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Tuesday, November 22, 2022

CPP: Every day I am reminded of the guy who asked: "Why didn't you call me to tell me my doctor didn't call you?".
CP: Under the heading "Stupidest Things People Have Actually Said", that's a Top 5 candidate. 
CPP: What's one of your faves?
CP: Not as noteworthy, but one that happens daily is "why didn't my doctor . . . ?" as if I know why anyone does or does not do anything. 
CPP: Do you have a story?
CP: Did Argentina lose this morning?

CP: Picking up today?
Help Understanding Needed Here: I should have two. 
CP: It appears I only have one today. 
HUNH: I requested two and you had to call the office. 
CP: I see that we did. The office renewed the one prescription but they have yet to approve the second one. 
HUNH: Why?
CP: <shrugs> Not sure. That's a question phor your doctor and the office. 
HUNH: Hunh. I requested them at the same time. 
CP: <shrugs>
HUNH: Ok. I'll take this one. 
CP: Good. Since that's the only one I have. 
HUNH: "Can you check your computer again and find out why my doctor didn't call this one in?"
CP: NO. 
HUNH: <stares blankly, dumbfounded>
CP: Say that sentence back to yourself, then think about it. I can no more tell you why he didn't approve this one than I can tell you why someone to whom you sent a text left you on "read". 
HUNH: Hunh?
CP: You go to someone's house, knock on their door, and they don't answer. This would be like you walking across the street and asking a neighbour why they didn't answer. Maybe they thought you were a Jehovah's Witness, the Land Shark, maybe they're all dead inside, maybe they weren't actually home. Who knows? Either way, I can't tell you why someone else didn't respond. Mayhap you should call the people who CAN answer that, the office, instead of giving me dirty looks. 
HUNH: You're a strange one. 
CP: And now you know why no one answered when you rang their bell and people leave you on "read". 

Not Helping

CPP: How was your weekend?
CP: Great. Except for the twat at the pediatrician's office. 
CPP: Oh? Do tell. 

CP: Hello! It's CP calling to ask if I can change this Amoxicillin 400mg Rx to something else I have in stock. I do hav. . . 
Answering Service Shite: Some pharmacies have it. 
CP: Ok. Well I just received this and it's Saturday at 2:45 and the patient is only 18 months and I . . . 
ASS: Nope. We don't change these. Some pharmacies have it and it's the parents' job to find it. 
CP: Wow. You don't care about your pediatric patients. I see how . . . 
ASS: WE DO! It is out there and parents can find it. 
CP: Okay. Which pharmacies have it?
ASS: I don't know. It's the parents' job to find it. 
CP: But it's been on backorder for months. I have some Cefdinir and Augmentin ES and. . . 
ASS: We're. Not. Changing. It. 
CP: No need to be such bitch. I'll make sure to tell mom when you she gets here that you don't care if her baby, who had to come see you Saturday afternoon, gets her medication. Some places close soon. But I guess you don't care. 
ASS: I'm calling your boss. 
CP: To say what, exactly? How you, a pediatric office twat refused to help our mutual patient? I can't wait to see how this plays out for you. <click>

CPP: Damn!
CP: IKR?
CPP: Did you just vocally orate IKR? 
CP: IDK. .
CPP: Sorry she was such a twatwaffle. We shouldn't have to deal with this shit. I can't get a part for my car. This has been going on since June. I get it. But an antibiotic for a baby?
CP: And she already made up her mind she wasn't going to help. 

#PhuckYourPediatrician 
#ItsAboutThePatientYouDumbCunt 

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

We Talk

CPP: What are two things you would like people to know they may not know about their pharmacy/pharmacists?
CP: After the story I'm about to tell you, my two facts are these:
1. Pharmacists talk to each other, like women out phor girls night. 
2. If YOU have the same problem(s) at every pharmacy YOU visit, perhaps the problem isn't the pharmacy. YOU are the lowest common denominator. 
CPP: I take it you had an incident recently? 
CP: Indeed I did. It's nothing spectacular, but it caused me to head to twitter to send out both of these phun pharmacy tidbits. 
CPP: Let us hear it. 

<overheard on phone> Uber-Tech: Uh-huh. Yes. We will call them and transfer your 5 medications phor you. Yes. I'll call you with your copays when we get them. Uh-huh. Okay. Tschuss. 
CP: This sounds like a phun transfer. 
UT: He complained he's tired of his old pharmacy not telling him what he's picking up when he goes to the pharmacy. 
CP: Huh? 
UT: Apparently they don't tell him what's in the bag. 
CP: Wait. He placed an order phor refills
UT: uh-huh
CP: phor his 5 refills
UT: uh-huh
CP: which are the only medications he takes, 
UT: uh-huh
CP: And he complained they don't tell him what's in the bag?
UT: You got it. 
CP: He's a grown-ass adult. Does he place an order for fast food then ask them to verify the two cheeseburgers, fries, and apple pie are in the bag? He placed the order. If he wants to know what's in the bag
UT: What's in the BOX?!
CP: what's in the bag, all he has to do is ask
UT: Or look
CP: Right?!
UT: What happened when you called phor the transfer?
CP: They said the same thing. They said he complained "you don't tell me what's in the bag when I'm picking up".
UT: And you told them? 
CP: Boy's a grown ass man. He takes 5 medications and they all come due together. He's picking up 5 refills he initiated. What does he think is in the bag?
UT: WHAT'S IN THE BOX?!
CP: Cute. 

#IfYoureAnAssholeWeWillKnowBeforeYouGetHere
#YesWeTalkAboutYou 
#SometimesYouGetBadCustomerServiceBecauseYouAreABadCustomer 

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

The White One

CP: CP's Palace O' Peril. How may you frustrate me today?
The White One Doesn't Understand Me: I put my medications in my pill box and I have two white ones that I found left over and I don't know what they are. 
CP: Okay. Let me pull up your profile. 
TWO DUM: I'm not sure if I got them from you or another pharmacy but I don't want to take anything I don't know what it is. 
CP: If you're putting them in your medication box, aren't you supposed to be taking them? 
TWO DUM: Well I found them. 
CP: Phine. Do you have the bottles from this endeavour? 
TWO DUM: No. I put them in the box then threw them away. 
CP: Smart. Ok. Well, I pulled up your profile and we have never philled anything phor you. 
TWO DUM: Well I really need to know what these are. Can't you help me?
CP: I can. If I had your profile I could narrow down the possibilities. What are the markings on the tablets?
TWO DUM: One has a line and a "K" on one side; the other has no markings at all. 
CP: The one with no markings is an OTC product, usually a vitamin or antihistamine. 
TWO DUM: So what are they?
CP: I can't tell you what the no-marking tablet is. And the other came back with over 30 results. What medications do you take?
TWO DUM: Loratadine and a bunch more. 
CP: Then the plain white one is Loratadine. 
TWO DUM: What is the other one?
CP: I don't know. I need more information. Tell me what you take. 
TWO DUM: Can't you just list them?
CP: Ma'am, there are over 30 results that are white tablets with a "k" on one side. I am not going to list them all. What do you take? 
TWO DUM: <lists 7 medications, all capsules and coloured tablets> Why can't you help me?
CP: How many white medications do you take? 
TWO DUM: I only take 2 white tablets. 
CP: Here's a riddle phor you: I have two coins in my pocket, the sum of which is $0.30. One of the coins is NOT a quarter. What are the two coins? 
TWO DUM: I don't get it. 
CP: Once you do, then you'll be able to identify the medications all by yourself. Adieu. 

*she gave me A number on the back but wasn't sure it was correct. So I did try to narrow the options a bit. 

Thursday, October 27, 2022

A Man Walks In To A Pharmacy. . .

CP: <at pick up window> Welcome to The Black Parade. Are you picking up today?
Man Off Street Doesn't Understand Much: <standing directly facing a large neon sign that blinks and reads "FLU SHOTS ---> Next Window> I'm here for a fu shot. 
CP: <looks at sign> Then you are in the wrong spot, my phriend. They shall take care of you at the next window. 
MOS DUM: <walks to other counter> FLU SHOT!
UT: So I heard. Please complete the paperwork and I shall bill your insurance while the pharmacist prepares your shot. Which arm do you prefer? 
MOS DUM: Don't care. 
UT: <looks at the 7 layers of clothing he is wearing> Just make sure to have one of them available phor the pharmacist. 

CP: <walks out to see MOS DUM still fully clothed> I need an arm, sir. 
MOS DUM: "WHAT? No one told me I needed to dress differently to get a flu shot! This is an outrage! I'm calling corporate to complain about you people. You should have told me before I came in that I needed to wear short sleeves or whatever." 
CP: I'm sorry, but what? You literally walked in off the street and asked phor a phlu shot. You didn't call or schedule an appointment. You are a grown ass man. How did you think we were going to administer a SHOT? You've had vaccines before so this isn't a new concept. But again, I ask, you walked in off the street and are mad because we didn't call you at home, to tell you to dress better, before you randomly decided "today's the day I'm getting a flu shot"? Is that correct? Am I hearing you correctly?
MOS DUM: This is ridiculous!
CP: I could not agree more. I bet you randomly walk in to an oil change place and ask for an oil change. . . without your car. Do you go to a restaurant and complain, when asked to pay, that no one from Burger King called you aforehand to bring some sort of payment? 

#WhyYourPharmacistHatesYou
#AdultingIsHard 
#GTFO 
#WeNeedAHotlineToComplainAboutPeople 

Friday, October 21, 2022

Unsolicited Interruptive "Advice"

<overheard conservation at the counter between UT and a Flu Shot Inquiring Talker>

FLUSH-IT: I would like a flu shot. 
UT: I just need you to complete this form for me. 
FLUSH-IT: Okay. Can I also get my Covid Booster? Or should I wait?
UT: You can get both. . . 
Totally Random Old Lady Lurking In Aisle: Huh-uh. No. You shouldn't do that. 
UT: Bitch? Dafuq?
FLUSH-IT: Why? 
TROLLIA: My niece got them both. She never does that but she did and she got sick for like two days. Couldn't move her arms or nothing. 
UT: Probably an exaggeration but. . . 
FLUSH-IT: Um. 
TROLLIA: I mean I wouldn't do it. But "everyone is different, except me. I'm not". 
CP: Did she actually say "everyone is different but I'm not"? 
UT: Uh-huh. 
CP: Hunh. 
UT: So about those shots?
FLUSH-IT: Yeah. I'll get both. 
CP: I think, after I retire, I'm going to go hang out in random pharmacies and start eavesdropping on counter conversations. Then I can offer unsolicited advice when people ask questions. 
UT: Except you'll know what you're talking about. 
CP: No one will care. They'll take it regardless because I am a random eavesdropper and everyone appreciates the "hot tip" from a stranger. 
UT: Stop calling it a "hot tip" and trying to force it on strangers. 
CP: What? I have received no complaints about my flu shots. 
UT: Mmm-hmm. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Helping By Not Helping?

CP: CP's Playhouse. How may I help patronise you?
Pissed Off Offensive Person Yelling: Your other store hasn't been answering their phones all day. 
CP: Huh. 
POOPY: Do you know why?
CP: No. I don't work there. Maybe they're busy. Phone issues? The pharmacy exploded? 
POOPY: Can't you call them? 
CP: I don't know. I haven't tried. I have no reason to call them. 
POOPY: To find out why they aren't answering their phones. 
CP: And how do you propose I do that? I have the same phone number you do. You want me to call them to ask why they aren't answering their phones?
POOPY: Yes. 
CP: Sounds silly when you say it out loud. Go ahead. Say it out loud. 
POOPY: Don't you have a back line or something?
CP: The Bat Phone is broken. Even if it worked, it would still be a phone call. I can send a carrier pigeon if you like? 
POOPY: Don't you have like the internet or texting or something to reach them? 
CP: I have the same resources available to me as you do. If I could reach them, so could you. 
POOPY: I need my refill. 
CP: Have you tried visiting the store, in person? Discovering the issue for yourself? You sound like you have a lot of time on your hands to call them all day, then call other stores to have us do the same phor you. 
POOPY: You're not being helpful. 
CP: I offered to fill your refill for you. I suggested you visit the store or enter your refills via text or app and you are unsatisfied with my answers. I have helped you but you have refused to take my help. It is at this time I believe you are beyond help and I decline further assistance. I now bid you adieu. Tag! 

Uber Tech: We should call a store in another state and do this to them. 
CP: Phor Phunsies! 

Wednesday, October 12, 2022

I'm Going With No

CP: Welcome to the Thunderdome! How may I battle you today?
Lady Only Making One Tougher In Life: I need to call in my refills. 
CP: We do those here. <shaking head no> Do you have the numbers?
LOMOTIL: No. 
CP: No worries. I shall look them up phor you. 
LOMOTIL: Thanks. 
CP: When did you want to come in phor these?
LOMOTIL: Oh it doesn't matter; tonight or tomorrow. 
CP: Ok. It's 2:33 right now and I will have them ready phor you any time after 4:01 today. 
LOMOTIL: Can you call me?
CP: What do you wish me to call you?
LOMOTIL: No, when they're ready. Can you call me?
CP: Do you get texts?
LOMOTIL: Sometimes. 
CP: They will be ready any time after 4:01 today. 
LOMOTIL: So you can't call?
CP: Why would I? I already told you they would be ready after 4:01 today. There is no need to call. Maybe you receive the text, maybe you don't. They will still be ready after 4:01pm today whether I call or not. When the Chinese place tells you your phood will be ready in 10-15 minutes, you don't ask them to call you. Unless you do. Do you?
LOMOTIL: No. Of course not. 
CP: That's what I thought. See you any time after 4:01 today. Or tomorrow. Which is still after 4:01 today.