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Tuesday, May 10, 2016


I've often questioned what type of brainwashing academy seemingly sane pharmacists are sent to before graduating to the rank of district manager.
I'm pretty sure the curriculum includes:
How to send emails.
How to forward emails.
How to pass the buck to other people.
How to cut hours.
How to email pharmacists to cut hours.
How to email reminders about cutting hours.
How to check a pharmacy for policy compliance.
How not to give praise or compliments.

Is being a bad boss an innate quality corporations seek or is it carefully crafted, honed in a lab?

CP: Welcome to my pharmacy. It's been a while.
DM Out-Of-Touch: Uh-huh. <never makes eye contact>
CP: What brings you to our lovely establishment?
DMOOT: <walks to CII safes, checks they are locked, spins dials> Huh? Regular tour.
CP: Got it.
DMOOT: <suddenly aware of something amiss, she jumps up, looks around like a prairie dog scouting for predators> "Where is everyone?"
CP: To whom are you referring?
DMOOT: Employees. It's just you and one tech? <face twitches like a coked out squirrel>
CP: Yes. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try, just the two of us.
DMOOT: Huh. Okay.
CP: You cut our hours last month, remember?
DMOOT: Oh. Okay.
CP: No. It's not okay. Are you seriously that out of touch that you just asked us where the employees are after cutting our budget last month? That has got to be the most absent-minded, arrogant thing I've ever heard spoken by a boss.
DMOOT: You're queues look good. Keep up the good work.
CP: So maybe you have room to cut more hours? Oh, feel free to not answer the phone ringing off the hook while you're boasting about cutting hours.
DMOOT: You need to focus on customer service. You seem to have slipped in the "timeliness" and "wait time" categories.
CP: You're pretty slow, aren't you? Were you dropped on your head as a child? Picked on as the girl with the smallest breasts in the high school locker room? I see they're still waiting to develop, like your observation and leadership skills.
DMOOT: If your scores don't improve, we're going to have to make some leadership changes in this store, starting with you.
CP: That's pretty small-breasted, I mean, -minded of you. You cut hours, scores go down, and it's my fault?
DMOOT: You're in charge of the pharmacy. It's your job to deal with it.
CP: Do you like KMFDM?
DMOOT: Never heard of it.
CP: Them. They're a "them". A band.
CP: Check out the song "Free Your Hate". It's right up your alley.


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