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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

New Twist on an Old Classic

Stop me if you've heard this before...
Random Patient: I have to go out of town for a funeral so I need an early refill.
(Now let's suppose, for this exercise, there are no narcotics involved. Seriously, that was not the case.)

The new twist comes from what happened later. Apparently this patient did not have the foresight, or perhaps the time, to stop by his local pharmacy to alert them to his hastily scheduled travel plans. (Funerals do tend to sneak up on you.) Instead, we got to be on the other end of his out-of-town conversation...

<Sunday. 4:57pm. 3 minutes until closing...>

RP: I am out of town for a funeral and I left my medication at home.
CP: Do you happen to use one of our stores in your hometown?
RP: I certainly do.
CP: Then let us see if we can fill it for you. Oh, I am sorry. It appears your refill is too soon for the insurance to cover it. I can charge you for a few to last you until you get home.
RP: But I'm on Medicaid. I don't have to pay for them. You need to give them to me.
CP: You're so cute, coming in at closing and demanding I give you something for free. Go ahead. Ask for something else. I like to be entertained.
RP: You don't understand. I have to have this or...
CP: ...or you'll die. Right. If I may ask, exactly how far have you travelled for this solemn occasion?
RP: I drove all the way from (city in the neighboring county).
CP: Really? My parents live there. That's about a 30 minute drive. You mean to tell me your definition of "out of town" is less than 30 miles? Either you don't get out much or you're just really lazy if you can't drive home and back to pick up your medication. Your choices are to pay cash for a few or spend the gas and time to make the 1 hour round trip. Either way, the cost will be the same. But hurry up, because I'm going home as soon as these gates hit the counter.
RP: Fine. I'll pay for them.
CP: Thank you for shopping with us today. Oh, I almost forgot. Would you like a flu shot?

1 comment:

  1. I had a lady who was leaving the next day for a town 90 miles away (which is full of our chain pharmacies) and insisted I fill her narcotics early. When I told her it would be easy to transfer the medication, she looked at me like I was trying to abuse her.

    It was only a few days early and she is a real pain in the ass that has complained to The Authorities about me before, so I did it.

    The next day I'm walking through the store on the way to my shift. There she was, in the front of the store, buying a giant load of groceries. She saw me and instantly turned red.

    Nasty old woman.