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Tuesday, October 12, 2021

Something New Every Day

CP: Quick and Easy Pharmacy, How may I help you? 
Concerned Recipient At Pharmacy Indicating No Adverse Events or Soreness Still: I'm concerned. 
CP: Hello Concerned. I'm Pharmacist. Why are you like this?
CRAPINÆSS: <serious face> I came in for a flu shot yesterday and I don't have a sore arm or any symptoms.
CP: Great! 
CRAPINÆSS: Not great.
CP: Why not great? 
CRAPINÆSS: I always have a sore arm and a fever after my shot. You gave me the shot so fast. Are you sure I'm inoculated? 
CP: Completely. 
CRAPINÆSS: But my husband gets his shot through the VA and he always has side effects with his shot. I just don't see how you could've given it to me that quick. It was barely a second.
CP: <snickers> Poor guy. I have a way with a syringe. I've been doing it that way for years, as has the person who trained me; he who was among the first to administer vaccines in the area and has trained many Jedi in the ways of the Phorce over the years. 
CRAPINÆSS: It was painless. and short. 
CP: <Stifles laugh> Um, thanks. 
CRAPINÆSS:  <still serious> And it was quick and easy. 
CP: <deadpans> I hear that lot.
CRAPINÆSS: <serious face still on> Good day. 
CP: Good Day. 

UT: Why are you smiling like that?
CP: That LOL
UT: Little Old Lady?
CP: Made me laugh. She was so prim and proper, so serious the whole way through her flu shot complaint, I could barely contain myself. 
UT: What complaint? 
CP: Her shot didn't hurt. At all. Who calls on the pharmacy to complain they have nothing to complain about? 
UT: I'm surprised she didn't ask "is it in" while you gave it to her. 
CP: Please don't ever say "while I gave it to her" again. 
UT: After every flu shot. From now on. How about "How'd she take it?"?
CP: Like all my exes, an inch and a half at a time, all the way to the barrel. 
UT: I think you could've used the 5/8" on her.

Thursday, September 30, 2021

I Heard/Saw/Read It Somewhere

ME: Do your own research they said. 
MICE ELF: Uh-oh. Don't get CP started. 
CP: What?
MICE ELF: ME just said someone said "do your own research". 
CP: Haha. I love when people say they "did their own research". Remember when we were at University and we were taught HOW to think and not WHAT to think?
ME: Of course. WE were all there. 
MICE ELF: We learned lots about our subjects, and others. We learned how to read and evaluate clinical studies, how to research and write papers. 
ME: Yes. The good old days. 
MICE ELF: Yet no one trusts us, or any other, more expert opinions anymore. 
CP: Sad, really. But I did give myself a laugh after I overheard your conversation. 
ME: How's that? 
CP: This is how the conversation went in my head. I wish I weren't on the phone at the time. 

Merely Every Guy Arguing Things Which Aren't True: I'm here to get the J&J booster. 
CP: There is no booster. 
MEGATWAT: There is. I read a study somewhere. 
CP: Did you now? Do you have a copy?
MEGATWAT: I don't know where I saw it. On TV or NPR or somewhere. 
CP: Aha. I see. I see. Can you give me more than the headline to go on?
MEGATWAT: It said J&J had been approved for a booster after 2 months and it will bring me up to 94%. I want it. I had my shot in March. 
CP: This is the problem with attention spans and how we digest news today. It reminds me of those "spotty network" commercials where people only hear every other word. 
MEGATWAT: How's that? That's what I heard!
CP: Yes, it was announced that J&J reported the results of their Phase 3 trials. They reported that a second shot boosted immunity to those levels. However, the news did not say a booster had been approved, nor did it say it was recommended by the CDC or approved by the FDA. You can't even understand what you saw/read/heard on the news but you say you are going to "do your own research". Ha!
Let me give you an example: The study headline reads: "Every time a woman flips a coin it comes up heads". What is your takeaway? 
MEGATWAT: It's a miracle! I must take her to Vegas with me!
CP: But was it a singular woman? Or "woman" as in "not a man", or ALL women who flipped the coin? 
MEGATWAT: I don't know. 
CP: How many women were in this study?
MEGATWAT: I don't know. 
CP: What if I told you that the "study" involved one woman; that her "flipping of the coin" involved placing the coin on the table face-down then simply turning it over to show heads face up? Would that change your mind? Your "own research" is based on this flawed study. Much like the "alternative treatments" studies of your own research the study size was too small, there was bias in the study, she and the researchers knew which side was down so it wasn't a randomized, double-blind study. Basically, if you don't know how to interpret the data, you are incapable of "doing your own research". 
MEGATWAT: So can I get the shot?
CP: You are equally as flawed as your "own research". Please come back when you "hear" J&J has been approved for a booster. 

ME: You are correct though. 
MICE ELF: Yeah. People who purport to doing their own research are merely googling for research to back their preconceived opinion. 
CP: And I love when people post in the replies the same "studies" with the same headlines that are all based on exceptionally flawed data. 
ME: It's still amazing to me that, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary, these studies are still passed around as scientifically sound. 
MICE ELF: Probably the 3 worst cited studies have been: 1. Vaccines cause autism, 2. Oxycontin does not lead to addiction, and 3. the ivermectin study circulating. 
CP: As I said, the people who quote these studies back to us are the ones who can't understand or interpret what they saw/heard/read on the news, let alone determine if their information is coming from a legitimate source. 
ME: But keep in mind, thanks to Coming Very Slowly, our expertise is worth less than your interpretation of a news headline. 
MICE ELF: People can't even understand coupons, sales, how to assemble IKEA furniture but they can tell us all about "their own research". 
CP: Where else is the professional challenged? 
ME: Ted Bundy was his own lawyer? 
MICE ELF: Yeah. And how did that work out for him? 
CP: Leave the thinking to the experts.

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

You Can't Make Me. . .

. . . and continuing to argue and call me names will not help. 
Uber Tech: Angry lady on Line 2. Wants your name and all kinds of information. 
CP: Why? 
UT: I told her we are not allowed to fill her Rx for ivermectin. 
CP: Again, why does she need my name? Is that a veiled threat that she is going to report me in order to achieve my acquiescence? 
UT: I accidentally told her we had some because we just filled it for one of our regular patients who has been receiving it for his legitimate condition for over a year now. 
CP: Okay. I'll take over from here. 

CP: Pharmacist of Dreams. How may I help you today?
Continuing Unabashed Nagging That Is Sorta Harassment: My doctor called in my prescription to another pharmacy and they said they can't get it. 
CP: Did they now?
CUNTISH: And your lady there told me you have it so I want it. 
CP: Did you tell her you are using it for COVID? 
CUNTISH: I did. 
CP: Then I am not allowed to dispense it. 
CP: It is not for a legitimate purpose. 
CUNTISH: You HAVE to fill it. It's a real prescription from a real doctor. 
CP: I'm not questioning its legitimacy, although I am questioning the morals of your provider. 
CUNTISH: You cannot refuse to fill it. 
CP: Indeed I can. 
CUNTISH: What's your name?
CP: I go by many names. None of them are going to fill your prescription. 
CUNTISH: You cannot refuse me!
CP: I can. And I am. The law is clear here. (I quoted her the actual number * of my BOP Rule hoping this would end her harangue. It did not.)
CUNTISH: My doctor says I have to have it!
CP: Then you will have to find another, less scrupulous pharmacy, to berate into filling it. 
CUNTISH: You're the 4th pharmacy I have called and they all said they don't have it. 
CP: I doubt that. I believe they are telling people they don't have it so they don't have to argue with patients and get verbally abused and threatened. Which is what I will be doing hereafter. 
CUNTISH: What's your name? 
CP: Listen, if you want something, threatening me is not the way to get it. I politely explained why I refuse to fill your prescription; just like the other 3 pharmacies. You have all the information you need. 
Now go away. 
CUNTISH: What's Your Name!?
CP: <click>
* It states: "A prescription, to be valid, must be issued for a legitimate medical purpose by an individual prescriber acting in the usual course of his/her professional practice. . corresponding responsibility rests with the pharmacist. . . an order purporting to be a prescriptionissued not in the usual course of bona fide treatment of a patient is not a prescription. . . A pharmacist is not required to dispense a prescription of doubtful, questionable, or suspicious origin."

Friday, September 24, 2021


CP: If a patient comes in and complains about wearing a mask, saying it violates his freedoms, can I rebut with how he is violating my freedom to not have to listen to his bullshit? My pharmacy is not a pulpit. 
CPP: Didn't you make this case about offices calling to speak with you? 
CP: <laughs> I did. When the techs page me with "Pharmacist. Line 1. Dr. Zoffis wants to speak with you." I didn't get a choice. It takes two to make this conversation work. Maybe I don't want to participate in this one. Maybe I'll just sit it out. They're violating my freedoms by expecting me to talk to them. Even worse are when the patients say they "need to speak to the pharmacist". I don't think they do. I don't think I want to join. 
CPP: So you're saying your rights are being trampled? 
CP: Yes. If anti-mask, anti-vaxx feel they are being bullied by being forced to do something they argue is against their rights, what about my rights? I have the right to not have to listen to you. The only problem is, I can't mute you, hang up on you, change the channel, or delete you. 
CPP: Right? Our entire relationship is one of a transactional nature. No talking is required. 
CP: It's great that you're being forced to receive the vaccine by your employer. I don't care how much you hate it. I'm just here to give them. I don't care about your conspiracy theories. I'm not implanting chips, the patient won't die in a few months, and I don't care that you can still smell pungent aromas through the mask. Give me your arm, shut up and sit there. Or better yet, keep your mouth shut and pay me your copay. It gets old. 
CPP: Makes you have a new appreciation for barbers and bartenders and massage therapists. 
CP: They can't escape during their services either. But they can affect the service they provide. 
CPP: Oops. I thought you said "shave it all". 
CP: Hope you enjoy this drink. 
CPP: I have a job to do. But I don't have to listen to you.
CP: You have the freedom to shut up. I suggest you use it.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Nothing Changes. . . Everything Changes

ME: What's with the look?
MICE ELF: Yeah. You look a little pissed.
CP: I have not been drinking. 
MICE ELF: Angry. 
CP: Yes. That. 
ME: What happened?
CP: In the long list of "phrases your pharmacy hates to hear", this one is getting a lot of play lately: "In all the years I been dealing with this place, I ain't never had a problem with my insurance". 
ME: I hate that. 
MICE ELF: That's great. I appreciate you had a lengthy undefeated streak. Manchester United have a good one going right now too. Unfortunately, theirs, like yours today, will come to an end. But you had a good run. 
CP: To which he replied: "I guess I have to change pharmacies since you people can't get your shit together". 
ME: Another classic. 
MICE ELF: To which you replied?
CP: We are unworthy of your patronage. Please forgive us for ruining your streak. As a reward, we are promoting you to Ex-Patient-Of-The-Month! You prize is a free transfer to any pharmacy you like. Should you elect NOT to choose a pharmacy, a pharmacy will be chosen for you at random. Good Luck! And may the odds be ever in your favour. 
ME: Wow. Nice. 


Tuesday, September 14, 2021

Get Out Of The Line

CP: I always greet patients as they enter the store or approach the pharmacy. 
ME: Me too. 
MICE ELF: It's a good way to let them know they have been seen. 
CP: It also cuts down on complaints about them standing around without us acknowledging their presence. 
ME: Do you want a pat on the back or something?
MICE ELF: Yeah. That's what you're supposed to do. You can't take credit for things you're supposed to do.
CP: My issue is with those patients who do not acknowledge they have been acknowledged. 
ME: Like when you say "Hi. We will be right with you" and they do not respond?
MICE ELF: Or when you say "Welcome! Are you dropping off or picking up?" and they proceed to just stare blankly as if they just woke up in their body and have no idea who or where they are?
CP: Right. It's not your first time here. Or being in public. There is an order to social interactions; a procedure to follow, if you will. I say "hi" then you say "hi".
ME: Pleasantries exchanged! 
MICE ELF: Now we can conduct business. 
CP: Is it worse to ignore the first step? or just jump ahead to "stating your business" unbidden? 
ME: Like when people walk in, you say "Guten Morgen" and they say "Jones. Pick up. 7/7/77." and they haven't even fully entered the building yet?
MICE ELF: Right? Like let's just blow past first base and jump to dry fingering. 
ME: Something is very wrong with you.
MICE ELF: Well that's how it feels. I didn't even have the chance to look up or put on my fake smile and we're already blasting away. 
ME: It still amazes me how people can be clueless.
CP: Like the people who look confused as to where to stand. There are signs: "Drop off", "Pick Up", "Consultation", "Vaccine", but "Stand Here With Dumb Look On Face" is not among them.
ME: Precisely. 
MICE ELF: Remember John Pinette? 
MICE ELF: He had a comedy bit called "lines drive me crazy" about his experiences waiting behind people to order food at fast food restaurants. 
CP: I always think of this when I'm in line. Or when people are in my line. 
ME: Walk up. Get acknowledged (so you know I'm paying attention). Announce your intention(s). Wait for my response. Follow orders. Move along. 
MICE ELF: Move along. 


Thursday, September 9, 2021

Please Contact YOUR Patient

CPP: What is the most annoying change to happen to us (seemingly overnight) over the last decade or so? 
CP: I am most annoyed by doctors' offices that have outgoing messages on their phone trees that state: "If you are calling for a refill request, please contact your pharmacy and have them send us a request electronically". 
CPP: Yeah. Especially not helpful if you are calling to request a NEW prescription that the patient has never filled at your pharmacy before; they recently transferred from another pharmacy or state or provider and you need to get them a fill. You can't refill it if you haven't filled it. 
CP: I've decided to phlip the script on these offices. 
CPP: How's that?
CP: After each attempt at a refill, I will leave a voicemail message or note on the e-request that states: "Should you or your staff choose not to approve this medication request, it is incumbent upon you to call your patient and explain to them why you denied the fill/refill. We told the patient we would submit the request but that we did not have to power to approve or send the approval to the pharmacy. Patients have been instructed to follow up with you on all denials/non-responses after 48-72 hours.
CPP: You should also have a message on our phone tree specifically for the patients. 
CP: It just so happens I do: 
"It is up to the doctor to explain why they denied your request(s). If you do not hear from the pharmacy stating your refill has been approved, please contact your office until you get an answer. We can ask for a refill, but we can't make them review it, approve it, or send it back. We are busy giving shots and testing for COVID and not filling prescriptions or answering phones. Call your doctor until you get a response."
CPP: Nice. 
CP: Well, two can play at the game. Now if we could just use call forwarding to send them directly to Dr. Zoffis. Hmmmm. 
CPP: Can we include "we will no longer accept handwritten or phoned in prescriptions"? 
CP: I'll allow it. 
CPP: This reminds me of the time we talked about scheduling patients' office visits. Sort of.
CP: When we got tired of offices including those little notes on e-scripts and phone calls? 
CPP: Right. That, and when offices told us we should just have it ready when they get here. 
CP: Oh yeah! We just started telling patients they had appointments or they could just waltz into the office and they'd be seen immediately. 
CPP: Change the expectations. 
CP: Change the world!

Tuesday, September 7, 2021

Conflict of Messaging

CP: What are among the first things you do whenever you change your name, change your address, or change any personal information? 
CPP: I let everyone know. Family, businesses, banks, etc. 
CP: Right. Good. Makes sense. 
CPP: Are you moving? 
CP: No. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't me. 
CPP: What wasn't you? 
CP: There once was a lady with prescriptions
In desperate need of decryption
We called with no luck
She said what the phuck
And thus ended her conniption. 
CPP: Cute. You just made that up for this post? 
CP: #LamePharmacyJokes phor the win!
CPP: What's the point of telling people you've changed your bio?
CP: Seriously. This lady with prescriptions. We had a note in her profile from two years ago. "Patient transferred out to Long Dick's Drugs. ANY prescriptions sent to us will have occurred in error and should never be filled, but forwarded to LDD." 
CPP: Okay. Phairly straightforward. 
CP: Until we received prescriptions which needed decrypted. We called the doctor. He said she uses the other pharmacy so we filed them. 
CPP: Again. So phar so good. 
CP: Until the patient calls the next day asking why we didn't fill her prescriptions. 
CPP: And you explained the note. 
CP: At which time I explained the note. She said she decided to come back to us for convenience and we are again, her new pharmacy. 
CPP: But not before she got mad at you for not filling prescriptions she told you not to fill? 
CP: I'm pretty sure if I were to start doing business with a company, I'd tell them before I start having things sent to them on my behalf.
CPP: Like that scene in Notting Hill where Honey tells the friends she met someone, looks at Spike and mouths "it's you"?
CP: Exactly. You can't get mad at me for doing what you asked me to do even though you now changed your mind and didn't tell me to no longer do that thing and to do something else without telling me to now do the something else instead. 
CPP: Not a lady. Definitely a woman. 

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Things That Make My Brain Hurt

ME: What's today's puzzling, makes-my-brain-hurt conversation?
CP: It's a good one. Makes me question my sanity. 
MICE ELF: You have some left?
ME: Please continue. 

<Scene: Friday, 16:42>
Lady On Some Therapy: I need a refill. 
CP: I see you have a refill available but we do not have the medication in stock. 
LOST: I am lost without it. 
CP: You are lost with it. 
LOST: I'm going to die without it. 
CP: You are going to die with it. 
LOST: I need it.
CP: It's Friday evening and we do not receive orders on Saturdays. I can order it for Monday or I ca. . .
LOST:  Can you transfer it?
CP: . . .or I can phone the pharmacy of your choosing and transfer it to them. 
LOST: Transfer it to Other Pharmacy People so I can get it this weekend. 

MICE ELF: There's nothing wrong with that. 
ME: Yeah. That scenario repeats itself all day every day in every pharmacy. 
CP: Fast forward to Monday morning. 

<Scene: Monday Morning, 10:10>
Dr. Jack Shephard: My patient called and said she needs a refill. 
CP: You mean LOST? 
DJS: Yes. 
CP: She has a refill. We were out of stock. It's a special order item due to cost. As it was Friday night, she opted to transfer it to OPP. 
DJS: She called and said she needed a refill. 
CP: Nope. 

MICE ELF: Again, not weird. 
ME: I'm bored. 
MICE ELF: Get to the denouement already. 

<Scene: Monday morning, 10:42>
LOST: Did my doctor call in my refill?
CP: You don't need a refill. You transferred you medication to OPP on Friday. 
LOST: Yeah. But I didn't want to go out over the weekend. 
CP: Wait. You had us transfer your prescription to OPP because you were going to die if you had to wait until Monday and now you tell me you didn't feel like going out to retrieve it Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday? And they're a 24 hour store!
LOST: That's why I called my doctor. 
CP: Your doctor doesn't enter into this. He is irrelevant to the current situation. 
LOST: Well I want you to refill my medication today because I don't want to go there.
CP: Well I cannot. 
LOST: Why not?
CP: As you were told on Friday, we order this only for you. Since you elected to transfer it to OPP, we had no reason to order it for today so we did not order it for today. 
LOST: Well what am I supposed to do now?
CP: Um. You could, um, oh I don't know, uh, go to OPP where your prescription is currently filled and, like a puppy in a shelter, waiting to find a home?
LOST: Why don't you keep it in stock?
CP: Because it costs a lot. You're the only patient on it. Despite repeated pleas from us to sign up for automatic refills and alerts, you continue to refuse. Perhaps you will change your mind now. Or not. 
LOST: Well transfer it back and order it for tomorrow in case I don't get over there. 
CP: Huh? I am not going to hedge your bets for you. I can't transfer if you ARE going there because they will have to cancel it. 
LOST: Well if I don't get it, you'll need to order it. 
CP: I'll just don my wizard hat and crystals and scry to know if you're going to pick it up and, while I'm at it, divine your intentions to refill future prescriptions. 
LOST: I don't know what that means. 
CP: And I'll sign you up for automatic refills and texts.

ME: Wow. That took a turn. 
MICE ELF: I'm surprised she called you on Monday.
ME: Yeah. Wasn't she supposed to be dead?
CP: Alas, no. One of these days someone is going to actually keep the promises they make to pharmacies.

Friday, August 20, 2021

Booster Shots

With the announcement that pharmacies (and everyone else) will be administering COVID booster shots soon. . . 

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down

The Giant Deuce salivating and rubbing their hands (read:genitals) over this news.
Number 1: How do we stretch our staff even further and put patients' lives at risk under the guise of "helping patients live better lives"?
Number 2: Decrease staffing as we enter Pharmacy Winter.
Number 1: Always.
Number 2: Push flu shots at the expense of workflow and safety precautions.
Number 1: Duh.
Number 2: Announce that we will be administering more COVID vaccines and we will be adding staff to help?
Number 1: Huh?
Number 2: Just checking if you're awake. Further decrease staff, add daily conference calls to distract pharmacists and staff about the need to push flu and COVID shots, give them a goal or slogan of "FLU PLUS 2!"
Number 1: Catchy. How about "COVID and Flu and Shingrix, oh my!"? Also, can we work them until they have panic attacks and die behind the counter?
Number 2: That's next on the list.
Number 1: Think anyone will notice?
Number 2: Nope. Pharmacy staff are the worker bees. They die for us to survive.
Number 1: And make bank!
Number 2: No one cares about the profession. Nurses got all the press in 2020. Newspapers tried to bring attention to Pharmacies before we quashed the shit out of those reports.
Number 1: Give them pizza!

Oh. Yeah. Boosters. Good idea.
They work for all types of vaccines that mutate or whose effects wane over time.
Good idea, this. 
But if we know it's coming, why aren't we staffing NOW!
I say the day they announce as the first date shots are available, we all walk out. 
No shots. 
No shifts. 
No shit. 
Someone has to pay attention to us then.

Wednesday, August 18, 2021


CP: What if everyone adopted metrics? 
ME: You mean there are people NOT on metrics? 
MICE ELF: How do they function? 
ME: Yeah. How do they even know what to do next?
CP: Metrics make me nostalgic for the days of 5S. 
ME: Like when we had to label our staplers and spatulas and where we filed our prescriptions. 
MICE ELF: It was better than phorcing pharmacy to adopt Six Sigma. 
CP: They weren't inherently bad, but pharmacy workflow has too many variables and not enough help to allow it to work. 
ME: Glad we have those metrics though. 
CP: As I began, what if everyone adopted metrics and phorced their employees to attain them to the detriment of their other work? 
MICE ELF: Examples, s'il vous plait? 
CP: Dear OB/GYN Kenobis, you have not met your quota for baby deliveries this month. Don't drop the ball.
Dear Hospice, not enough people are dying to work with you this week. Start killing it. 
ME: Well, with hospice metrics, they'd call it something like "graduating to the mortician" or something more catchy and less somber.
MICE ELF: Can you imagine the action plans for OBs to make more deliveries? 
CP: I have a long-term plan, but it's going to take about 9 months, a lot of sperm bank withdrawals, and some open-minded volunteers. 
ME: And about those morticians, are there quotas for funerals in a week? Or cremations? Or alternative burials? 
MICE ELF: Probably alternative burials; like pushing HPV shots during a certain month. I know you had your heart set on this beautiful casket and plot with a tree but, can we interest you in tree burial? Where we hang him in the tree? It's our special this month. Next month is Sky Burial month. Half off if you book one for yourself too!
CP: I thought I was the oddball of the three of us. 
ME: You are. We try to keep up. 
CP: Speaking of the stupidity of pushing shots during random months and speed over accuracy, we sound like the police. 
MICE ELF: Holidays, tickets, and speed traps, oh my!
ME: Talk about filling quotas. 
CP: Metrics aren't inherently bad, it's simply that pharmacy uses them to measure the wrong things at the wrong times and worse, don't use the data to make informed business decisions. 
ME: They use them to punish us. 
MICE ELF: Like Mistress May?
ME: There's another business without metrics. 
MICE ELF: Not enough punishment delivered?
CP: I have such sights to show you. 
ME: You know you mixed your genres there at the end, right? 
CP: They'll get it.

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Pharmacy Label Phlair

CP: Our labels need updated. 
ME: Why? 
CP: They're not exciting enough. 
MICE ELF: They're supposed to convey important instructions to the patient so she knows how to correctly take her medication. 
CP: But they could be improved. They're boring. 
ME: Boring is good. Succinct. To the point. No misunderstanding. 
CP: That ship sailed a long time ago when e-scripts joined the scene. If there is one truth about e-scripts and directions, it's that they're even more difficult to understand now. 
MICE ELF: What do you have in mind? 
CP: Same message, more elegance; or eloquence. 
ME: What prompted this? 
CP: Remember yesterday's post? Under My Tongue?
ME and MICE ELF: We do.
ME: Yeah. What prompted that?
CP: One of my techs was fixing her sig code in the computer and wrote "under the tongue, dissolve one tablet" and thought that was a much more fluid way to write the directions. Then I took it to the next level and asked us, what if we applied that to ALL directions and labels?
ME: Oh dear. And you came up with?
CP: Diagramming sentences. We just move the parts around. 
1. Under the tongue shalt thou dissolve a single tablet. 
2. Via the Vagina shall ye insert one applicator of thine cream.
3. By mouth, thy shall swallow two capsules (place a pair in there)
4. Regarding the rectum, remove from foil one rocket and ram it home. 
5. Between the lips place the inhaler and proceed to breathe deep, puff. . . puff . . . hold. . . hold. . . hold. . . exhale through nose, pass. 
MICE ELF: Wait. What was that last one? 
CP: Huh? Nothing. Thinking ahead. We have pharmacy phriends in other states too, don't forget. 
ME: This was lame, even phor you. 
CP: It's been a slow week. But I made ME laugh.

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Under My Tongue

Under my tongue
Dissolve a tab for your ills
Under my tongue
Dissolve the films or even pills
Sublingual those
Convenience of the dose you chose
Ease of use, dissolving's fun
It's under my tongue
And ain't this the best way? 

Under my tongue
Can't resist when you can't swallow today
Under my tongue
There is just no easier way 

Goes down easy, yes it does
No need to drink just swallow now goes down easy 
My meds are phun
It's under my tongue 
I, I, say that's the way

Under my tongue
A delicious taste of a pill 
Under my tongue
It's the sweetest, yeah, dose it's a thrill

Goes down easy
The way it melts in your mouth it so 
Goes down easy, my dose is phun
It's under my tongue
I'll take the easy way
Goes down easy, oh yeah
No way I swallow the tabs no more
Down easy, that way is dumb
It's under my tongue
Yeah, just let it melt

Under my tongue
Won't choke on solid dosage phorms
Under my tongue, and I 
I can see why this dose was born

Goes down easy, yeah, that's she said 
The way it melts like it's s'posed to do 
Down easy, this dose is phun
It's under my tongue.

Tuesday, August 3, 2021


CP: Why don't people believe us?
ME: They need two sources. They're just doing their own research. 
MICE ELF: No. They never believe anything we tell them. Just look at any number of our posts. 
CP: <screams> Ah!. 
MICE ELF: What? I just agreed with yo. . . 
CP: <screams> Ah! There's that word again. 
ME: What word? 
CP: I can't say it. Suffice to say it is one of the words CP cannot hear. 
MICE ELF: It's just. . . 
CP: <shrieks> That's the word!
ME: What? Just? 
CP: Yes. 
ME: Why is it so painful? 
CP: Because people invoke that word as some sort of skeleton key; a word that will unlock all mysteries and solve all of their problems. 
ME: How do you mean? 

CP: Dear patient. We are unable to fill this. <explains why: prior auth, no refills, expired, backorder, myriad other reasons without solutions>
Just Invoking Patient: Can't you just. . . ? <whatever they say here is irrelevant>
CP: No. No we cannot "just" anything. Believe me. If we could "just" do something, we would. I'd rather "just" solve the problem than continue to listen to you argue with me. 
JIP: It's just. . . 
CP: No it isn't "just" anything. The discussion is over. 

MICE ELF: Why would people rather believe it is our job to make their and our lives more difficult by intentionally withholding a simple solution? 
ME: Or that we professionals, who deal with these issues all day, every day like it's our actual job, would somehow not have thought of their brilliant, novel fix?
CP: I want to follow these people around; maybe around town, maybe to their jobs, maybe home. Any time they run into trouble I'm like to offer them helpful tips that start with "Why don't you just. . ." or "Can't you just. . ." and see how helpful they think it is. 
ME: Like the other day when I was at a local restaurant and their internet was down. They warned the patrons they would have to pay by cash or check. The party accepted the terms and proceeded to enjoy their meal for the next two hours. At the end, the leader of the pack handed the hostess his credit card. When she again informed him their internet was down and reminded him he agreed to pay cash, he said "just run my card". She told him it doesn't work like that, the internet is down to which he replied "can't you just turn it off and turn it back on". I loved her so much when she smacked her forehead and said "why didn't I think of that hours ago?" 
CP: And that's just why we eat there. 
MICE ELF: <psst> You just said the word again.

Sunday, August 1, 2021

What's In A Name?

CP: <laughs uproariously>
ME and MICE ELF: <stare at each other>
ME: Ok. I'll bite. 
CP: <laughs harder>
MICE ELF: What got into you?
CP: Did you ever hear something every day and then, for some insanely stupid reason, you hear it again in such a way that it forever alters your impression of it? 
ME: Like pronouncing finasteride as Fine-Ass-To-Ride?
MICE ELF: So what happened today?
CP: I have a list of names I use frequently, Dr. Zoffis, Ass and Douche Baggins, etc. 
ME: Right. And?
CP: I have some I haven't used. Like the private investigator, Dick. 
MICE ELF: Ok. Dick who?
CP: Lofenac. Dick Lofenac. Pronounced LO'-fin-Ack. 
MICE ELF: Phunny. But not enough to warrant your insane cackle earlier. 
CP: Right. No. I was picturing writing a movie and thought Tessa Perles was a good name. 
ME: It is. Sounds like a pharmacy stripper name. 
CP: Precisely. But, it was then that I realised it would make a better porn star name if we made a pharmacy porn with her partner. 
MICE ELF: Her partner?
CP: Amber Vials. 
ME: Amber Vials? 
CP: YES! Doesn't Amber Vials sound like a great stripper or porn star name? Imagine the plot lines you could write about how things come in Amber Vials. Especially Tessa Perles. 
MICE ELF: You're phucking mental. 
ME: I have to admit, it is phunny. 
MICE ELF: Must be Phriday at the pharmacy. 
CP: And now you'll never not picture Amber Vials the actress as you restock the supplies. We need more Amber Vials!

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Make Me

ME and MICE ELF: Tell us a story. 
CP: When I was young warthog!
ME and MICE ELF: When CP was a young warthooooog!
CP: I asked my mom for a toy. 
ME and MICE ELF: Awwww. 
CP: She said "no". 
ME and MICE ELF: Booooo!
CP: Worse, at times, she even ignored me; it was almost as if she'd not heard my pestering requests at all. 
ME and MICE ELF: Oh dear.
CP: I couldn't make her buy me the toy. My charms didn't work. My polite requests failed. My tantrums and whining produced no results.
ME and MICE ELF: What did you do?
CP: I stole it. 
ME and MICE ELF: <collective gasp>
CP: Not really. But now that I have your attention. . . 
ME and MICE ELF: Damn. Another allegory. 
CP: Requesting refills for patients makes me feel like that young warthog again. 
ME and MICE ELF: When CP was a young warthoooooog!
CP: I can request the refills. I can beg, implore, beseech, supplicate to be heard and get their refills. However, as with my mom, I cannot expect to be heard by the office. I cannot expect to be rewarded.  Sometimes, I am ignored. Just as I couldn't make her buy me that toy, I cannot make your provider give me your refills. Maybe you should try it with your own mother. I mean provider, yourself. 
ME: I take it something precipitated this? 
MICE ELF: Of course it did. You know our brain works in mysterious ways. It's how we deal with the retail world and compartmentalize to survive. 
CP: Lady called to yell that her inhaler was out of refills. It was a Friday night. Provider wouldn't call over the weekend, blah blah blah. Told me it was my job to automatically refill her all her medications, even the prn ones and it's my fault her provider didn't respond.
ME and MICE ELF: <laugh maniacally>
ME: You're so phunny, CP.
MICE ELF: <wipes away tears of laughter> Expecting people to get their own refills. 
CP: Turns out, when I finally reached her provider, they said she hadn't been seen in over a year and she needed to come in before they'd authorise more refills. 
ME and MICE ELF: Harsh. 
CP: She said "oh. okay". 
ME: No apology? 
MICE ELF: No "Thank you"? 
CP: <cackles> Now who's making who laugh? Providers are infallible. We are the assholes. 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

CP: Will you call my ex for me? 
CPP: Why? 
CP: I think I left something there. 
CPP: What? 
CP: No clue. I keep getting phone calls and texts but I don't answer them. I don't listen to the messages and I certainly don't read the texts. 
CPP: Bad breakup? 
CP: Not really. 
CPP: Then why can't you call?
CP: I don't wanna. You do it. 
CPP: Am I the friend you got in the breakup? 
CP: Yes. 
CPP: Okay. I gotta ask. Where are we going with this? 
CP: We're going to break up if you continue with the attitude is where we're going. 
CPP: Seriously. 
CP: Phine. I had a patient last month. Asked us to transfer her whole profile from one of the Giant Deuce. I did. 
CPP: Okay. And now?
CP: Well, I transferred the whole profile. I'm not only the new partner apparently, but also the remaining friend from the breakup. 
CPP: Always a bridesmaid. . . 
CP: And she came in and asked if I would call her ex-pharmacy because she is still getting phone calls and texts from them. Not only am I supposed to find out WHY she is getting these messages (couldn't be bothered to listen to the voicemail or read the texts), I'm supposed to make them stop. 
CPP: So you get the rest of her profile, anything that may be new, and problem solved, right?
CP: Except they had no new medications. Nothing they hadn't transferred. Their system still attempts to send refill requests and auto-fill things. 
CPP: Even after some patients have died. 
CP: I told her breaking up is hard to do and did my part as her new BFF to cut the cord but I think the Giant Deuce won't let her go that easy. 
CPP: It would be easier to find a new doctor, change phone numbers, and make a new identity than to evade the clutches of the Giant Deuce without a restraining order. 
CP: Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. 
CPP: And apparently she's thinking I owe her a favour. 
CP: Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. 
CPP: That's it. I'm breaking up with you.
CP: Can you transfer my meds first?

Monday, July 26, 2021

No Escape

CP: Do offices even read the communications we send them? 
CPP: Is Metformin pleasant to the nose? 
CP: It was rhetorical. 
CPP: I know. 
CP: But based on some of the responses we receive, I'm not sure their faxy lackey reads below the header "Pharmacy Request". 
CPP: What was your most recent? 
CP: Everyone has received the "refill approved x42" on a "prior auth required" fax, right?
CPP: Yes. Most of the comments on posts such as this will reiterate the salience of this. 
CP: Right. Today's example is my other, most-hated reply. 
CPP: Not. Our. Patient?
CP: Close. 
CPP: No longer taking? 
CP: Almost. 
CPP: What, then?
CPP: Well that's not so bad. 
CP: He's a diabetic and it was for his syringes. To administer his insulin. The insulin they prescribed him. The insulin that IS on his med list. You need syringes to make the insulin go; like gas for your car. It would be like the car dealer selling you a new car but not giving you gas to get off the lot. 
CPP: After the car lot closed. 
CP: On a Friday night. 
CPP: Of a holiday weekend. 
CP: Seriously though. How do you not have "Insulin Syringes" on a patient's med list? Maybe if this were a hospital intake form, I could excuse it. This was a refill request from the primary care provider who wrote the prescriptions for insulin AND syringes. 
CPP: Well it is a "MED" list. 
CP: Don't you start. They go hand-in-hand like peas and carrots, Forrest and Jenny, Jack and Coke.
CPP: At least you could sell the syringes without a prescription. 
CP: Not to a Medicaid or Medicare patient who doesn't ever pay for their supplies. 
CPP: So basically it's a waste of time. 
CP: Maybe if the Giant Deuce hadn't ruined it for all of us by inundating offices with multiple, unnecessary refill requests, the offices may respond a little better; maybe by even reading the fax first. 
CPP: I doubt it. 
CP: I guess we just fax it back, call the patient, tell them their provider thinks they don't need it, and the issue settle itself. 
CPP: Except the posts for the next two days show how lazy and helpless patients are. 
CP: Just let me have this one.

Training Tips

What is your favourite training tip?

Whether it is for interns, students, or technicians, what tips do you use most often?

Think sigs: How do you get them to remember the difference between S and D?
or between A and P?
or SL and ODT?

I have found these sig codes appear most often.
1. AC vs PC (before meals vs after meals) I like to remind everyone of AM (morning) and PM (evening). Think of them as BEFORE Midday and AFTER Midday.
I also throw out to try "AFORE vs POST".

2. AS vs AD (Or OS vs OD). S=sinister. Evil. LEFT Side vs. your DOMINANT Hand (for all but 10%).
Make the OK symbol with your left hand. Hold it up to your eye. Now you know "O" is for eye. Also, you can trace an "S" from your middle finger to your pointer finger through the circle to your thumb. OS=Left EYE. 
Make the same OK symbol with your right hand. Straighten your fingers. It makes a lower case "D". OD=Right EYE. 

3. SL vs ODT - SUB=Under which means this is literally Under The Tongue whereas ODT should be remembered as ON DA TONGUE.

What other training tips do you use in the pharmacy?

Friday, July 23, 2021

Moody Blues

CP: Why do I have to be in a good mood all the time? 
CPP: Who told you you did? 
CP: Them asses. 
CPP: pssst. it's "The Masses", not "Them Asses". 
CP: Enunciation is key to wit. But it works in this case. Why do people believe they get to dictate how I feel? 
CPP: How do you mean?
CP: Patients complaining about us not smiling or being in a good mood. Sorry but, are you always in a good mood while you're at work? Work is a stressful environment. I can't think of anyone who complains they'd rather be at work because it's less exhausting than being on vacation. 
CPP: Especially now with no one wanting to work at all. 
CP: Why do I always have to be the one in a good mood though? Why can't you, the patient or diner or patron, be forced to be in a good mood? 
CPP: It would make our jobs a lot more tolerable if we could force that.
CP: Right? Smile! You're out in public. You're not working but I am. I'd rather be running errands or enjoying life but I'm here trying not to kill people and your glum presence is bringing me down, man. I'm going to need you to smile or crack a joke or at least elevate your mood so I can focus. 
CPP: But we work in healthcare where people often need medications to feel better. 
CP: As I said, high stress, high focus. When people focus on a task, they usually make weird, screwed up faces. Think of sticking your tongue out while threading a needle, or a golfer lining up his putt. Or  defeating constipation! Concentration. Focus. 
CPP: Did someone tell you "it takes more muscles to frown than to smile"?
CP: It takes no effort of any muscles to activate resting neutral face. We are expected to concentrate, quickly fill prescriptions, deal with the stress our employers place on us, then force a smile because a patient believes she deserves it? Nah. I'm not buying it. 
CPP: As we've mentioned many a time, perhaps you get bad customer service because you're a bad customer. 
CP: Right. If patients don't smile at us, or diners don't smile throughout dinner, I believe we should be allowed to dismiss them. Maybe we could add a "didn't smile through our interactions" to their profile or a charge on their bill. 
CPP: We will put it right next to allergies. Personality? "Lacking". 
CP: But don't complain my staff didn't smile. You don't get to tell me how I get to look or feel at work. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes. It's like the photograph I tell everyone to take of the pharmacy. You only see that second of your interaction, not what led to it. Yes, we are in the retail sector. But we are also in the not killing people, hurry up and answer my phone call/just a quick question, dealing with impatient patient field of healthcare as well.

Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Poor Bob

ME: Are we supposed to put out our trash tonight? Or is it delayed?
MICE ELF: I don't know. How do I know? 
CP: If you're like me, you have a Bob. 
ME & MICE ELF: <confused looks> Huh?
CP: Bob is our local neighbourhood friend. A number of years ago, Bob started posting in our community Facebook page the trash delivery schedule around holidays. 
ME: How nice of him. 
CP: Well, I thought it was nice in a saccharine way. Sweet, yes. Unnecessary, definitely. Have we really gotten to the point that we don't know when to take out the trash without someone posting it to our community page? We are adults. We've lived our entire lives without someone reminding us it's trash night. 
MICE ELF: But what if you forget? Or it actually got pushed a day? How dreadful!
CP: Seriously. It either sits on the curb an extra day or I miss it and take it out next week at its regularly scheduled broadcast time. 
ME: I have a feeling this is more allegorical than you are letting on. 
CP: Quite right. It's the struggle of the pharmacy and the pharmacist. We used to allow people to call in their own refills. 
ME & MICE ELF: <in horror> GASP!
CP: Right! We used to believe that people, especially adults, were completely capable of recognising their bottles were nearly empty and trusted them, WE TRUSTED THEM!, to call in their own refills. 
MICE ELF: What happened?
ME: Yeah. What happened?
CP: We started to fill them for them. "Courtesy refills" we called them 
ME: Ghastly! 
MICE ELF: The horror. The horror! 
CP: What happened to us is the same thing that befell Poor Bob. For years he reminded our community to place our bins at the curb on the proper night. One night, a night much like this one, he didn't post a reminder. Did he forget? Was he imperiled? None knew. The only echoes on the page that night were of lost souls seeking guidance. Bob? Hey Bob? Do I put out the bins tonight? People became angry with Bob. What was at first an overly sweet, caring gesture had become an expectation. He was the torchbearer for proper trash disposal all around town! If we couldn't rely on him to guide us, what were we going to do? 
ME: Call the local trash company? 
CP: <sniffling> No one knows the number. Bob knew it. That's all we needed to know. 
MICE ELF: Check out the trash company's website? 
CP: <howling in anguish> And trash poor Bob like that? All we know is the Facebook page. Without it we are lost. He is our beacon. Why would we go directly to the source? To the company itself when we have BOB!?
ME: Did people blame Bob? 
CP: They did. Many unfriended Bob. Physically and emotionally, not on actual Facebook. They still needed to be good neighbours on there and find out about the local picnic and parades. But they were distant on the sidewalks, let me tell you. 
MICE ELF: All these poor people made fun of Bob for doing a nice thing out of the goodness of his heart and then they expected it of him and so turned on him the one time he didn't deliver. 
ME: Like refilling patients' refills automatically is somehow our job. Well done. 
MICE ELF: What happened to Bob?
CP: Huh? Oh. No clue. I took my bins out like I always do. Either they get picked up or they sit another night. I'm sure he's okay. I guess we'll find out Labor Day. 

What at first appears as consideration, later devolves into obligation and expectation. 

Monday, July 5, 2021

If Your Hospital Operated Like Your Pharmacy

CP: Hi. Thanks for staying with us this weekend. Did you find everything you were looking for?
PT: Um. Yes. I was here to give birth to my baby. 
CP: Wonderful. Well I see we processed your insurance card. Let's head over to checkout and we will get you out the door with that adorable bundle. 
PT: Thanks. I'm exhausted. 
CP: I bet. Okay. Do you have a loyalty card with us? 
PT: <puzzled> Not really sure. 
CP: I can look it up by your phone number if you really don't have it. 
PT: I'm not really interested. 
CP: You don't want the coupons?
PT: For what? 
CP: $10.00 of your next delivery or BOGO adult diapers!
PT: No. 
CP: Would you like any of the following vaccines today?
PT: Didn't I get them already? 
CP: Maybe. It's almost always flu shot season so we like to get ahead. Or COVID vaccine? HPV is a hot seller this month. I could double tap you and your SO right now if you like? 
PT: I think I'll pass, thank you. 
CP: Ok. We will continue to ask this each time you visit us. You're bound to submit eventually. Would you like to receive texts about our services? 
PT: Not really. I delivered a baby. I don't visit here regularly. 
CP: So that would be a "no" for automated refill reminders, doctor calls, home delivery, and cheese-of-the-month club? 
PT: Yes. No. No! to all of it. I just want to get home with my baby. I've been here for days. 
CP: I understand. But if I don't ask all these questions, they make us dress up in velcro fly suits and shoot us out of a cannon onto a velcro spider wall where the corporate overlords feast upon us overnight. This really should be a simple "sign here, good day" transaction but most people end up hating us about here as we are only halfway done. 
PT: <looks down> Can I, um?
CP: Yep. Nurse away. I feel her pain. And yours. Moving on. Are you interested in donating to the Charity-of-the-Moment fund? It helps corporate get a write-off without doing anything and you can feel good about yourself for a few seconds. 
PT: I give at the office. 
CP: Would you like us to get a delivery room ready for you for this time next year? 
PT: What? 
CP: It's our proactive procreative program. It's good to strike while the iron is hot so we discover many couples return within a year of giving birth to deliver their next one. There's a discount if you book now. We will send you monthly fertility reminders, when to have sex now that you have a newborn pamphlets, ovulation predictors, and you'll get 400 loyalty points just for signing up. 
PT: Sure. Anything to get out of here.
CP: Great! I may make my quota this time and not have to become a fly again. 
PT: Anything else? 
CP: No. Well, now that you mention it, since you are leaving with more people than you entered with, we are going to have to add your baby and repeat the entire process for her. 
PT: <exhaustedly> Just mark "yes" for everything.

Wednesday, June 16, 2021

Pharmacy Times OTC Guide (Is Stupid)

I understand this is for Brand products. It's there in the title of the survey. There's no reason to recommend brands over generics UNLESS it's to give the patient a name to remember as they peruse the aisles. If we walk them to the product, the patient most likely will walk away with the store brand. 
But I digress. 
On with my rant. 
The more years I have practiced, the more I have realised how useless this annual report really is. After completing the survey a number of times, I've also learned how incomplete and inaccurate it is.
For those who don't know, we are given survey questions in the form of multiple-choice. For some questions there may only be two options, for others, there could be ten.
What if my answer isn't listed? I guess my opinion doesn't count.
In that case, I am actually responding to "Which of the FOLLOWING do you recommend?" instead of "What do YOU recommend?"
See the difference? 
Let's look at the categories (a few). 
Stool Softeners: Your choices are 
1. Colace, 2. Dulcolax, 3. DulcoEase, 4. Phillips' Stool Softener. 
(Let's suppose this is one of those "one of these drugs is not like the other" song-y games.) Can you tell which one doesn't belong? 
Here's a hint: "It has LAX-ative" in the name" which means it's NOT a stool softener as per the category requirement. Shit. 

Let's move to Cough/Cold/Flu Combinations Daytime
Nope. Not recommending any combinations. For one, they usually don't contain what you need or contain something you don't. Two, last I checked, Claritin and Mucinex are single-ingredient products. (No, before you respond, the response did not say Mucinex Cold or Flu, it said Mucinex only.) Coricidin HBP is a marketing gimmick ONLY. Period. Its sole existence is due to the fact that, at one time, pseudoephedrine was in OTC products. Simply put, HBP = Pseudoephedrine-free. Now it's just marketing. No reason to recommend this product.

Antihistamines: Claritin? Really? It's shite compared to the other daily ones which are all better. 
Homeopathics: I'm not recommending these. If you want them, I'll show you where they are. Maybe that's what they meant. 
Acid Reducers. Why do they combine H-2 with PPIs? then separate them into their own categories? There are reasons to choose one category over the other. This makes it seem like Pepcid is the go-to for every issue. How is the patient, the target audience of this report, to make a decision off of this? 

Topical Poison Ivy/Oak
There is a true, equal split here. Why are there eight replies representing 7% - 17%? Because we usually recommend a combination of products. 

Hand sanitizers? 
Really? I'm fairly certain I have never recommended a brand of sanitizer. Does it have enough alcohol? Yes? Buy it. 

Headaches vs Migraine Headaches?
pssst. Excedrin and Excedrin Migraine are the exact same product. Same ingredients. Same strengths. 
Oral Anti-Inflammatory?
Advil and Motrin are the same thing. Technically we're all recommending Ibuprofen, aren't we? 
As I said before, the sole purpose of this report is to increase sales of Brand OTC medications. It is our responses to a list. It is NOT a reflection of what we actually recommend.

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

If There Was A Problem

yo, I'll solve it. . . 
CP: Or be blamed for it. 
CPP: Why so cynical, CP?
CP: <gives pseudo-menacing glare> Phunny. 
CPP: <shrugs> 
CP: Did you ever notice how we are disproportionately blamed for the phailings of the healthcare system? 
CPP: I work retail. And I work it with you. Of course I noticed. I think it has to do with accessibility. 
CP: The more accessible your healthcare provider is, the more you can yell at, berate, upbraid, castigate or keelhaul her. 
CPP: But those providers who are isolated within a myriad warren of halls and walls? 
CP: No issues with the public. 
CPP: I pheel a story coming. 
CP: Have a seat. Criss-cross applesauce. 

Another Lunkhead Expecting Some Transmission Of Routine Medication: I just spoke with your tech and she told me you didn't have my medication. 
CP: She lied. 
ALESTORM: I knew it!
CP: I have your medication, but I do not have the requisite prescription to dispense it to you. 
ALESTORM: That makes no sense. 
CP: Sure it does. I stock medications. The one you take is in stock. Thereby confirming that I DO have your medication. 
ALESTORM: But my doctor always sends me 3 months at a time. 
CP: Two months. 
ALESTORM: No. Three months. 
CP: It's not a haggle. We're not bartering for the best price here. Since last November, your doctor has sent your prescriptions two months at a time. 
ALESTORM: Well something is off here. 
CP: Your attention and comprehension. 
CP: <titters>
ALESTORM: "If I find the problem is with you, I WILL find a new pharmacy!" 
CP: Ooh. So adamant and threatening. I have a follow up question to that. 
CP: You threatened me that if the problem were mine, you would take your business elsewhere. Does the corollary also hold true?
ALESTORM: Cor what now? 
CP: Cor Blimey. This is rough. The corollary. If you discover the doctor is at phault phor your missing prescription, meaning HE NEVER SENT IT TO ME, are you going to then threaten him as well? Are you going to threaten him with phinding a new doctor? I'm taking my talents to another Dr. Zoffis! Better yet, will you apologise to me when I am proven right and you come skulking into my pharmacy to retrieve your medication. 
ALESTORM: <click>
CP: Thought so. 

CPP: Let me guess. . . the doctor never sent it. 
CP: No. Two months at a time. That's how often he checks the PDMP. 
CPP: Did he apologise?
CP and CPP: <laugh>
Keelhaul that filthy landlubber
Send him down to the depths below
Make that bastard walk the plank
With a bottle of rum and a yo ho ho

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

I Love You?

ME: We received another complaint that we weren't "friendly" or "convincing" enough when we said "have a nice day". 
MICE ELF: Is this from the same people who tell us we "should smile more"?
CP: Probably. Really enjoyed the anonymity of the masks; and not being told to "smile more". Now I have to reteach my face to behave. Its inner RBF was allowed to be untethered under the masks. What's this I hear about a complaint? 
MICE ELF: ME just said we didn't greet someone with enough pheeling. 
ME: Poor baby. How ever does she make it through her day? 
CP: I love you. 
MICE ELF: Huh? Um. I love you, too?
ME: Awww. And I love you. 
CP: Do you really love me? Or were you just parroting what I said because I said it first? 
MICE ELF: I am so confused right now. 
ME: ME too.  
CP: Think about those words. I. Love. You. How many times have you said them? How many different ways have you uttered those words today? In your life? As a child to your parents? As an infatuated teenager to your amour? In the heat of the moment? As a parent to your child? On the phone, ending a conversation? In each of those instances, the way you say "I Love You" and the intensity behind those words changes. Your intention is the same, to impart your feelings of love towards that person. Is a hasty "loveyoubye" different from an "I love you. Have a great day!" as you both head off to work or end your lunchtime phone call? No. It's become a quick sign off. It doesn't mean anything less based on how tired or trite it may sound when the other person says it. 
ME: You're saying "have a nice day", when repeated ad nauseum throughout a long day, can come across as less than enthusiastic but it doesn't mean we wish them any less happiness? That it reflects how we are feeling at that moment?
MICE ELF: True. I can just hear these same people complaining that their children or spouses "didn't say 'I Love You' with enough spirit and joie de vivre". 
CP: Precisely. Can't you just see it?

Angry Little Elf: Say it.
SMART Angry Little Elf's Kid: I love you. 
ALE: Do you?
ALE: Really?
SMART ALEK: Really really. 
ALE: Say it like you mean it. With conviction!

ME: Some days, I'm just not feeling it. 
MICE ELF: And that's okay. Reflexively replying with "I love you" or "I love you too" in whatever tone you can muster does not detract from the intention of the feeling behind it. 
CP: If someone is polite enough to acknowledge your presence, your very existence with a pleasantry, "hello", "good morning", "have a splendid day", accept it and move on. But don't ever complain about their sincerity based on how you heard their tone or that she didn't smile. 
ME: If there are two ways to interpret something, and one of them is negative, why do patients always choose the negative one? 
MICE ELF: To feel better about themselves?
CP: It's amazing to me how difficult it is to take a compliment anymore. 
ME: Because we don't hear them often? 
CP: You are wise beyond our years, ME.