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Thursday, May 19, 2022

Sudafed - The Saga Continues

ME: What's the most frustrating part about so many Sudafed products on backorder?
MICE ELF: Besides the uncomprehending looks on people's faces when we tell them everything is unavailable?
CP: Or the inability for their brains to get wrapped around the fact that, yes, this is the 7th place you've been and the answer has been the same everywhere else so don't get mad at me?
ME: But I need it!
MICE ELF: I gots to haves it. My preshusss.
CP: How badly do they really want it though?
ME: Not bad enough to look at other options. 
MICE ELF: Or at least not bad enough to entertain alternative solutions. 
CP: Precisely. 
ME & MICE ELF: Yay! Story time!

CP: Welcome to CP's D&D. How may I help you?
Another Sudafed Seeker Begging And Grumbling It's Not So: D&D?
CP: Draughts and Drachms. How may I help?
ASS BAGINS: I need the Advil Cold and Sinus. 
CP: We are phresh out. 
CP: No. It's been on backorder for months. 
ASS BAGINS: That's what everyone keeps telling me. 
CP: At some point maybe you'll listen to the majority. Or you can keep doing your own research. 
ASS BAGINS:What's that supposed to m. . . 
CP: Or you could hear me out on a revolutionary workaround; a satisfying alternative to your predicament. 
ASS BAGINS: I'm listening. 
CP: I need you to hear me as well. I can sell you plain, red, 4-hour Sudafed and Advil. You take one of each, one blue pill and one red pill together in one hand and swallow them together. Your stomach will combine the two ingredients into Advil Cold and Sinus. Boom! 
ASS BAGINS: It's not the same; plain sudafed doesn't work for me. 
CP: You listened, but didn't hear me. I warned you about that. You take one of each. It's a medical technique referred to as Unavicci. 
ASS BAGINS: Unavicci?
CP: Yes. It's pronounced "oona-VEECH-E". You take one of each at the same time and it works the same as your trusty combo product. 
ASS BAGINS: It sounds Italian. I don't trust it. Plain Sudafed never works for me. 
CP: Do you like chocolate milk?
ASS BAGINS: Who doesn't?
CP: The store was out of brown milk; must be a brown cow shortage or something. Anyway, I took a gallon of White Milk and poured MICE ELF a glass. I took a bottle of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. I added them to my glass at the same time. Chocolate Milk!
MICE ELF: It was sooooo good!
ASS BAGINS: That's not the same. I don't like white milk. It tastes like white milk. It's not real chocolate milk.
CP: Then I wish you well on your questing. 

ME: We need out of here. People can do their own research, but present them with a viable option to phix their problem and suddenly you don't know anything. 
MICE ELF: I miss being a trusted profession(al). 
CP: I need to leave this planet. So long and thanks phor all the phish.

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