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Monday, September 9, 2019

Dear Diary-Flu Shots

Dear Diary,
Flu Shot Week 4.
I'm not sure I can make it. I think I'm losing my mind. I'm talking to MICE ELF, again.
ME: You're always talking to yourself.
MICE ELF: What have we been discussing?
CP: Last week, the end of Forcing Flu Shots (FFS) Week 3 and I'm seeing pushback and hallucinations.
ME: So it wasn't just me?
MICE ELF: Or me?
CP: Nope. I had a patient come to the counter to retrieve a prescription. The conversation went like this:
     CP: Hello. Are you picking up today?
     Shh. He's Onto Our Tactics: Yes. And I don't want a flu shot.
     CP: Ok.
     SHOOT: So don't even ask.
ME: Wow. Harsh. FFS Fatigue has already settled in.
CP: And I'm pretty sure he hasn't even been in since we started pestering, er, asking people.
MICE ELF: What about these hallucinations?
CP: I see my MICE ELF answering "flu shot" for every question I am asked.
ME: Such as?
CP: What's the best thing for constipation?
       What's the best thing for allergies?
       What's the best thing for crabs? For Lice?
       Where are the shoelaces?
Flu shot! Flu shot!Flu shot! Flu shot! Flu shot!
MICE ELF: Does it work?
CP: I got one that way but I didn't even realise I said it. Which leads to my new idea.
ME: You know some corporate overlord somewhere is writing down your ideas and they will become policy in some of your phollowers' stores next year, right?
CP: We need to convert our drop off window to a flu shot window.
CP: I'm not done. We need to make an ornament out of syringes. My original idea was a syringe mistletoe; a needle-toe, if you will. When people come to that window, we have to point up at the ornament and tell them they are standing under the "needle-toe" and they have to get a flu shot now.
ME: So help me if someone does this.
CP: A little decoration makes the pharmacy seem inviting. It's a great conversation piece. People will laugh and acquiesce.
MICE ELF: Are you going to make it out of used flu shot syringes? Or . . . ?
ME: Or the current day's quota?
CP: Not sure. Both would be equally entertaining. Look! Only 3 shots to go. Get yours before they're gone! We could add a little fake blood, or just use used syringes for that Halloween effect. It'll be a blast, a real shot in the arm for business.
ME: That was horrible.
CP: I had to take a shot.
MICE ELF: Please stop. Don't you have an ornament to make?
CP: And a new song to write.
ME: Oh no.
CP: "All right stop. Inoculate your children. CP's plan is to give vaccinations."
MICE ELF: Save us. . .

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