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Tuesday, September 3, 2013


It has always been my policy to have my employees verify the copay price with patients BEFORE actually ringing the sale. I hear there are some companies that mandate this as well. That makes me pretty smart. My reasons were always to make sure the patient was AWARE of the price so we would not have to reverse a sale. This ensured that a really high-priced item would trigger the obligatory "but I have insurance!" or "didn't my insurance cover it?" or "WHAT?!" exclamations from patients. These were usually handled delicately with a quick explanation that their high-priced insurance actually did cover it and we'd quote some lofty Usual and Customary (U&C) price to them to prove how expensive this could have been.
However, this would not be funny, or cynical, without an outlier, a nonconformer, a person that just doesn't quite get it. They laugh in the face of, well, themselves in the mirror probably. They are smarter than you and I. They own us. They have us played. It is a chess game to them. They are card playing professionals.
At the penultimate moment before the sale, as the wick is about to be snuffed by its own waxy cocoon, the player tries to trump us...

Awesomest Tech At Things: How may I help you today?
Bret Maverick: I am here to pick up a prescription.
AT-AT: Lovely. We do those here. Name, date of birth, next of kin, blood type, and the first 314 digits of pi?
BM: <cooly complying> Anything else?
AT-AT: No sir. Are you aware of the price of this medication?
BM: I am. I have purchased this before, many times.
AT-AT: Wonderful, then if you'd like to hand me payment we can be all....

<as if in slow motion, and played like the titular character's final hand (FYI that's Maverick)
A card is slowly removed from its hand, then slowly, carefully flung upon the counter, where it rattles,  clacking around, until coming to rest, face-up, to be revealed as the Ace of Spades! Straight Flush! Winner!>

AT-AT: Yes?
BM: Bam!
AT-AT: Bam what sir?
BM: That's my card. My insurance.
AT-AT: It is indeed yours sir. But nonchalantly flicking it upon my counter like you just won a WSP event is rather overdramatic and ineffectual.
BM: So this doesn't help?
AT-AT: It already helped sir. Of this you were most certainly aware, as you stated earlier. However, the theatrics were quite nice. I can't quite figure out how you managed the whole slow-motion video of your deal to me, but it looked really impressive. Now I just need a credit card. And this time, you can just hand it to me, thank you.

1 comment:

  1. Lately we've been getting a lot of people at the register pulling out some discount card that was mailed to them and asking if it will be cheaper on the card.

    "Why yes, some company just randomly mailed you a card that will instantly reduce your prescriptions to almost nothing."