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Tuesday, May 24, 2016

How Pharmacy is Like the Movies

Dirty Harry-Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?
Keep rushing me and I'll give you exactly what the prescriber ordered, errors and all.

Seven-What's in the box?
All we do is slap a label on it. Who cares what's actually in it. Here you go.


Forrest Gump- Life is like a box of chocolates.
We'll just grab it (something random) off the shelf and hand it over. You never know what you're going to get.

Poltergeist-They're here.
Opening time, and first of the month, and Mondays.

Minions- Reading a prescription is like trying to decipher their dialogue.

Saw-Want to play a game.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Best/Worst Pharmacy Pickup Lines

1. They call me Zyrtec because my D lasts for 12 hours and keeps you up all night.
2. Pharmacists always carefully follow directions. We take the time to unwrap before we insert. 
3. They call me Nystatin because you have to swish before you swallow. 
4. You're so sexy they had to name a birth control after you ... Camilla (insert pretty much any name here: Heather, Yasmin, Errin.)

You must be a box of pen needles, because you are ultra-fine. 
And don't forget the comeback: I may be Ultra-Fine, but you didn't tell me you too were like a box of pen needles, Mr. Nano (or Mr. Micro-Fine). 

Tuesday, May 17, 2016


"In this day and age, a man has to have choices. A man has to have a little bit of variety."
"What are you talking about 'variety'? Hostages?"

No. Not hostages. But we do have a lot of options today. We all make hundreds of decisions every day. Most of them are minor, but some have a significant impact on our life. Such as which pharmacy to patronize. Last I checked, we all have free will in this country. I can choose to eat or not eat at certain restaurants. I can choose where to spend my hard-earned dollars. I can be loyal to whomever I choose.

The problem with free will is that people often forget to exercise it. I know many don't exercise anything, but the freedom of choice really doesn't require that much work. If you love a business, shop there frequently. If you hate it, why do you continue to go there?

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine."

When your doctor asks (and on electronic prescriptions, it says) "Patient's Pharmacy of Choice", remember that YOU picked ME.  It says Patient's Choice.  I did not force you to come to my pharmacy. You made the decision to turn into my parking lot, exit your vehicle, and enter my store. It's not like a dinner choice.  Hey, I'm in the mood for Thai tonight. Your selection, and repeat business, is not just a whim.

With that in mind, I am done with you.  If you are unhappy, leave. When people threaten to go somewhere else, I'll tell them "Go Ahead".  I will even ask where they want me to transfer their profile so it's waiting for them when they get there.

I'm tired of being held hostage by people who don't understand and refuse to understand how the whole refill/insurance/plan ahead thing works.  I'm tired of people thinking they can get something by complaining simply because of their own stupidity.

I am taking the Twitter approach to dealing with these people. Twitter is about choice.  You actually have to choose to follow someone.  If you do not like what they have say, you have the simple choice to "unfollow".  I'd like people to apply that to pharmacy choice as well.  I only wish we could "block" people too.



    • sleepy and lethargic; half asleep:the wine had made her drowsy
    • causing sleepiness:the drowsy heat of the meadows
    • (of a place) peaceful and quiet:a drowsy suburb called Surrey Hills
    • Sleepy:

      needing or ready for sleep:the wine had made her sleepy
    • showing the effects of sleep:she rubbed her sleepy eyes
    • inducing sleep; soporific:the sleepy heat of the afternoon
    • (of a place) without much activity:he turned off the road into a sleepy little town
    • (of a business or organization) lacking the ability or will to respond to change; not dynamic:the one-time sleepy world of pensions

Here's one for you from yesterday....

Guy comes up to my consultation window at the pharmacy yesterday with a bottle of store brand generic liquid sleep-aid (diphenhydramine). 

He asks: "Can this be used to help you sleep?" 
Me: "absolutely"
His next question: (wait for it.....) "but it won't make me drowsy will it?" 
Me: ....I stare blankly at him for a moment.... "Um, yes. That's kind of the point of it. To make you drowsy... so you can sleep..."
He just says: "oh" and walks off.

I used to believe people didn't understand the definitions of "drowsy" and "sleepy". I'm not "bashful" about it making me "happy" to think of them as "dopey" when they call me "doc" and I tell them not to be "grumpy" with me. They'll no longer be "sneezy" either. 

Tuesday, May 10, 2016


I've often questioned what type of brainwashing academy seemingly sane pharmacists are sent to before graduating to the rank of district manager.
I'm pretty sure the curriculum includes:
How to send emails.
How to forward emails.
How to pass the buck to other people.
How to cut hours.
How to email pharmacists to cut hours.
How to email reminders about cutting hours.
How to check a pharmacy for policy compliance.
How not to give praise or compliments.

Is being a bad boss an innate quality corporations seek or is it carefully crafted, honed in a lab?

CP: Welcome to my pharmacy. It's been a while.
DM Out-Of-Touch: Uh-huh. <never makes eye contact>
CP: What brings you to our lovely establishment?
DMOOT: <walks to CII safes, checks they are locked, spins dials> Huh? Regular tour.
CP: Got it.
DMOOT: <suddenly aware of something amiss, she jumps up, looks around like a prairie dog scouting for predators> "Where is everyone?"
CP: To whom are you referring?
DMOOT: Employees. It's just you and one tech? <face twitches like a coked out squirrel>
CP: Yes. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try, just the two of us.
DMOOT: Huh. Okay.
CP: You cut our hours last month, remember?
DMOOT: Oh. Okay.
CP: No. It's not okay. Are you seriously that out of touch that you just asked us where the employees are after cutting our budget last month? That has got to be the most absent-minded, arrogant thing I've ever heard spoken by a boss.
DMOOT: You're queues look good. Keep up the good work.
CP: So maybe you have room to cut more hours? Oh, feel free to not answer the phone ringing off the hook while you're boasting about cutting hours.
DMOOT: You need to focus on customer service. You seem to have slipped in the "timeliness" and "wait time" categories.
CP: You're pretty slow, aren't you? Were you dropped on your head as a child? Picked on as the girl with the smallest breasts in the high school locker room? I see they're still waiting to develop, like your observation and leadership skills.
DMOOT: If your scores don't improve, we're going to have to make some leadership changes in this store, starting with you.
CP: That's pretty small-breasted, I mean, -minded of you. You cut hours, scores go down, and it's my fault?
DMOOT: You're in charge of the pharmacy. It's your job to deal with it.
CP: Do you like KMFDM?
DMOOT: Never heard of it.
CP: Them. They're a "them". A band.
CP: Check out the song "Free Your Hate". It's right up your alley.