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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

How Have You Survived This Long?

CP: Did you ever wonder how some people have made it to adulthood? 
CPP: Every day of my retail life. And every time I phind myself in public. 
CP: These people are born, grow up, walk among us, drive vehicles on the same roads we drive, and they vote. It's scary. 
CPP: What story-of-the-week prompted this? 
CP: When you buy a car, where do you go to buy the petrol to make it run? 
CPP: Is this a trick question? 
CP: No. 
CPP: Gas station? 
CP: Not the dealership? 
CPP: No. That'd be stupid. They sell cars, not the zoom juice that makes it go. 
CP: Next question. You decide you want to upgrade parts on your new ride. Do you go the original dealership? Or to an auto parts place that carries all kinds of specialty parts? 
CPP: The latter. 
CP: Is a business obligated to offer replacement parts to the original products it sells? 
CPP: It seems that would be a lot of inventory to carry. 
CP: Indeed.

Story Time

Guy Asking About Replacement Batteries Actually Gets Enraged: Can I ask you a question?
CP: I would have to say yes. Yes you can. Judging by the start of your sentence with "Can" and ending with an upward inflection and question mark, you're either Canadian or asking a question, eh? 
GAARBAGE: How does my meter work? 
CP: It sucks blood into itself and tastes for sugar. 
GAARBAGE: No. Do I need a battery or a charger?
CP: Did it come with a charging cable or a charging port?
CP: Is there a battery cover o the back?
CP: Battery for the win!
GAARBAGE: How do I get a new one?
CP: Go to the battery store, or grocer, or pretty much any place that sells batteries and buy one. 
GAARBAGE: Which one?
CP: Open the battery cover, remove battery, read the number. Or take it to said location of phuture purchase and show it to them. They can matchy-match it phor you. 
GAARBAGE: Don't you sell them? 
CP: We do not. 
GAARBAGE: Why not? 
CP: We don't sell many batteries so we don't stock them. 
GAARBAGE: Why not? You sell the meters, you should sell the replacement parts. 
CP: They're not really replacement parts. 
GAARBAGE: Cadillac sells Cadillac parts. 
CP: Sort of. But this is a Lifescan meter and we are not a Lifescan store. We are a retailer of many phine brands. Batteries can be found everywhere. 
GAARBAGE: I've never heard of running a business like this. 
CP: I don't run it, sir. I just listen to people complain about things to make themselves feel better. Just helping do my part.

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