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Monday, February 23, 2015

Please Feed the Pharmacy Staff

We work in a zoo.
Not a place like a zoo. 
A real zoo. 
I'm not talking about the chaos. 
I'm talking about our cage. 
We are behind a counter. We are behind a partial window or barrier where people can walk by and observe us. There are people who go to zoos simply to have lunch and watch the giraffes. Others prefer to run to the monkey exhibits first.
Same with pharmacy. There are those who come to get prescriptions filled and watch us while we work on their orders. There are others who come for the other exhibits in the store, but can't help walking past the pharmacy encounter and point and gawk at the lowly humans forced onto display for their amusement. 

As in the zoo where you may see some lettuce or bits of food scrap lying around, depending on the time of your visit, you are also likely to see the humans with orts scattered around the counters or in their pockets. I believe we should embrace the zoo-like habitat in which we are forced to dwell. Let's install little gum ball-like vending machines in front of our counters. Instead of pellets for the ducks, we could offer Cheetos and Orange Slices (non-projectile-like food is favoured). This way, when people get mad and want to throw something at us, it will not hurt, and be edible! We could post signs that read: "Please feed the humans!".

Patient interactions would now include more bartering.

Impatient Guest: How long is this going to take?
CP: 17-23 minutes should suffice.
IG: Why so long?
CP: I'm feeling a wee bit peckish. Hunger makes me sluggish and disoriented. Need more time to focus.
IG: You should eat.
CP: Not allowed. No breaks. I can only eat food that fits in my pockets.
IG: How can I help?
CP: See that little feeder out there? The one with the brownies?
IG: Yes…?
CP: Go put a dollar in there and feed us. May help to bring back my super powers and I can fight this mid-afternoon somnolence.
IG: And then?
CP: Your prescription will be ready in 16-21 minutes.
IG: That sounds better.

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