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Thursday, May 28, 2020

Sympathy Phor The Devil

ApologiseExpress regret for something that one has done wrong.
SympathiseAgree with a sentiment, opinion, or ideology; (having) feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.
Empathise: Understand and share the feelings of another. 

CPP: Why the vocabulary test this morning? 
CP: Our techs are committing one of my least favourite, and arguably most-American sins in retail. 
CPP: Texting while ringing? 
CP: Worse. Saying "I'm sorry" for things that are not their/our phault. 
CPP: Yeah, I'm not a phan of that one either. It's a knee-jerk reaction. We are conditioned to say it. It rings hollow. 
CP: I will take the blame for something that IS my phault, but I am going to continue to place the blame squarely where it belongs. There are a lot of things outside of my control with which I deal all day. These include, but are not limited to: offices calling in scripts; sending scripts electronically; initiating and completing prior auth requests; responding to pharmacy refill requests; responding to pharmacy calls for clarification on poorly-written scripts and/or e-scripts; insurance prices; insurance formularies; insurances requiring 30-, 60-, or 90-days supplies; offices replying to requests for 90-days supplies; drug prices and your copays; you not reading/hearing/comprehending the text/email/voicemail correctly; etc, etc, etc, ad infinitum. 
CPP: Doctors, insurances, and technology, oh my!
CP: Do not say "I'm sorry" when it is not your phault and your intention instead is to convey empathy. 
CPP: Indeed, if you wish to sympathise, say something that evokes that.
CP: We did not receive your prescriptions? 
CPP: Office must not have sent it or could have sent it elsewhere. Bummer, dude. 
CP: Your insurance requires a prior auth so we cannot bill your insurance. I feel your pain.
CPP: You should call them and complain. What are you paying them for?! I too am incensed!
CP: Man, I feel bad phor you son, I got 99 problems but your script ain't one. 
CPP: Like a Hoover, that sucks.
CP: "Happy: smile. Sad: Frown. Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion." At fault: apologise. No fault of yours: sympathise. 
CPP: Meg Ryan?
CP: Great line. And I'm not sorry for using it here. 

Friday, May 22, 2020

Random Conversations

Sometimes these conversations, like Jedi negotiations, are short.
Sometimes, they're entertaining on their own.
Sometimes, I like to check if people are paying attention.

Grandmother Of One Boy: I am here to pick up a prescription.
CP: Ok. We need the insurance for him.
GOOB: I'm grandma!
CP: And I'm Batman!
GOOB: <confused look>
CP: Now that we are properly introduced, I still need his insurance.
GOOB: <harumph>


There Is Nothing Yet: I'm here to pick up my prescription.
CP: I have nothing here for you yet.
TINY: I really FEEL like you should have called before I came down.
CP: Really? Because I FEEL like you should have called me. Especially since I don't call people I don't know are coming for surprise visits.
TINY: I FEEL it's your responsibility.
CP: I FEEL you're not understanding that if I'm not expecting something, I can't call to say I didn't get it.


Nurse At Doctor: Here's a prescription for one of our mutual patients.
CP: Thank you.
NAD: Do you need her phone number?
CP: No. I have my own, thanks!


Impatient Patient Frequently Returning Expecting Everyone to Literally Yield: I need my refills.
CP: This prescription is out of refills.
IPFREELY: But I get it every month!
CP: Well, not this month.


IPFREELY: I need my refill today.
CP: It now requires a prior authorisation.
IPFREELY: But I get it every month.
CP: And the sun rises in the East every morning.


Thursday, May 21, 2020

Hey, When You're Right, You're Right

Always Causing Trouble Upon Pharmacies: I am here for my prescription. 
UT: I do not have anything ready for you today. 
ACTUP: I dropped it off last week and you told me I couldn't get it until today. 
UT: Right. Today is here and you can get it. 
ACTUP: Then why isn't it ready? 
UT: Did you call us and ask for us to fill it today? 
ACTUP: Why should I? You told me today. 
CP: Actually, UT told you "you can fill this next Thursday but as it is more than a few days out, we have no way to set it to fill in the computer for you. You will have to call us that morning and request the fill". Any of this ring any bells? 
ACTUP: I'm going to ring your bells. 
UT: I will get it ready for you now. 
ACTUP: How long? 
UT: About 17 minutes. 
ACTUP: Fine. <mumbles> I'm going to *YCATS. 
CP: <mumbles, in a perfectly audible level> sounds good to me. 
UT: <snickers>
ACTUP: Did your pharmacist just say "sounds good to me"?
UT: <snickers, look at CP askance>
CP: <without looking up> I did. 
ACTUP: <glares menacingly> Excuse ME!
CP: You're excused. For continually acting up in my pharmacy. I've it had it with you. Every month it's the same issue. You mumbled a threat to go to YCATS. I am calling you out on it. Didn't expect that, did you? Listen, if I'm unhappy, I can either whine loudly about it, or just go somewhere else. I often choose to just go somewhere else whereas you opted to whine. I agreed that going somewhere else was a good idea for you. See, we are in agreement. We are of like mind, the two us. Good day!
ACTUP: <slinks away>
UT: Think he'll complain?
CP: Nope. Remember the philosophy is "treat others the way THEY wish to be treated". He wanted to act like an ass and treat us like crap every time he was in here. Today, I took the dominant role and treated him how he wanted to be treated. 
UT: So he's just going to go to YCATS? 
CP: Even if he doesn't he will be the model patient next time. 

*Your Competitor Across The Street

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Responsibility And Trust

ME: With whom do you trust your most important life decisions?
CP: Both of you.
MICE ELF: Pretty brave of you.
ME: Yeah. We could just shut off your life support to claim the life insurance and abscond with the profits of being locked up in your head all these years.
CP: Think about the short-sightedness of that for a moment.
CP: Although you must have been reading my mind lately.
ME: Why's that?
CP: It truly amazes me how many people entrust such a critical task to a person they barely know; how many people will send literally ANYone to retrieve their prescriptions for them or, more importantly, a child of theirs. They treat it as a random task like grabbing a gallon of milk or picking out a card on their way to visit.
MICE ELF: You're saying that picking up a prescription is more important than randomly selecting a funny card for everyone to sign for a coworker on her promotion?
CP: In so many words, yes.
ME: I agree. How many times have we been faced with a scripter-picker-upper dolt (SPUD) who simply shrugs and says "I don't know. I was just told to pick it up on my way over."? or "It's not for me." or, worse yet, "No clue. It's my new girlfriend's kid(s)."?
MICE ELF: Nice choice of mate there, ma'am.
CP: Yes. Please know that when you choose someone to pick up your prescriptions, you are giving them authority and control over decisions that affect your life.
ME: What if we have a counsel about an interaction? A new therapy? A replacement therapy? Or an allergy? *
CP: The person in front of us just shrugs like he's the UPS guy and we just asked him "what's in the box?". **
ME: I love that movie!
MICE ELF: "What's in the box?"
CP: Moving on. . . the result can be equally disastrous. Someone could die because the SPUD in charge of the healthcare information dissemination and decision-making is woefully inept, unprepared, or cares less than the patient who charged him with this task. Let's summarize.
ME: People treat their life-saving medications like a pizza or beer run.
MICE ELF: They assign it to people who don't have the answers to the questions we have for them.
CP: We are relying on these errand SPUDs to make and/or convey important healthcare information to the patient/caregiver when they make the delivery.
ME: Hoping they made the correct decision to pick up both strengths, the old refill, the old and new therapy, the interacting combo, or the long-discontinued therapy that somehow the computer deemed needed refilled.
CP: Or, wasn't needed to be filled but another patient entered her number incorrectly and this patient's medication got filled instead. (It's happened.)
MICE ELF: Good one. And let's hope that the worst thing that happens is the patient yells at us for filling/sending something home with their SPUD they no longer take and demand a refund.
CP: In which case I get to take the call and chastise them for their choice of errand SPUD. These are not decisions to be made lightly. These are medications that can and do affect your life and its quality. Either you care enough to send a competent person to take care of your health or you choose the person you trust just enough to pick out which crappy beer to share with your pie. ***
ME: It's like the joke about the husband who leaves this message for his wife: "The gyna colleges called and said Pabst beer is good. I didn't know you liked beer".
MICE ELF: True, but she at least received the message. I was thinking of Spike from Notting Hill. "You want me to write down all your messages?. . . Nope. Gone completely. . . If we're going for this obsessive writing down all the message. . . "
CP: "I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy," hoping he can deliver the correct message.
ME: I see what you did there.

*could we call? sure, and maybe we did, but the in-person visit is the one guarantee that we will see you. if you don't come in for it, there's no drug interaction, allergy, or other reaction to worry about and the counsel is moot when we delete the rx. relying on a randomly picked stranger, new fling, or flatmate to relay critical information at all, let alone correctly, is high-risk behaviour.
**can we write a note on the bag? sure. we can do this whole "can I?" thing all day. I could even drive each individual rx to each patient myself along with a counsel note if I can't reach them by phone or in-person but maybe they're not home. I can't be responsible for how people choose to live their lives. I can, however, explain how people should show more concern for their own lives than I do for them.
***my concern for your health is directly proportional to the amount of concern YOU have for it.)

Thursday, May 7, 2020

. . . But. . .

CPP: What's new in CP's brain today?
CP: An interaction UT had the other day. More like most of the interactions UT has throughout the day. And phone calls we receive. And patients with whom we interact. Basically people in general.
CPP: This is rather a broad subject. Explain.
CP: You're my favourite partner and I've really enjoyed working with you these past years and we've shared some remarkable times together. . .
CPP: Are you about to "but" me?
CP: I am. To explain a point.
CPP: You know your "but" renders everything that precedes it as bullshit, right?
CP: Yes. My but is most powerful.
CPP: Moving on. . .
CP: I'm using my powerful but to demonstrate UT's issue.
CPP: Which is?
CP: During patient interactions, anything said by the patient that follows our answer is superfluous, unnecessary information.
CPP: Once we reply "No. We have not received your prescription", everything the patient says is drivel.
CP: Precisely. There is no case to plead. This conversation has ended. I made a statement.
CPP: Like arguing with a woman: anything that comes after she says "fine" is the start of a new argument; another you will certainly lose.
CP: To wit:

PT: I am here to pick up my prescriptions. Did my doctor send them for me?
CP: No. We have not received them today. Thank you and Good Day!
PT: He said I need to start them as soon as I get them.
CP: Uh-huh.
PT: He said he was calling it in as soon as I hung up with him.
CP: Mmm-hmmm.
PT: I'm supposed to be going out of town.
CP: <starts filing nails> K.
PT: I don't know why he didn't send it yet.
CP: <blows on nails> Mmmmm.
PT: I wonder when he's going to send it.
CP: Do you need me here for this part or can I move on to another of the myriad of tasks I have waiting for me?

CPP: As you said, everything after our answer is meaningless.
CP: Honestly, we don't even need to be present. I feel like walking away from the drive-thru or placing the phone on the counter while people continue their one-person internal monologue out loud. "Since you don't appear to need me for this, I'm going to step aside and get back to work. Don't call me. I'll call you."
CPP: Sounds like all the brush offs you got in high school and college.
CP: Thanks, Butt.