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Thursday, September 12, 2019

I Don't Want To Get A Flu Shot


I don't wanna get a flu shot.
Don't ask, now go away!
I just came here to grab my script
And you've all flipped
I want to run away.

I used to ask you questions
Now there's no time
Please stop asking me for more

I don't wanna get a flu shot
I can ask if I want a flu shot

(Please come back Madam)

No way, die!

I don't wanna get a flu shot
Tetanus, Pneumo, or Shingrix too
Pushing these shots on me is rather rude
Though I've said no to you
It's time to get a clue!

(Now take the hint)

I just can't stand harassment
Questions every time
Of all those who just walk by. . .
(Shot-shot shot-shot shot-shot shot-shot)

Pharmers please know we can hear you
Asking us with every phone call
You say, I'll be quick, but I don't want to
Get my flu shot from you
Just leave me 'lone

I really hate to come here
I feel bullied
So please stop pressuring me

I don't wanna get a flu shot.

Monday, September 9, 2019

Dear Diary-Flu Shots

Dear Diary,
Flu Shot Week 4.
I'm not sure I can make it. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm talking to MICE ELF, again.
ME: You're always talking to yourself.
MICE ELF: What have we been discussing?
CP: Last week, the end of Forcing Flu Shots (FFS) Week 3 and I'm seeing pushback and hallucinations.
ME: So it wasn't just me?
MICE ELF: Or me?
CP: Nope. I had a patient come to the counter to retrieve a prescription. The conversation went like this:
     CP: Hello. Are you picking up today?
     Shh. He's Onto Our Tactics: Yes. And I don't want a flu shot.
     CP: Ok.
     SHOOT: So don't even ask.
ME: Wow. Harsh. FFS Fatigue has already settled in.
CP: And I'm pretty sure he hasn't even been in since we started pestering, er, asking people.
MICE ELF: What about these hallucinations?
CP: I see my MICE ELF answering "flu shot" for every question I am asked.
ME: Such as?
CP: What's the best thing for constipation?
       What's the best thing for allergies?
       What's the best thing for crabs? For Lice?
       Where are the shoelaces?
Flu shot! Flu shot!Flu shot! Flu shot! Flu shot!
MICE ELF: Does it work?
CP: I got one that way but I didn't even realise I said it. Which leads to my new idea.
ME: You know some corporate overlord somewhere is writing down your ideas and they will become policy in some of your phollowers' stores next year, right?
CP: We need to convert our drop off window to a flu shot window.
CP: I'm not done. We need to make an ornament out of syringes. My original idea was a syringe mistletoe; a needle-toe, if you will. When people come to that window, we have to point up at the ornament and tell them they are standing under the "needle-toe" and they have to get a flu shot now.
ME: So help me if someone does this.
CP: A little decoration makes the pharmacy seem inviting. It's a great conversation piece. People will laugh and acquiesce.
MICE ELF: Are you going to make it out of used flu shot syringes? Or . . . ?
ME: Or the current day's quota?
CP: Not sure. Both would be equally entertaining. Look! Only 3 shots to go. Get yours before they're gone! We could add a little fake blood, or just use used syringes for that Halloween effect. It'll be a blast, a real shot in the arm for business.
ME: That was horrible.
CP: I had to take a shot.
MICE ELF: Please stop. Don't you have an ornament to make?
CP: And a new song to write.
ME: Oh no.
CP: "All right stop. Inoculate your children. CP's plan is to give vaccinations."
MICE ELF: Save us. . .

Wednesday, September 4, 2019


How long before these scenarios transition from hypothetical, to reality, to mandatory?

Pt: May I speak to the pharmacist?
Uber-Tech: For the cost of a flu shot.
Pt: But I don't need a flu shot.
UT: Then you don't need to speak to the pharmacist.


Pt: Just a quick question?
CP: Agree to a flu shot and you may ask me anything.
Pt: It's just a quick question.
CP: It's just a quick prick.
Uber-Tech: That's what she said.


Pt: How long until it's ready?
Uber-Tech: About 20 minutes should do it.
Pt: Can't it be any faster?
UT: I can do it in 15 minutes if you get your flu shot today.
Pt: But I don't want a flu shot.
UT: Then you don't want it in 20 minutes. You can come back tomorrow.


Pt: I'm here to pick up my prescriptions.
Uber-Tech: And to get your flu shot.
Pt: I don't want a flu shot.
UT: Then I guess you don't need your <checks scripts> insulin, albuterol, and losartan today.
Pt: Actually I do need them.
UT: And a flu shot.
Pt: No.
UT: FLU SHOT! Say it!
Pt: <stutters> f-f-f-flu sh-sh-shot?
UT: Thank you. Have a seat. CP will be out with you shortly.


Pt: I'm here to pick up my daughter's prescription.
Uber-Tech: And to get a flu shot.
Pt: No thanks. She's really sick and I need to get this home to her.
UT: Then I suggest you agree to a flu shot now.
Pt: No thanks.
UT: It's going to take  a while to mix this for her. I think it would be in the interests of everyone involved if you would agree to the shot now.
Pt: Are you trying to blackmail me into a flu shot?
UT: Blackmail is such a harsh word. Think of it as strong encouragement. You do want Little Susie to get better soon, don't you?
CP: You have a sick daughter. I have a quota. Let's help each other.

Sunday, September 1, 2019

Now Hear This

CP: Welcome back. Picking up?
Angry Woman Mad About Nothing: Why didn't you page me?
CP: I did.
AWMAN: I didn't hear you.
CP: Okay. That's not really my fault.
AWMAN: I've been waiting in this store for over an hour!
CP: That's nice. Did you do some shopping? We have some nice sales right now. Back-to-school and all that.
AWMAN: No! I've been waiting for my damn prescription. What took so long?
CP: Let's see. You dropped it off at 11:03am. We told you 15 minutes and . . .
AWMAN: And I've been here for an hour!
CP: . . . and I checked it out at 11:13 whereupon I paged you, both by yelling out your name and, when you didn't return, by our overhead paging system.
AWMAN: This is ridiculous!
CP: I agree wholeheartedly. It is ridiculous.
AWMAN: Thank you.
CP: It is ridiculous that, despite multiple attempts to contact you verbally you somehow, while by your own admission remaining in the store, missed our attempts to reach you.
AWMAN: Are you mocking me?
CP: <mocking tone> are you mocking me? No. I just can't believe that this is the reason you are upset. Let's see:
1. We called you to the pharmacy. Twice. You missed them both. It's not a big store as I can hear conversations throughout the store all day.
2. I gave you a time of 15 minutes, which I beat. Somehow, at no point did you check your watch or ask someone for the time. Not sure how an hour feels like 15 minutes to you, but you certainly could have returned at any point and asked if it was ready.
3. You are mad at me because you didn't check the time AND you didn't hear my pages.
In short, YES, I agree, you are being ridiculous.
AWMAN: Well I never.
CP: With that attitude I'm not surprised. Will there be anything else?
CP: <pulls out bullhorn> Anything else?
AWMAN: <brushes hair out of face> No.