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Monday, October 25, 2021

RPh = Legerdemainist

Only Best Existing Can Alleviate Life's Problems: I wish to purchase any and all of the following products from this professional dispensary of prescription products. 
CP: Do you always speak to people as if you are performing a google search? 
OBECALP:  Pardon?
CP: What is the best. . . ?
OBECALP: Of course. Only the best shall do. 
CP: Ok. On with the show. How may I help you?
OBECALP: I wish to procure some of your finest Hydrocortisone Cream 1%, Some Aspirin, Zinc, B6, and D3. 
CP: Odd list. Do you have prescriptions?
OBECALP: I do not. 
CP: Are you hoping for your insurance to cover a portion of them? or to be able to use your Health Savings Account to pay for them? 
OBECALP: I am not. 
CP: Then I can show you where these products are located on the OTC shelves. 
OBECALP: That shall not do. 
CP: Ok. May I ask WHY?
OBECALP: The stuff you have behind the counter is much better. It's better because you keep it back there. This I know. Else it would not be hidden back there. 
CP: Yes. We are the Guardians of The Keep. The font of knowledge and special formulations that are secreted within the alcoves among the brick and mortar hallways of our deep pharmacy. It may look small from the outside, but our apothecary elders have granted us knowledge and access to these deep recesses. It's like the Room of Requirement, our pharmacy. 
OBECALP: I knew it. 
CP: Then allow me to retrieve your requirements forthwith, post haste, and without phurther ado. 
<walks to back, exits rear door of pharmacy, enters store from the other side of pharmacy, walks aisles, selects patient's requested products, reenters through back door, pops back up at counter>
And here you are my good man!
OBECALP: Much kindness I wish upon you. 
CP: All in a day's work. 

CPP: <observing; smiling> That was quite the production.
CP: Thanks. 
CPP: Did he ask for "the best and only the Behind the Counter products will work"? 
CP: Of course. 
CPP: Ah, the sweet smell of naivete and marketing. 
CP: It still blows my mind that people think if we reach behind us to just "take bottles off the shelves" they are better than walking out front and just taking THOSE bottles off the shelves". 
CPP: Deception and misdirection. 
CP: Prestidigitation. 
CPP: Hey Rocky, watch my pull this OTC item out of the back. 
CP: If only people knew they were the exact same tablets/capsules/creams back here as they are out front. 
CPP: Even better, when we receive prescriptions for OTC items, if the OTC NDC is covered on Medicaid, we will walk right past the patient, pull it off the shelf, "slap a label on that bitch", and hand it over. Nothing special. 
CP: Except the label.

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