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Wednesday, November 10, 2021

Alter Ego

CPP: Who is your alter ego?
CP: CP. 
CPP: Right. But, when patients get mad at you and ask your name so they can file a complaint with the 1-800 number, with what name do you reply? 
CP: Shirley. 
CPP: Why Shirley?
CP: So my conversations go like this:
Angry Little Elf: What's your name!
CP: Shirley! . . .
ALE: What?
CP: . . . you can't be serious!

CPP: Cute. 
CP: Never gets old. 
CPP: At least when they call back we can tell them "Shirley? She doesn't work here!"
CP: Shirley she does! I just spoke with her! 
CPP: What happens when Big Boss Lady gets the complaint?
CP: She barely knows who I am, let alone does she have time to track down which store is Shirley's home store. I don't concern MICE ELF with such trivialities. 
MICE ELF: Thanks for that. 
CP: No problem. 
CPP: Your inner voices are speaking out loud again. 
CP: Sorry. Another benefit?
CPP: What's that?
CP: When BBL does follow up after the 1-800-BITCH-IN call, since our DMs are ever-changing, is that we can tell her "Shirley that patient is crazy! Shirley, she hasn't worked here in years! Shirley? She died in aught 6. Must've been her ghost."
CPP: You've thought about this way too much. 
CP: I Shirley have. I don't have time to deal with people having hurt feelings over their refills being too soon, expired, or denied by their providers. With everything else being added to our plate, patients are lucky we are able to pay them any attention at all. If corporate wants us to work this way, then they can deal with the fallout of their staffing decisions. Just ask for Shirley. 
CPP: Shirley they will.

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