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Monday, June 19, 2023

Loaves and Phishes and Metformin

CP: Just finished watching History of the World Parts I and II, again. 
CPP: Brilliant! I take it this is relevant to today's post. 
CP: It's a lazy segue into the topic of miracles. 
CPP: The horse? 
CP: No. What happens with people and their medications. 
CPP: Like when you're doing Outcomes, call the patient because their 70 day window is down to 5 days and they still claim they have never missed a day and yet they have a surfeit to last them thru the next Olympics?
CP: Something like that. 
CPP: Well what is today's story?

He's Eager Yet Zen Expecting Usual Scripts: I'm here to pick up the refills of my medications. 
CP: It appears I have four of them ready for pickup today. 
HEYZEUS: Yes. That sounds correct. What are they?
CP: <lists all four> 
HEYZEUS: Perfect. Thank you. 

<2 hours later, a phone rings>
CP: CP's House of Cloying Purgatives, how may you make me insane?
HEYZEUS: I was just down there. 
CP: Lots of people were just down here. You need to be more specific. 
HEYZEUS: Like a couple hours ago. 
CP: Time is relative to a retail pharmacist working 12 hour days. Again, more specificity is required. 
HEYZEUS: I got 4 prescriptions. 
CP: <winces and strangles inner patience> 
HEYZEUS: You didn't fill my Metformin. 
CP: You didn't call it in. 
HEYZEUS: Yeah, last time I filled it, you guys gave me two massive bottles. I take 3 a day! Every day! I never miss a dose. This is my diabetes medication. In case you didn't know. 
CP: Right. You're telling ME, the pharmacist, why a medication is prescribed. Thanks. I'll make sure to remember it phor next time. 
ME: How did I get into this?
HEYZEUS: I need it. I'm out!
CP: Oh! I remember. You're Jesus!
HEYZEUS: It's pronounced HEY ZEUS. 
CP: Natch. Well HEY ZEUS, you managed to make a 90 days supply last you 147 days. 
HEYZEUS: I take 3 a day! You gave me too many. 
CP: I gave you 90 days. If you take 3 tablets a day, for 30 days, that's 90 tablets. 90 tablets a month for 3 months is 270 tablets; that is what you received in those "two massive bottles". If you never missed a dose, as you claim, then you made a 90 days supply last nearly 65% longer than it should have. Jesus!
CP: Right. I also asked if you were expecting 4 prescriptions, to which you replied "yes". I further verified the accuracy of your order by checking each medication with you. So back to "YOU didn't fill my Metformin". I think you meant to say "I got home and realised I forgot to call in my refill. Could you fill it for me and I'll be down somewhere later tonight or tomorrow to retrieve it since it was my fault I forgot to refill it". 
HEYZEUS: <silence>
CP: Go ahead. Try it. Swish it around your mouth parts for a second and see how reality tastes on your tongue. In the meantime, I'll work on your prescription. Come when you get the text. 
ME: <giggles> That's what she said. 
CPP: If only it were that easy. 

Wednesday, June 7, 2023


CP: It's that time of year again. 
UT: Pharmacy Winter is officially over!
New Intern: What is Pharmacy Winter?
CP: The dark period of time from Labor Day thru Easter, followed by a fluctuating period that tapers off until Memorial Day. It is when the pharmacy profession is most challenging: Lice outbreaks, flu shots, cough and cold season, holidays, flu season, spring awakening aka allergy season. 
UT: I loved Spring Awakening. 
NI: Never heard of it. 
UT: Now we enter the slow season. 
CP: However, now things are moist-challenging. 
NI: How so?
UT: Sweaty time. 
CP: Time to post our sign about how, if paying with cash, it cannot be pulled from any region of bodily dew. 
NI: People don't really do that, do they?
UT: NI! I mean, nay nay. Tut tut!
CP: I had a person reach into her prodigious pectoral packaging and pull out and proffer Titty Twenties. 
She then replaced them and said "oh that's the large bill side", whereby she reached into the Left side to lay out some Lactated Lincolns. 
NI: Ew. 
UT: Our annual note phor this season is "We will not accept the following:"
Booby Benjamins 
C-Cup C-Notes 
Cleft Krona 
Double-D Dollars or Dinar
Funbag Franklins
Hooter Hryvnia or Hamiltons 
Jockstrap Jacksons (or Jeffersons)
Lady Lump Leu
Mammary Money
Milkshake Moolah 
Naughty Zloty  
Rack Rubles
NI: You've spent a lot of time on this. 
UT: You're new here. CP has been doing this longer than you've been alive. We know some stuff because we've seen some stuff. 
CP: And also adore acronyms and alliteration. 
NI: I think I'm going to like it here. 
UT: You will definitely learn some things.