Can't Catch Up

CPP: <sarcastically> Anything exciting happen this week?

CP: <sarcastically> When doesn't anything exciting happen?

CPP: Care to share?

CP: I present you the following, compiled from two, eerily similar interactions. 

CPP: Terrifying!

CP: Welcome to Vials and Victuals. Pills or fills, today?

Most Always Exact Verbatim Exchanges: Um, I'm here to pick up my refill. 

CP: I love your confidence. Name?

MAEVE: Maeve. 

CP: I see you called in a refill, but it was too soon so I couldn't fill it. We last filled this 30 days supply for you only 14 days ago. 

MAEVE: "So even though I waited more than 30 days last time, I can't fill this early?"

CP: No. Nope. Not how it works. 

MAEVE: But why?

CP: Maths. You can't make up for something you missed. If you forgot to eat breakfast yesterday, you can't make up for it by having second breakfast today. 

CPP: Elevenses!

MAEVE: I don't understand. 

CP: I. . . 

CPP: Allow me. <ahem> In the immortal words of CP: "I can explain it to you; I can't understand it for you". 

CP: Thanks. Now can you help me out with this one?

CPP: Sure. 

CP: Next!

Another Arithmetic Remeberer Of Nothing: What about mine, then?

CP: Sorry?

AARON: I called in my refill as well and you just said it was too soon. 

CP: Ok. Let's check for . . . 

AARON: "I'm behind on taking my medications so can't you just fill two months for me this time?"

CP: Again. Not how this works. 

AARON: But I didn't fill it last month, or the month before. I want those fills too. 

CP: <shhhh> You can't make up for lost sleep any more than you can make up for not filling on time, A-A-Ron. If you missed the sale at Penney's last week, you can't save on those items this week. Just because I wasn't driving when gas was $0.79/gal doesn't mean I can go back and take advantage of that deal now. And Aaron, how are you going to play catch up? 

AARON: But they're my refills. 

CP: You can pay cash for them, but the part of the deal where your insurance pays for their part has expired. 

AARON: I don't understand. 

CP: Again, maths. CPP?
CPP: I can explain it to you. . . 

But I NEED It

CP: How often do you wonder is people's' elevators go all the way up?

CPP: With every human interaction. 

CP: OMG! Samesies. 

CPP: Don't do that. Why do you inquire?

CP: One of our irregulars over the weekend. 

CPP: Do tell. 

CP: Are you dropping off? <they intone>

Compliance Usually Not This Hard: <standing under drop off sign> I think so. I just need a refill on something. 

CP: <cringes> I see your refill expired 2 days ago.

CUNTH: "I can't go without it!" <she ejaculated> "I NEED it."

CP: The evidence says otherwise. We last filled this for a 30 days supply on 5/19. I challenge that you CAN live without it.

CUNTH: It should have 6 or 7 refills left. <she exasperated> 

CP: It did. They expired. Two days ago. You filled this a total of 5 times. For 5 months. Out of the last 12 months you've had this prescription. Apparently you can and have done without it. 

CUNTH: "I'll have to have a talk with her at my appointment Friday!"<she exhorted sternly>

CP: Why? <they asked inquisitively>  She's not the one you need to talk to about this. 

CPP: Oh that's rich. 

CP: At least she didn't say "but I'll DIE"!

CPP: True. That's melodramatic in its triteness. 

CP: She really acted all stern and matronly when she said she was going to have to have a talk with her provider. It sounded like a mother saying "just wait till your father gets home". 

CPP: Not sure how she thinks that's going to go. 

CP: It's like the ending of "A Few Good Men" where Downey says "what did we do wrong? we did nothing wrong". 

CPP: In that 5 months of compliance is better than none? 

CP: <shrugs> 

#HowManyPeopleWillCheckTheDefinitionOfEjaculate 

#WhyTheRandomAFewGoodMenQuote  

#Verbatim 

#IDontWantItIJustNeedItToBreatheToFeelToKnowImALive 

Blood Pressure Two-Pher

CP: Picking up today?

HBP Lady: No. I just have a question. 

CP: Go phor it. 

HBPL: What can I take for sinuses? Another pharmacist sold me Advil Cold and Sinus and I'm not any better. 

CP: Sinuses are a physical cavity in your skull; we all have them. What are your symptoms you wish to alleviate?

HBPL: They're stuffy and congested. 

CP: What medications do you take? Rx-wise. 

HBPL: I take medications for my HBP. 

CP: Perfect. Well Advil Cold and Sinus should be a no-no. Plus I dislike combo products like that since most people have ibuprofen or acetaminophen at home. 

HBPL: Why is Advil Cold and Sinus a no-no?

CP: The sudafed in it can increase your BP. 

HBPL: But I don't have it any more. It's under control. 

CP: Because you take medications to keep it that way. Outside phorces can act upon it to elevate it. My cruise control in my car keeps a set speed until I punch the gas to pass someone. Sudafed is a punch to the gas on your blood pressure. 

CP: You're past due for a refill on your HBP medications. 

HBPL2: I know. 

CP: Okay. Do you want me to get them ready phor you?

HBPL2: I guess. My BP was really under control for a long time so I stopped taking my medication. 

CP: Your medication which was keeping your BP under control?

HBPL2: Yes. 

CP: It was under control because you took the medication. It doesn't cure you of HBP. You still have the condition but it may not show up on BP readings. 

HBPL2: Oh. Yeah. I get that now. 

CP: My electricity works as long as I pay the bill. My car runs until I stop putting gas in it. They're both "under control" until they're not.