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Thursday, June 2, 2022

Going On A Trip

ME: We're going on a trip, in our favourite rocket ship. . . 
MICE ELF: Zooming through the sky!
CP: Have you stopped by the pharmacy at the last minute to get your medications refilled?
ME: Yes!
CP: Everyone have their role assignments?
CP: Shall we?
ME & MICE ELF: Lettuce!

Gate Agent Trying Everything,  But. . . : Welcome to Delta. Where are you headed today?
M+ME+CP: We are traveling on holiday. 
GATE B: Not what I asked. Tickets?
MMECP: Um. We don't have them. We figured you could look them up. 
GATE B: Look them up? 
MMECP: Yeah. In "The System". We are flying to that one city, in that state with all the vowels in its name? it's kinda big, but not like NY/LA big. No. More like Springfield?
GATE B: Which one? 
MMECP: All of them. Can't you look it up? It's under Pharmacist, Cynical. I've flown with you guys before; I don't understand the problem. 
GATE B: Per federal regulations, you must have your boarding pass. . . 
MMECP: Which you supplied to me and I forgot so since I have a flight to catch and you issued the first ticket, fetch another posthaste. 
GATE B: I cannot do that. Are you even sure this is the correct airline? Date? Time? Are you sure you have a flight today?
MMECP: Duh. I made it on the TWA phone prompt thingy you had me do. 
MMECP: Uh, yeah! 
GATE B: They went out of business decades ago. This is Delta. And we do online ticketing now. 
MMECP: This is an airline, right? You do have planes that fly, right? Just give me a ticket so I can start my holiday and be done with this. 
GATE B: You don't know where you are. You have no ID. You don't know where you're going; or when. But you're here and want me to fix all of this for you?
MMECP: For free. With upgrades. Since you messed up and "lost" my reservation even though I come here all the time, I need extra nuts for my flight. 
GATE B: Oh, I think your level of nuts is chokingly high.
MMECP: Look, we work retail; pharmacy no less. We know how this works. Our patients have been educating us. All we do is not plan ahead, randomly show up unannounced and unprepared, ask for things to which we are not entitled, complain about things that are actually our responsibility, argue and make scenes from which you, the retailer, will cower and become subservient, then acquiesce by granting our every demand. Now fetch us our flight forthwith!


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