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Saturday, December 17, 2022

Own Your Stupid, Lady

 <7 minutes to close>
Totally Waiting All Today: Where'd the other pharmacist go?
CP: She decided to backpack across Idaho. WE haven't heard phrom her in a few months but we assume she's phine. 
TWAT: You're new here. 
CP: No. I've been here 9 months now. 
TWAT: Well you're new to me. 
CP: No. I've seen you at least half a dozen times. I've counseled you on your special order item the last 3 times you received it and the last time you were here, you came in, also 7 minutes to close, asking if I could phill 3 Rx's that you'd had for a few days to which I replied "Um, no". Oh, then we rang out your other 7 items that had accumulated over 11 days. But sure, I'm new. 
TWAT: I miss her. 
CP: Everyone does. 

<3 minutes later; now 4 minutes to close>
<phone rings>
TWAT: You gave me a prescription earlier and it was only phor 90 days. 
CP: Without a name or timeframe, I'm guessing you're the TWAT that just left. Let me check. 
TWAT: "I keep telling everybody this 30 day thing doesn't really work for me."
CP: Oh. Well if by "everybody" you mean "the pharmacy" or "the previous RPh", then you're telling the wrong people. You need to start with your office that acutally writes the Rx's. They keep sending them phor 30 days. 
TWAT: Can't you change it?
CP: If you ask me. Nicely. Before you pick up at 6 minutes to close. But you should start with the provider's office. Since, you know, they are responsible for sending you new Rx's. Start at the top. You could also, and I know this is crazy, call me before you pickup; like when you get the text, and ask "Hey, new person, is my Rx phor 30 or 90 days?" and I could phix it then before you get here. You know, take ownership of your Rx. You have only a few to remember. I cannot remember the special requests of 1000 patients and notes don't always work. Be better. Treat yourself better.  
TWAT: I guess I have to get used to the new way. 
CP: I've been here 9 months. We've been telling you this phor 9 months. That statement tells me definitively that you haven't been paying attention AND that you still think you are more important and entitled than anyone else. I can't help the other pharmacist mollycoddled you. Get off your high horse and learn YOUR Rx is YOUR responsibility. And stop coming in right at close. It's rude and I'm less likely to help you. 

Monday, December 12, 2022

Safety (Flu Shot) Dance

We give shots cuz we want to 
We give shots of every kind
CVS gives shots and Walgreens gives shots
With others not phar behind
Now, you can go where you want to
For that shot you need today
If you don't pick me you know I won't be upset
By missing my goals this way 

And we give shots
You can come when you want to 
We are open till really late
Get your tetanus shot with the prevar and flu
Like the Q-Tips out for a Shingrix date
And, we give shots cuz we have to 
If we don't, someone else will
Or you can get Hep A or even the Hep B
Just in case you are needing them still

Now say, we give shots, we give shots
COVID is now on the list
We give shots, we give shots
And making sure no one gets missed
We give shots, we give shots
Other places say they give "jabs"
We give shots, we give shots
I prefer to call them the "stabs"

Oy vey, we give shots, we give shots 
Nothing else matters at all
We give shots, we give shots
And no we can't answer that call
We give shots, we give shots
No way for me to check your script
We give shots, we give shots
Lack of help leaves us ill-equipped
Flu shot dance
Ah hell, the flu shot dance
Ah shit, the flu shot dance

We give shots cuz we have to 
Have patience and you'll get yours
Doesn't matter if you hurry, no one's got to worry
You'll get yours in just no time
I say, we give shots cuz we have to
They make us give more every day
Because others give shots and and since we give shots
Well, we need paid today. 

Sunday, December 11, 2022

Fungal In The Jungle 2nd Look

Fungal in the jungle, it gets worse here every day
Itchin' out like an animal, this ain't the time to play
You may think you want to go to the bushes down below
I must warn you now honey, my answer is no

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle
Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,
But at least it's odour-free 

Fungal in the jungle, it's been burning night and day
Burns so much when I try to pee, please make it just go away
Although sexy time is here and my needs I aim to please
Until this goes away, the lips say none of these
It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle 
If you, you, you, can understand
Oof, uh, best use your hand

Fungal in the jungle, the burning makes me scream 
I need my doc to write Diflucan case the creams don't work phor me
Itchin' discharge vulvar pain and rash all affect my naughty bits
Just buy some Terazol okay and hope it starts to phix this shit

It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle
Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,
But at least it's odour-free 

With Candida, you never ever wanna go down
Go down, go down go down, yeah

You know what you got?
Fungal in the jungle baby, you wanna die
It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle
Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,
It's all fungal, fungal in the jungle
Hope you, you, you, you can understand
Fungal, fungal in the jungle
Discharge all like c-c-c-c-ottage cheese, cheese,
Down in the jungle, fungal in the jungle
Itchin' burnin' for you
You don't wanna go down, nah

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

I Don't Wanna Hold Your Hand III

CP: Okay, I one more phor you. 
CPP: Just one?
CP: Phor this week at least. 
CPP: Is there a set up or you just going in dry?
CP: When my dad first described cruise control to me, that the car would "drive itself at the same speed", I was optimistic he could come back and hang out with us. I was a few decades premature on my optimism. 
CPP: You have to understand the limits of technology?
CP: And understand I was a tiny tyke and not an adult. 
CPP: Away we go. . . 
CP: CP's Castle of Pills, How can I please?
Granny Acting Hopeless: You gave me the wrong strips. 
CP: Guess the pleasure ship sailed. 
GAH!: You gave me OneTouch Ultra and I use Ultrasoft. 
CP: Test strips?
GAH!: Yes!
CP: Ultrasoft Test Strips?
GAH!: That's what I said. And they don't work in my machine.
CP: Ultrasoft are lancets. 
GAH!: No. I have a Verio Meter and these are Ultrasoft and they keep giving me an error. 
CP: You keep giving me an error. Do you a Verio AND AN Ultra meter? 
GAH!: Yes. But I don't like the Ultra. 
CP: Do you have the box we gave you?
GAH!: Yes. 
CP: What is the Rx number on the box?
GAH!: 8675309
CP: That number is phor your Ultrasoft.
GAH!: That's what I said. 
CP: Those are lancets. 
GAH!: I know what they are. I have the box right here. 
CP: Ok. Read me the box. 
GAH!: It says Ultrasoft and I use Verio test strips. See?
CP: No. I cannot see through the phone. Unfortunately, that is not a skill I was afforded when the genie came calling. (Turned out it was a djinn.) I can't help you read something over the phone. I can't see which box(es) you are looking at. I cannot see what you see. Unless you wish to bring in your boxes for me to review with you, I cannot help you read. 

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Something's Wrong

First Call of the Day. . .  

CP: Welcome to the Monday-Dome!
Very Amiss Gel Needling Lady: There's no tube thing in my Metronidazole box. 
CP: Well there wouldn't be. It's the topical gel. The hard copy reads: "topical gel to apply topically". 
VAGNL: How do I get it down there. 
CP: You don't. It's a topical usually used on your face; for rosacea. 
VAGNL: If I put it on my face, how will it work down there?
CP: It won't. You need to call your doctor to send over the correction. 
VAGNL: Why didn't that pharmacist tell me? 
CP: Tell you what? 
VAGNL: This was different?
CP: We don't know why it was prescribed. We don't know why you went to the doctor. It's not from a gynecologist. It's not written to be used vaginally. There's no diagnosis code on it. This checks all of the boxes for a valid prescription. When we asked if you had questions you replied with "I've been using this for years". 
Why are the doctors let off the hook and free from blame? *
*No, it's not the fault of a lack of counseling. Please stop blaming that. Perhaps these were delivered. Maybe they were mailed. Maybe a family member retrieved them. Focus on the mistake made by the prescriber and her poor use of the e-scribing technology. Sometimes, an error by a doctor is an error by a doctor. She's not an Ob/Gyn Kenobi and this was not indicated for the Fungal in the Jungle. 

Well it's fungal, in the jungle
And it itches, twixt thine knees
Now you're cream filled, like cannoli 
So quit bitchin' if you please

(My apologies to Jethro Tull)

Friday, December 2, 2022

It Means In The Phuture

Schedule: to plan for a certain date:
Appointment: a meeting set for a specific time or place:

CP: Greetings, sir. How may I turn our conversation into a post today?
Doesn't Understand The Concept Here: <presents covid vaccine record card> 
CP: Pretty. 
DUTCH: I'd like to schedule an appointment. 
CP: <Knowing how this will go, thereby baiting> Phor?
DUTCH: A covid booster. 
CP: Okay. And which one?
DUTCH: Da Booster. 
CP: Da Bears. 
CP: Which Booster?
DUTCH: The new one. 
CP: <tired of this game already> And which day works best phor you. Phor your appointment?
DUTCH: Now. 
CP: Sorry?
DUTCH: Now. I'd like it now. 
CP: Mayhap you misunderstand the concept of both "scheduling" and "appointment". To schedule means to plan phor a phuture date. Phuture, as in not today, let alone not forthwith. Appointment is an agreed upon time in the phuture where we conduct business. You are expecting a walk in vaccine. 
DUTCH: So can you do it now?
CP: No. As you clearly expected, our covid boosters are by appointment only. Which requires scheduling. Phor the phuture. Uber Tech here will gladly assist you with this.