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Thursday, October 27, 2022

A Man Walks In To A Pharmacy. . .

CP: <at pick up window> Welcome to The Black Parade. Are you picking up today?
Man Off Street Doesn't Understand Much: <standing directly facing a large neon sign that blinks and reads "FLU SHOTS ---> Next Window> I'm here for a fu shot. 
CP: <looks at sign> Then you are in the wrong spot, my phriend. They shall take care of you at the next window. 
MOS DUM: <walks to other counter> FLU SHOT!
UT: So I heard. Please complete the paperwork and I shall bill your insurance while the pharmacist prepares your shot. Which arm do you prefer? 
MOS DUM: Don't care. 
UT: <looks at the 7 layers of clothing he is wearing> Just make sure to have one of them available phor the pharmacist. 

CP: <walks out to see MOS DUM still fully clothed> I need an arm, sir. 
MOS DUM: "WHAT? No one told me I needed to dress differently to get a flu shot! This is an outrage! I'm calling corporate to complain about you people. You should have told me before I came in that I needed to wear short sleeves or whatever." 
CP: I'm sorry, but what? You literally walked in off the street and asked phor a phlu shot. You didn't call or schedule an appointment. You are a grown ass man. How did you think we were going to administer a SHOT? You've had vaccines before so this isn't a new concept. But again, I ask, you walked in off the street and are mad because we didn't call you at home, to tell you to dress better, before you randomly decided "today's the day I'm getting a flu shot"? Is that correct? Am I hearing you correctly?
MOS DUM: This is ridiculous!
CP: I could not agree more. I bet you randomly walk in to an oil change place and ask for an oil change. . . without your car. Do you go to a restaurant and complain, when asked to pay, that no one from Burger King called you aforehand to bring some sort of payment? 


Friday, October 21, 2022

Unsolicited Interruptive "Advice"

<overheard conservation at the counter between UT and a Flu Shot Inquiring Talker>

FLUSH-IT: I would like a flu shot. 
UT: I just need you to complete this form for me. 
FLUSH-IT: Okay. Can I also get my Covid Booster? Or should I wait?
UT: You can get both. . . 
Totally Random Old Lady Lurking In Aisle: Huh-uh. No. You shouldn't do that. 
UT: Bitch? Dafuq?
TROLLIA: My niece got them both. She never does that but she did and she got sick for like two days. Couldn't move her arms or nothing. 
UT: Probably an exaggeration but. . . 
TROLLIA: I mean I wouldn't do it. But "everyone is different, except me. I'm not". 
CP: Did she actually say "everyone is different but I'm not"? 
UT: Uh-huh. 
CP: Hunh. 
UT: So about those shots?
FLUSH-IT: Yeah. I'll get both. 
CP: I think, after I retire, I'm going to go hang out in random pharmacies and start eavesdropping on counter conversations. Then I can offer unsolicited advice when people ask questions. 
UT: Except you'll know what you're talking about. 
CP: No one will care. They'll take it regardless because I am a random eavesdropper and everyone appreciates the "hot tip" from a stranger. 
UT: Stop calling it a "hot tip" and trying to force it on strangers. 
CP: What? I have received no complaints about my flu shots. 
UT: Mmm-hmm. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Helping By Not Helping?

CP: CP's Playhouse. How may I help patronise you?
Pissed Off Offensive Person Yelling: Your other store hasn't been answering their phones all day. 
CP: Huh. 
POOPY: Do you know why?
CP: No. I don't work there. Maybe they're busy. Phone issues? The pharmacy exploded? 
POOPY: Can't you call them? 
CP: I don't know. I haven't tried. I have no reason to call them. 
POOPY: To find out why they aren't answering their phones. 
CP: And how do you propose I do that? I have the same phone number you do. You want me to call them to ask why they aren't answering their phones?
POOPY: Yes. 
CP: Sounds silly when you say it out loud. Go ahead. Say it out loud. 
POOPY: Don't you have a back line or something?
CP: The Bat Phone is broken. Even if it worked, it would still be a phone call. I can send a carrier pigeon if you like? 
POOPY: Don't you have like the internet or texting or something to reach them? 
CP: I have the same resources available to me as you do. If I could reach them, so could you. 
POOPY: I need my refill. 
CP: Have you tried visiting the store, in person? Discovering the issue for yourself? You sound like you have a lot of time on your hands to call them all day, then call other stores to have us do the same phor you. 
POOPY: You're not being helpful. 
CP: I offered to fill your refill for you. I suggested you visit the store or enter your refills via text or app and you are unsatisfied with my answers. I have helped you but you have refused to take my help. It is at this time I believe you are beyond help and I decline further assistance. I now bid you adieu. Tag! 

Uber Tech: We should call a store in another state and do this to them. 
CP: Phor Phunsies! 

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

I'm Going With No

CP: Welcome to the Thunderdome! How may I battle you today?
Lady Only Making One Tougher In Life: I need to call in my refills. 
CP: We do those here. <shaking head no> Do you have the numbers?
CP: No worries. I shall look them up phor you. 
LOMOTIL: Thanks. 
CP: When did you want to come in phor these?
LOMOTIL: Oh it doesn't matter; tonight or tomorrow. 
CP: Ok. It's 2:33 right now and I will have them ready phor you any time after 4:01 today. 
LOMOTIL: Can you call me?
CP: What do you wish me to call you?
LOMOTIL: No, when they're ready. Can you call me?
CP: Do you get texts?
LOMOTIL: Sometimes. 
CP: They will be ready any time after 4:01 today. 
LOMOTIL: So you can't call?
CP: Why would I? I already told you they would be ready after 4:01 today. There is no need to call. Maybe you receive the text, maybe you don't. They will still be ready after 4:01pm today whether I call or not. When the Chinese place tells you your phood will be ready in 10-15 minutes, you don't ask them to call you. Unless you do. Do you?
LOMOTIL: No. Of course not. 
CP: That's what I thought. See you any time after 4:01 today. Or tomorrow. Which is still after 4:01 today. 

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Does Not Phollow

CP: I like non sequitur. 
CPP: The comic, or the phrase itself?
CP: Both, actually. 
CPP: Why is this your thought phor today?
CP: This conversation:

CP: CP's Palisade of Pills where we fills refills with pills for bills. How may I help you?
I Think So For It's Near Empty: I need this refill. 
CP: I see that you are out of refills. We can phax your do. . . 
ITS FINE: That's okay. Just go ahead and fill it. 
CP: You have no refills phor me to refill, or phill. Phor that I shall phax your doc. . . 
ITS FINE: No. It's okay. Thanks. You can just fill it and I'll be over later. 
CP: Ma'am. I don't need your permission. I need your provider's authorisation. 
ITS FINE: She'll say it's fine. It's fine. I'll be by later. Thanks. <click>

CPP: She asked for a refill then gave you permission to "just fill it" after you explained there were no refills. 
CP: That is correct. 
CPP: Hence the "non sequitur". Did she come in?
CP: She did. 
CPP: Did you fill it?
CP: I did not. 
CPP: Was she surprised?
CP: She was. 
CPP: What was your reply? 
CP: The provider wrote "refill not appropriate, patient needs appointment". 
CP: Some stories have happy endings.