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Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Boss Conversation #3

CP's Partner: You down with CPP?
CP: Yeah, you know me. What's today's topic?
CPP: Corporate incongruity.
CP: Sounds exciting.
CPP: You need to do a piece on how out of touch corporate people are with reality.
CP: You mean more than the ones I do every day?
CPP: Yes. This has more to do with the comics you showed me about how corporate bosses expect the same level of performance after they've cut all your help to the marrow. Rather than doing what hasn't worked, let's try something else.
CP: Sounds good. Shall we begin?
CPP: Let us...I'll be DM.

DM: We have noticed that prescriptions are falling and customer service scores have dropped as well. The most common reason given is that wait times have increased.
CP: This makes sense. You cut our budget right before Pharmacy Winter and again after January 1st. Good timing.
DM: As a result, we are going to cut your budgeted hours. You will lose your pharmacist overlap on Mondays and your drive-thru tech help.
CP: Makes sense.
DM: I'm glad you agree.
CP: I mean it makes sense if you are trying to piss off the rest of the people who haven't complained yet.
DM: Come again?
CP: I'll try to use little words so you can follow. Maybe a few puppets and colourful illustrations for you. <waggles fingers>
DM: Pretty.
CP: Stay with me. We got busy during Pharmacy Winter with increased goals of flu shots, MTMs, other vaccines, and the usual winter sicknesses. We had insurance changes at the beginning of the year. During this time, you cut our hours. As a result of having fewer people to fill prescriptions, wait times increased. As a result of increased wait times, people complained about the wait times. People left us to go elsewhere. As a result of people leaving due to increased wait times, you see fit to slash our budget again. This will result in longer wait times. This will result in people leaving. This will, by your logic, result in more budget cuts. Do I understand you?
DM: Makes sense so far.
CP: No. In no world does this make sense. Let me ask you the follow up question. If your strategy works, and I am the only employee left in the pharmacy and business magically grows, will I get my hours back?
DM: No. I will observe that you are fully capable of handling it all yourself, tell you what a great job you are doing, remind you to make your quotas, and see you at evaluation time.
CP: When I will get no bonus.
DM: Correct. I will get it because I look awesome for slashing my budget.

CP: I have a proposal.
DM: Go ahead.
CP: Let's cut the number of DMs in half. You will now have double the territory. You will now be responsible for visiting all your stores twice a quarter instead of once. You will have the same budget as you did with half as many stores. You also must visit each store once as they are providing an inservice clinic or MTM. You may only fill up your gas tank once a week, on Wednesdays. If you do not make it to all your stores, we will cut your gas rations and expand your territory.

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