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Thursday, July 7, 2022

Don't Count On It

CP: Are you picking up today?
I Can't Count Yet: Yes. I have 3 prescriptions. 
CP: Delightful. I show 3 as well. 
ICCY: Can I ring out my groceries here as well?
CP: I can do up to 6 items. That's 6 items or fewer. 
ICCY: Good. I have only five. Plus the three 12-packs of Dr. Pepper. 
CP: Last I checked 5+3=8, not 6. 
ICCY: Well Dr. Pepper is 3 for $10 so it only counts as one item. 
CP: No it doesn't. Doctors suck at math and even this Dr. Pepper would tell you 3 items for $10 still counts as 3 items. You're picking up 3 prescriptions. What if I only gave you one? You'd tell me I forgot two. 
ICCY: But it's 3 for $10; that's the deal. 
CP: The implied word you are omitting here is "items"; 3 ITEMS for $10. If the deal were 10 bottles of Iced Tea for $10, you'd be giving me 10 bottles, which, let's face it, is still much more than 6. You can't pick 6 sale deals and count that as one item each. You don't get to count certain items. 
ICCY: So I have to take them up front?
CP: Your math skills suck, but your listening comprehension works just phine.  


Tuesday, July 5, 2022

I Always Wondered. . .

CPP: Uh-oh. You have that look on your phace. Penny phor your thoughts.
CP: I always wondered which group of people were the intended recipients of certain messages on phone prompts. 
CPP: Such as?
CP: ". . . if you require nothing else, you may simply hang up". Like, who doesn't know they can end a phone call by simply hanging up? 
CPP: Something tells me you found this someone? 
CP: I did. 

CP: CP's Draughts and Drachms. How may I help you?
This Woman Actually Thinks We Are Fully Focused on Lame Excuses: I called in for a refill and it suggested another one for me. 
CP: Okay. 
TWATWAFFLE: I don't want anything else. 
CP: Okay. It was as. . . 
TWATWAFFLE: I only needed that refill. It's not your job to make me fill anything else. 
CP: The computer wasn't forcing you to do anything; it was allowing you the opportunity to. . .
TWATWAFFLE: I don't need anything else and I don't like it. 
CP: It's phor people who have multiple refills. You enter one and the computer asks if you have another refill to enter. If not, hang up. 
TWATWAFFLE: It shouldn't suggest anything. 
CP: Ma'am. It's not suggesting anything. Hang up. 
TWATWAFFLE: I only need that one refill.
CP: Enter your refill. Hang up. Period. Like the way I'm going to end this call. Good day. <click>
CPP: Can't say I've ever had anyone get offended by the automated computer allowing me the convenience of entering my refills in an organised, streamlined manner. 
CP: Your convenience is someone else's Everest. 
CPP: But to call and complain about something as trivial as an automated system is beyond comprehension. 
CP: To normal people it is; to those of us in the retail world, this is par for the course. If I perceive something to be offensive, then I am offended and I will complain. 


Monday, July 4, 2022

I Think You Have A You Problem

CP: When I write my book, it's going to pheature all my posts about "If the real world worked the way people believe pharmacy does" and "how have these people survived this long?" as the main two sections. 
CPP: I don't think you need anything else; people will have a difficult enough time believing the stories in those two sections are true. 
CP: And that people behave this way, in public. 
CPP: Oh the joys of retail and working with the public. What have you phor us today?
CP: Damned if you do insanity. 
CPP: Proceed. 

Why Am I This Way He Asked Tersely: I am here to pick up my refills. 
CP: Good. They are phreshly prepared. 
WAIT, WHAT: I know. I got your text. 
CP: Ah. COD. 
CP: Comes On Demand.Your wife must be a happy woman. 
CP: Here's your bag. Have a nice day. 

<2 hours later>
UT: Hey. Wasn't WAIT, WHAT just in here? 
CP: Yeah. Why?
UT: He just called in two more refills. 
CP: Guess he shouldn't've come so quickly. 

<Next Day>
WAIT, WHAT: I'm here to pick up my prescriptions. 
CP: He's come again!
WAIT, WHAT: Yeah. I got your text. I've been here every day this week. Why can't you get my stuff together?
CP: You realise that, just because you get a text, you do not HAVE to come down here. 
CPP: <whispers in the background> mom! come down here
CP: <whispers - Shhhhuuuuut uuup> Just as you possess the ability to NOT answer your phone when it rings at my counter, you could just wait until, oh, I don't know, you call in all of your prescriptions to be refilled. That would be like having each member of your phamily ordering DoorDash phrom the same restaurant 11 minutes apart. Why? Place a phamily order on the app and receive all your phood together. Easy-Peasy.

<2 hours later, no shit>
UT: Wasn't WAIT, WHAT just in here complaining about always coming down here?
CP: Yes. Did he call in more refills?
UT: Yeah. Must be trying avoid the missus. 
CP: Or he has PGAD. 
UT: "And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again"
CP: Nice once, UT. 
UT: Need to keep up with you.