually philling it this time? 

PITAPOCKET: No. But I told them. 

CP: If you get a new hair stylist, do you tell them how you like your hair cut? Or, since you've had it cut before, do you just assume they know? If you hire a person of pleasure phor the evening, do you tell them what you like? Or just assume that everyone on every corner knows your personal predilections? 

PITAPOCKET: <shrugs>

CP: You can't walk in to any random Starbucks and ask phor "your regular" as they don't know you phrom any other random patron. You still have to spell it out phor them. If you want something special, you have to ask phor it each time. If, and ONLY IF, I tell you we remember, only then can you consider yourself off the hook. But you are still responsible phor YOUR special requests. Your special requests are only special to you. Deall? Verstehe? Skilja? 

ME: It's not a secret. You have to share. 

MICE ELF: Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. 

CP: It's. Not. A. Secret!

ME: Tell me what you want, what you really really want. 

CP: Phrom the Pierces to the Spice Girls in one paragraph? 

MICE ELF: <shrugs>