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Monday, June 19, 2023

Loaves and Phishes and Metformin

CP: Just finished watching History of the World Parts I and II, again. 
CPP: Brilliant! I take it this is relevant to today's post. 
CP: It's a lazy segue into the topic of miracles. 
CPP: The horse? 
CP: No. What happens with people and their medications. 
CPP: Like when you're doing Outcomes, call the patient because their 70 day window is down to 5 days and they still claim they have never missed a day and yet they have a surfeit to last them thru the next Olympics?
CP: Something like that. 
CPP: Well what is today's story?

He's Eager Yet Zen Expecting Usual Scripts: I'm here to pick up the refills of my medications. 
CP: It appears I have four of them ready for pickup today. 
HEYZEUS: Yes. That sounds correct. What are they?
CP: <lists all four> 
HEYZEUS: Perfect. Thank you. 

<2 hours later, a phone rings>
CP: CP's House of Cloying Purgatives, how may you make me insane?
HEYZEUS: I was just down there. 
CP: Lots of people were just down here. You need to be more specific. 
HEYZEUS: Like a couple hours ago. 
CP: Time is relative to a retail pharmacist working 12 hour days. Again, more specificity is required. 
HEYZEUS: I got 4 prescriptions. 
CP: <winces and strangles inner patience> 
HEYZEUS: You didn't fill my Metformin. 
CP: You didn't call it in. 
HEYZEUS: Yeah, last time I filled it, you guys gave me two massive bottles. I take 3 a day! Every day! I never miss a dose. This is my diabetes medication. In case you didn't know. 
CP: Right. You're telling ME, the pharmacist, why a medication is prescribed. Thanks. I'll make sure to remember it phor next time. 
ME: How did I get into this?
HEYZEUS: I need it. I'm out!
CP: Oh! I remember. You're Jesus!
HEYZEUS: It's pronounced HEY ZEUS. 
CP: Natch. Well HEY ZEUS, you managed to make a 90 days supply last you 147 days. 
HEYZEUS: I take 3 a day! You gave me too many. 
CP: I gave you 90 days. If you take 3 tablets a day, for 30 days, that's 90 tablets. 90 tablets a month for 3 months is 270 tablets; that is what you received in those "two massive bottles". If you never missed a dose, as you claim, then you made a 90 days supply last nearly 65% longer than it should have. Jesus!
CP: Right. I also asked if you were expecting 4 prescriptions, to which you replied "yes". I further verified the accuracy of your order by checking each medication with you. So back to "YOU didn't fill my Metformin". I think you meant to say "I got home and realised I forgot to call in my refill. Could you fill it for me and I'll be down somewhere later tonight or tomorrow to retrieve it since it was my fault I forgot to refill it". 
HEYZEUS: <silence>
CP: Go ahead. Try it. Swish it around your mouth parts for a second and see how reality tastes on your tongue. In the meantime, I'll work on your prescription. Come when you get the text. 
ME: <giggles> That's what she said. 
CPP: If only it were that easy. 

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