Simpler Times

CPP: Did you go to the managers' meeting?

CP: Yes. It was even more pointless than the previous phew. 

CPP: Which you said were more pointless than a soccer ball. 

CP: This left me like a phlat soccer ball - deflated. 

CPP: How can you tie this in to a great story, O Wise One?

CP: Glad you asked. Phirst, I get a story at work. Then I decide which characters are necessary to phlesh out a solid intro and conclusion and we're off on an adventure. 

CPP: Thanks, Bilbo. As you were. 

CP: I miss the days when things were simpler; like that meeting?

CPP: Yeah?

CP: It should've been a memo. 

CPP: And today's story?

CP: Shouldn't've 'appened. 

CPP: That's a lot of apostrophes. Your story?

CP: An officer of Dr. Zoffis left me a voicemail. 

CPP: Nothing new there. 

CP: Officer said: "Stop sending refill requests. Patient must make appointment."

CPP: And therein lies the rub. 

CP: Indeed. Phirst, I cannot stop patients phrom calling in their Rx numbers on my phone/app/website requesting a refill phor which they have not received a new Rx as these are automatic and outside my control. Second, I called OUR patient and provided this information to them; even included the exact verbiage on their previous label of the 90 days supply you gave them as just-this-one-time-more. Third, and I know this is where I lose the officers, but STOP. CALLING. ME. 

CPP: <gasps, but with a cynical inspiration> Bite thy tongue! How darest thou insinuate it is incumbent upon the officers of Dr. Zoffis to ring their own patients. 

CP: I not only insinuate, I point blank call them out on it. Instead of calling me and, not only bypassing me where I can correct you to save us both some time by you calling the patient, leaving a message you chicken little, you could have called the patient, scheduled the appointment, and saved everyone trouble. Now, the patient will get a call phrom ME telling THEM their doctor called ME to tell THEM to call the OFFICE to schedule an appointment. WTF? Are we in grade school again? 

"Pssst. Kory told Leah to tell Kevin that Lindsay likes Brian and wants him to ask her out. Make sure Brian tells Andrew to tell Mike to tell Jen to tell me to talk to her first."

CPP: Your theory is revolutionary! If only there were a way to implement this. 

CP: <snaps phingers> Got it!

CPP: That was quick. 

CP: #TWSS! Remember the other day when I mentioned I would tell patients their doctor has "Magic Hours" from 8-10am with no appointment necessary; you can walk in any time and be seen immediately with half-off copays?

CPP: Yes. 

CP: I'm going to call these offices back, transfer to their voicemail, and tell them I scheduled their patients' appointments phor them. 

CPP: I like it. How's that work?

CP: "Hi. It's CP calling phrom Cynical Shenanigans Pharmacy. You left a voicemail telling me to call your patient to let them know they need an appointment. While I had them on the phone, I took the luxury of scheduling their appointment phor you so you would not be troubled phurther. Ana L. Fischer will be there Tuesday, 5/23 at 9:15. Should you have any questions, please phollow up directly with the patient as this is a non-callback number and messages left phor the pharmacy will not be returned but will result in phurther appointments being scheduled." 

CPP: I like this. We could see how many of these calls it takes before they "get" the message. I'd say, after the first voicemail, schedule one appointment, second voicemail, schedule another appointment, third voicemail, schedule two appointments, then schedule 3, then 5, then, 8 then 13. . . 

CP: Spiral out.