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Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Things That Make My Brain Hurt

ME: What's today's puzzling, makes-my-brain-hurt conversation?
CP: It's a good one. Makes me question my sanity. 
MICE ELF: You have some left?
ME: Please continue. 

<Scene: Friday, 16:42>
Lady On Some Therapy: I need a refill. 
CP: I see you have a refill available but we do not have the medication in stock. 
LOST: I am lost without it. 
CP: You are lost with it. 
LOST: I'm going to die without it. 
CP: You are going to die with it. 
LOST: I need it.
CP: It's Friday evening and we do not receive orders on Saturdays. I can order it for Monday or I ca. . .
LOST:  Can you transfer it?
CP: . . .or I can phone the pharmacy of your choosing and transfer it to them. 
LOST: Transfer it to Other Pharmacy People so I can get it this weekend. 

MICE ELF: There's nothing wrong with that. 
ME: Yeah. That scenario repeats itself all day every day in every pharmacy. 
CP: Fast forward to Monday morning. 

<Scene: Monday Morning, 10:10>
Dr. Jack Shephard: My patient called and said she needs a refill. 
CP: You mean LOST? 
DJS: Yes. 
CP: She has a refill. We were out of stock. It's a special order item due to cost. As it was Friday night, she opted to transfer it to OPP. 
DJS: She called and said she needed a refill. 
CP: Nope. 

MICE ELF: Again, not weird. 
ME: I'm bored. 
MICE ELF: Get to the denouement already. 

<Scene: Monday morning, 10:42>
LOST: Did my doctor call in my refill?
CP: You don't need a refill. You transferred you medication to OPP on Friday. 
LOST: Yeah. But I didn't want to go out over the weekend. 
CP: Wait. You had us transfer your prescription to OPP because you were going to die if you had to wait until Monday and now you tell me you didn't feel like going out to retrieve it Friday night, all day Saturday and all day Sunday? And they're a 24 hour store!
LOST: That's why I called my doctor. 
CP: Your doctor doesn't enter into this. He is irrelevant to the current situation. 
LOST: Well I want you to refill my medication today because I don't want to go there.
CP: Well I cannot. 
LOST: Why not?
CP: As you were told on Friday, we order this only for you. Since you elected to transfer it to OPP, we had no reason to order it for today so we did not order it for today. 
LOST: Well what am I supposed to do now?
CP: Um. You could, um, oh I don't know, uh, go to OPP where your prescription is currently filled and, like a puppy in a shelter, waiting to find a home?
LOST: Why don't you keep it in stock?
CP: Because it costs a lot. You're the only patient on it. Despite repeated pleas from us to sign up for automatic refills and alerts, you continue to refuse. Perhaps you will change your mind now. Or not. 
LOST: Well transfer it back and order it for tomorrow in case I don't get over there. 
CP: Huh? I am not going to hedge your bets for you. I can't transfer if you ARE going there because they will have to cancel it. 
LOST: Well if I don't get it, you'll need to order it. 
CP: I'll just don my wizard hat and crystals and scry to know if you're going to pick it up and, while I'm at it, divine your intentions to refill future prescriptions. 
LOST: I don't know what that means. 
CP: And I'll sign you up for automatic refills and texts.

ME: Wow. That took a turn. 
MICE ELF: I'm surprised she called you on Monday.
ME: Yeah. Wasn't she supposed to be dead?
CP: Alas, no. One of these days someone is going to actually keep the promises they make to pharmacies.

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