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Wednesday, December 15, 2021

That's a No Phrom Me

Needs One Pervasive Excuse: I am here for my covid shot. 
CP: Glad you're finally making it in to see us. 
NOPE: I'd like the J&J if you have it. 
CP: We do. We vend a vast variety of vaccines. 
NOPE: I shall prefer that one. 
CP: Of course. We also like to call that the 1-800-Safe-Auto vaccine. 
NOPE: Why?
CP: Because you are looking for the bare minimum to either stay in school or keep your job and you only want one shot, aka the "cheap" option. 
NOPE: Exactly. 
CP: I just need you to fill out the paperwork. 
NOPE: First, I have a question for you. 
CP: Shoot. 
NOPE: Do you aspirate the covid shot? 
CP: Nope. 
NOPE: Why not? 
CP: Because there is no reason to aspirate on an IM injection; this hasn't been taught for years. 
NOPE: But, even though they are tiny, you could still inject it into tiny vessels. 
CP: No. No I really couldn't. Those little vessels are called capillaries. Aspiration of an IM injection could cause problems, especially in small children, cause pain in patients, require unnecessary distraction from the injection itself, and prolongs patient exposure to the needle. 
NOPE: So you won't do it?
CP: NOPE. I have given thousands of shots and never been asked to aspirate, nor considered it. But I can tell you've been reading "reasons to not get the vaccine" or "how to annoy your pharmacist" on the internet for many months now so you must be well-educated. Please explain why you require this. 
NOPE: Major side effects of heart issues from shots being administered into the bloodstream. 
CP: Uh-huh. I see. And how is your familiarity with human biology, anatomy, and the circulatory system? 
NOPE: Huh?
CP: Do hospitals take blood from your deltoid muscles?  
NOPE: Nope. 
CP: Why?
NOPE: <shrugs>
CP: Right. No major blood vessels located there. 
NOPE: But there could be really deep ones. 
CP: Have you looked at your skinny arms lately? You can barely conceal the bone under the skin, let alone any major blood superhighways. 
NOPE: But I'd rather be cautious. 
CP: And I'd rather not have to explain how to do my job to everyone that doesn't believe the experts who study these things for a living. I'd rather not spend my days proving decades of knowledge to random internet sleuths all day. But here we are. I'm stuck arguing my facts against your "reasons to avoid getting vaccinated". I will not aspirate. Now do you want the shot or not?
NOPE: I have to get it for work. 
CP: Then pull your arm out of your sleeve, shove it in your mouth, and let's go.

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