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Monday, September 30, 2013

A Spoon! A Spoon! My Kingdom for a Spoon!

It has finally come to this. I've had customer complaints about poor service, perceived slights, and long waits. Last week was a new low in the retail pharmacy world.
It is after close. A darkened pharmacy lurks in the shadows of the back corner of the store. An eerie stillness permeates the air. A fog rolls in. A dog barks. As I slowly wend my way among the warren of aisles to my front door, a hobgoblin jumps out and approaches me...
HobGoblin: Where do you think you're going?
CP: Home.
HG: Not until I get what I need.
CP: Sorry, but the pharmacy is closed. I stayed until 9:15 after having arrived early at 8:20 this morning. Time to enjoy some sustenance and a long pee. I bid you good night.
HG: Just you wait a minute. You didn't give me what I need with my prescription.
CP: You got your prescription?
HG: Yes.
CP: Then whatever could you now require?
HG: A spoon!
CP: Sorry?
HG: A spoon! No one back there offered me a damn spoon. How the hell am I going to give this to my child without a freaking spoon?!
CP: Seriously? This is why I'm still held captive here? A spoon? First, we don't have to offer you anything. It is a courtesy that we provide where we hand them out with liquid prescriptions. Second, had you not come in at 8:59 screaming that your child had to have her antibiotics tonight, even though you dropped off the prescription at 10:17 this morning, perhaps we would not have felt so rushed that we may have remembered to offer you a dosing utensil. Third, most people have accumulated so many cups, spoons, and syringes they could open their own dispensary, that we don't always remember to offer them. When you buy soup or pudding, does the grocery store have to offer you a spoon? Lastly, you could have asked for one. Seriously. Instead of keeping your pie hole busy hurling invectives at us about making sure we stay open, how about you say thank you for sticking around long enough and then asking for a measuring device?
HG: Well I never!
CP: I know. And you never will. Next time you choose to go off on someone, make sure it's not CP, it's not after hours after a 13 hour day, and you bring a serious complaint to me. By the way, there is an entire section of spoons, droppers, cups, syringes, applicators and dosing aids conveniently located directly across the aisle from the pharmacy. Go buy one. I am not going to unlock my pharmacy and wait for the alarm company to call me just to give you a free spoon.

...Now someone in corporate America will get the brilliant idea that all pharmacy employees be required to, at all times, keep a spoon and a syringe on them when wandering the store. Whether it's on their way to the bathroom or their way in and out of the store, it will be required. FE managers will be required to do random checks on pharmacy personnel. Maybe we will even be expected to wander the aisles and offer spoons to all store customers who appear to be buying anything in a liquid. If this idea works, maybe they front end will have to offer forks and knives in the meat department...

Join me next time for Star Tech-The Search for Spork

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