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Tuesday, August 3, 2021


CP: Why don't people believe us?
ME: They need two sources. They're just doing their own research. 
MICE ELF: No. They never believe anything we tell them. Just look at any number of our posts. 
CP: <screams> Ah!. 
MICE ELF: What? I just agreed with yo. . . 
CP: <screams> Ah! There's that word again. 
ME: What word? 
CP: I can't say it. Suffice to say it is one of the words CP cannot hear. 
MICE ELF: It's just. . . 
CP: <shrieks> That's the word!
ME: What? Just? 
CP: Yes. 
ME: Why is it so painful? 
CP: Because people invoke that word as some sort of skeleton key; a word that will unlock all mysteries and solve all of their problems. 
ME: How do you mean? 

CP: Dear patient. We are unable to fill this. <explains why: prior auth, no refills, expired, backorder, myriad other reasons without solutions>
Just Invoking Patient: Can't you just. . . ? <whatever they say here is irrelevant>
CP: No. No we cannot "just" anything. Believe me. If we could "just" do something, we would. I'd rather "just" solve the problem than continue to listen to you argue with me. 
JIP: It's just. . . 
CP: No it isn't "just" anything. The discussion is over. 

MICE ELF: Why would people rather believe it is our job to make their and our lives more difficult by intentionally withholding a simple solution? 
ME: Or that we professionals, who deal with these issues all day, every day like it's our actual job, would somehow not have thought of their brilliant, novel fix?
CP: I want to follow these people around; maybe around town, maybe to their jobs, maybe home. Any time they run into trouble I'm like to offer them helpful tips that start with "Why don't you just. . ." or "Can't you just. . ." and see how helpful they think it is. 
ME: Like the other day when I was at a local restaurant and their internet was down. They warned the patrons they would have to pay by cash or check. The party accepted the terms and proceeded to enjoy their meal for the next two hours. At the end, the leader of the pack handed the hostess his credit card. When she again informed him their internet was down and reminded him he agreed to pay cash, he said "just run my card". She told him it doesn't work like that, the internet is down to which he replied "can't you just turn it off and turn it back on". I loved her so much when she smacked her forehead and said "why didn't I think of that hours ago?" 
CP: And that's just why we eat there. 
MICE ELF: <psst> You just said the word again.

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