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Friday, February 6, 2015

If the Real World Worked the Way People Believe Pharmacy Does...

I didn't know what to do.
I had only been on the other side of the counter for these situations before.
This was new territory for me.
Fortunately, years of practice made me a skilled warrior, ready to act appropriately.
Though I felt naked without my Kitana Spatula, I knew my sharp wit would see me through this dark encounter.

Midnight, the time.
McDonald's drive thru, the place.
Drive-Thru Lady: How may I help you?
CP: I'd like 4 apple pies and a Coke.
DTL: You a Blues Brother?
CP: Nope. Need to feed a car of peckish people.
DTL: We don't have any pies now.
CP: You're out?
DTL: Yes.
CP: Do you not sell pies at night?
DTL: Yes. But we are out.
CP: Can you just nuke a few more?
DTL: No.
CP: Thanks. (drives away)
<car next in line begins to order>

Car Two: I'd like a milkshake.
DTL: No milkshake.
CT: No? Why not?
DTL: They are cleaning the shake machine.
CT: You are open another hour, yes?
DTL: Yes.

<back in line after hearing this exchange>
CP: I'd like 4 apple pies and a milkshake.
DTL: No pies. No milkshakes.
CP: <calls store phone number from drive thru> I'd like to speak to the manager please.
McD's Manager: How may I help you?
CP: I ordered pies.
MM: And then.
CP: A milkshake.
MM: And then.
CP: They told me they were out.
MM: And then.
CP: No and then. This is McDonald's, right? Your sign says Pies and Shakes. I want pies and shakes.
MM: We don't have any right now.
CP: Okay. I'll wait.
MM: What?
CP: I'll wait right here for you to finish cleaning the machine and bake me more pies, except I expect 8 pies, all for free, a gift card for breakfast tomorrow, two shakes, and a Coke.
MM: Um…
CP: I'm also calling your franchise office and complaining about the service here. I'll have your job and all your burger flippers fired. I see them in there not making my pies.
 <gesticulates wildly saying: "I see you! You can't hide from me"> How hard is it to just nuke a pie?
MM: Um…
CP: Just kidding. Guess we'll all just have to drive on with our thirsts unslaked.

<Drives off until finding the next McDonald's>
DTL: How may I help you here at your 24-hour Drive-thru?
CP: I'd like 4 fried chickens and a Coke.
DTL: Really?
CP: No. Just 4 pies, a shake, and a Coke.
DTL: Sorry. We only have 2 pies and the shake machine is broken.
CP: Hold on. Go pick up your phone.
DTL: What? It's not ringi...

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