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Wednesday, April 24, 2024

A Watched Pot

ME: You seem distracted. 
MICE ELF: What thoughts are hoggin' your noggin?
CP: The way people will argue with you, make your case for you, realise it, then get mad at you for making them look the fool and still send a complaint up to corporate. 
ME: Oh do tell. 

CP: CP's Drachm-a-Rama. How may I help you?
Lost In Mental Purgatory: I was calling about my refill?
CP: That's a statement disguised as a question by the inflection at the end. Do you have a question about your refill or are you telling me your query without providing me your information first?
LIMP: I'm LIMP. And I am calling to ask why I don't have my refill yet. 
CP: Certainly. 
LIMP: I called it in last week. 
CP: You did. And, as promised, we promptly faxed it to Herr Dr. Zoffis. 
LIMP: "You people don't follow up"?
CP: We, the people, do follow up; four times, in fact, did we up the follow. 
LIMP: "I'm sitting here and it's been a week and no one called me". 
CP: Why would I call you?
LIMP: To tell me my refill is ready. 
CP: But if it is NOT ready, why would I call you? Do you seriously expect businesses to call you to tell you they have nothing to tell you? How would that go exactly?
--"Hello, Mr. L-I-M-P. It's CP. Hear ye, Hear ye: Still no refill for thee."
--"10:00 and all is well. Still no refills for Mr. L-I-M-P"
--"Mr. LIMP has nothing to see here. Move along. Move along."
LIMP: But I've been waiting. 
CP: Right. At home. Near your phone. Which, I assume, makes calls to places other than my pharmacy, mayhap Herr Dr. Zoffis even? Hmm? You should have followed up yourself if it were so important since we can't be trusted, apparently. 
LIMP: But you people don't follow up. 
CP: Not my prescription, not my problem. 
"I don't know what you heard about me
But a bitch can't get a refill out of me
No Cardizem, Xanax, there won't be
Refills for motherfu@kin' L-I-M-P"

ME: I guess that's better than "L-I-M-P Bizkit is right here". 
MICE ELF: Don't Urban Dictionary that one. 
CP: He was a little salty after I got done with him. 
ME & MICE ELF: <retching>
CP: Turns out, after we spoke, Herr Dr. Zoffis sent the Rx within the hour. I wonder what LIMP said to Dr. Zoffis. 
ME: I bet he didn't call them "you people". 
MICE ELF: At least he rose to the occasion of calling them himself. 
CP: Get up, Stand up! Phone in your refills!


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