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Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Everyone's Time Is Valuable

UT: Can I close the drive-thru? 
CP: No. We have 4 minutes till close. 
UT: <turns head> Now we have 2 cars. 
CP: Okay. As long as they are picking up, you can get to both in 4 minutes. 
UT: It's 7:00 and now there are 2 more cars after this one. 
CP: <walks over, pulls shade, closes drawer> Closed. 
UT: He's not going to be happy. 
CP: We close at 7:00. It's Saturday. What have you been doing all day that you couldn't get to the pharmacy until closing time? Bars have a last call. Restaurants have a final order time. 
UT: We're going to hear about this tomorrow.
CP: Yeah, but I bet he won't show up until after 2pm. 

<Sunday, 14:33>
Dude In Kia: I was in line last night and someone closed the blinds and the drive-thru. Is that how you treat all your customers?
CP: No. Just the ones who arrive after we close. If you had been sitting in our parking lot and waited until 7pm to walk up to our doors, you would have found them locked.
DIK: I was in line. 
CP: Other places with lines do not stay open until everyone has been served. Unfortunately, I do not employ a person who can run out with a sign and place it in front of the last car we are able to serve. I cannot stop people from getting in my line. I have to draw the line somewhere. I draw it at 7pm. 
DIK: There was another car behind me. 
CP: Precisely. If people see cars in line, they assume they can continue to join. People don't care they arrive after the posted closing time. They're selfish. Besides, McDonald's stops serving breakfast at 10:30am. 
DIK: Not if you're in line. 
CP: Yes. If you're in the line and arrive to the speaker after 10:30, they do not allow you to order breakfast. They, like me, don't necessarily know you are there, or when you arrived. Perhaps you should have gone inside instead. 
DIK: So you're comparing yourself to McDonald's?
CP: I have made the analogy before and people do like to compare us; and it looks as if you spend a lot of time in their, and others' drive-thrus so I figured you'd get the analogy. 
DIK: I didn't come here to get insulted. 
CP: And I didn't come to work last night to stay late. And you shouldn't have complained that we closed the pharmacy while you were in line. You shouldn't have waited until we closed to leave your house to pick up your medication that you so desperately needed. If your meds aren't a priority for you, they aren't for me either. If they were really important, you would have been first in line this morning, maybe even arriving before we opened; or at least arriving during any of our 11 other operating hours yesterday.
DIK: I'm transferring. 
CP: Don't flirt with me by making promises you can't keep <sniffles>. See you next time.


Monday, February 22, 2021


CP: What is the difference between an alternative and a substitute? 
CPP: A substitute is a replacement of like for like while an alternative is a second option?
CP: I'd be happy with that. Here's what my favourite dictionary had to say:
Alternative: (of one or more things) available as another possibility or choice. 
Substitute: A person or thing acting or serving in place of another. 
CPP: Seems right. Why the lexicological lesson?
CP: What about as it pertains to medications? Is there a difference? 
CPP: Yes. Why?
CP: This interaction with Dr. Zoffis:
CP: Dear Dr. Zoffis. The medication you prescribed, Doxyxycline 40mg, is not covered. The patient's insurance requires an alternative in order to pay. Please change the medication prescribed to an alternative. 
DZ: <no answer>
Patient Annoyed With Said Doctor: Why can't I get my medication?
CP: Your insurance won't pay for it. It's not on their formulary and they wish for an alternative. Your Dr. Zoffis hasn't replied to our faxes and telegrams yet so it may behoove you to ring them. 
PAWSD: <from pharmacy> My pharmacy won't fill my medication. They said you need to change it and they faxed you. 
<fax arrives> *
CP: I got it. 
PAWSD: They said they clearly indicated on the hard copy that you could substitute this if it's not covered. 
CP: I see that. I learned to read at an early age. Also, they were even nice enough to circle it in Sharpie. 
PAWSD: Then why didn't you substitute it?
CP: Therein lies the rub. I did substitute it, for the generic. However, an alternative therapy is not the same as a substitute therapy. I can substitute from brand to generic and vice versa, but I cannot select another drug or strength as an alternative. Your doctor can check all the boxes they wish, but until they select an alternative therapy for you, they are the ones holding up your therapy, not me.
CPP: I see. And how did Dr. Zoffis respond? 
CP: They switched it to 100mg. 
CPP: Let me guess, they didn't select hyclate or monohydrate or tabs vs caps and we had to call?
CP: Yes. That really made their day when I had to inform them it still wasn't correct and the two salts were, technically, alternatives not substitutes. 
CPP: Ass Baggins, a little?
CP: After their initial tirade, they deserved it, a little. 
*some of the timeline has been truncated because we all know offices don't work this way/quickly. 

Thursday, February 18, 2021

But That Would Be YOU!

CP: CP"s Nostrum Emporium. How may I help you?
Insurances Don't Ideate Obvious Things: I am trying to get my client her prescription. 
CP: Certainly. That is ideal because I too am in the business of helping my patients achieve their lofty goals of filling prescriptions. 
<whispers> Let's see who cares more. 
IDIOT:  What's that? 
CP: Nothing. Carry on. 
IDIOT: Her refill is too soon. Is there anything you can do for her?
CP: I can call the insurance company for an override but, um, aren't you the insurance?
IDIOT: Yes. We need to exhaust all avenues and determine if there is anything the pharmacy can do first. We'd have to call the plan itself for an override.
CP: Sure. I can tell you to allow the refill. Easy. She received a 30 days supply, as she has for the previous 3 years, and today is day 29. She is due. However, your reject is telling me she cannot receive it until 20 days from now. 
IDIOT: Well, she has been a couple days early each of the past few months. 
CP: Okay. So it's a "cumulative fill" reject, then? 
IDIOT: Yes. But she was in the hospital last night and really need this medication to monitor her disease state. 
CP: I know. She told me that. Which is why I would like to get her prescription in her hands. Can't you enter an override?
CP: Why Not?! You're the ones holding it up!
IDIOT: No. We are trying to make sure she has some. What can you do?
CP: No! No you're not trying to make sure she has some. YOU are the insurance. YOU are denying her refill, which is actually due, by 20 days. YOU are telling me I can't fill it. Yet YOU are also asking me to fix a problem you created, a problem only YOU can fix. 
IDIOT: Can you give her some?
CP: Can you pay me for them?
IDIOT: As we told the client, we are not denying this for a prior auth. It is a covered medication. 
CP: Yet you are not paying for her to test her blood sugar 5 times per day, as you have previously. You allowed 150 strips to be billed for 30 days, but you are making her test only 3 times per day. This necessitates a prior auth for frequency, NOT for the strips themselves. I can't believe I have to explain to YOU, the insurance company, how insurances work. 
IDIOT: Thank you for taking the time to politely explain to me how the system works. . . 
CP: Did it help get you to override the claim you are denying?
CP: Then your company is dumber than I thought. You have the power to deny the claim, which you did. You alone have the power to override and approve the claim. Until that happens, the patient's life is in your hands and I shall document your refusal. What was your name again?
IDIOT: That's not important right now. 
CP: At least you said this call is being recorded so I'll just track it down that way. 

UT: What's up? 
CP: Insurance is a big dumb.
UT: Let's see what I can do. <waves magic fingers over keyboard> Voila!
CP: Not going to ask. 
UT: Plausible deniability. But it's documented too. Called the prescriber and they are submitting a prior auth for the frequency. All good. 
CP: Can we do away with PBMs yet?

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Things You Can Say While Getting A Shot That You Can Also Say During Sex

COVID Edition
1.  Can you do me and my husband at the same time?
2.  Can I stay in the room while you do my wife/husband?
3.  Do you want me to tag you in this selfie?
4.  Mind if my phriend takes a video?
5.  It's going to hurt for a few days after. 
6.  We have to do this again in 3 to 4 weeks. 
7.  When I come back, can I make sure I get you to give it to me?
8.  Can I watch it go in?
9.  That was better than I thought it was going to be. 
10. I'm going to need you to take off your shirt. 
11. I didn't expect to get lucky today. If I had known, I would have worn a better bra. 
12. Relax. It'll hurt more if you're tense. 
13. I'll push it in slow so it doesn't hurt. 
14. It sure looked bigger than it felt. 
15. I need you to hang out for about 15 minutes before you go home so I can just watch you. 
16. Do you need an Uber?
17. Wait till next time. You're really going to feel it then. 
18. Next!