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Monday, March 7, 2016

Boss Conversation #1

The next time I am due for a review with my DM, I am going to let her know exactly how my day goes. They always ask for honesty, and the truth shall set you free. Maybe a little too free...
DM: How has the last year been for you?
CP: Exciting. Lots of new revelations and understandings have I now. 
DM: Such as? 
CP: I don't give two shits at work. 
DM: What? How is that professional? 
CP: I also started drinking after work. Have been for the last year now.
DM: That's not professional either. I think you need to talk with HR.

HR: Madam DM tells me you have some serious issues at work and we are concerned about your professionalism.
CP: Madam DM likes to lie a lot and make herself look good.
HR: I don't believe you. She is well respected.
CP: That's because she has you fooled.
HR: She said, and I quote, "CP said 'I don't two shits at work'."
CP: She's right. I'm not allowed to leave the pharmacy to use the bathroom. We are too busy and we are trying to improve customer satisfaction scores. Since she values the scores over my health and needs, I cannot make my way out of the pharmacy to poop. Therefore, I don't give two shits at work...they wait until I get home. She really needs to ask the appropriate follow up questions. Are you sure she is qualified to be a DM?
HR: There's another issue here we need to discuss. 
CP: I bet she told you I drink too?
HR: Yes.
CP: Again, I told her I started drinking after work.
HR: Alcoholism is a deadly disease.
CP: It is. Glad I'm not an alcoholic.
HR: But you said...
CP: I said "I started drinking after work". I did not say I am a spirited imbiber. We are not allowed to bring beverages with us into the pharmacy. Since we do not receive breaks of any kind, again valuing customer service over our own health, we cannot replenish our fluid levels. It makes it really easy to not pee during a day. Therefore, in order to get in all of my necessary liquids, I have to drink my water and tea when I arrive at home.
HR: She said you have a drinking problem.
DM: My DM really needs to get out a bit more and understand what it's like to be a pharmacist. Too bad she was promoted after one year out of school. She also needs to dig a little deeper to find out what Cynical Pharmacists mean when they talk.
HR: So you're saying she's a bad DM?
CP: Good follow up question. This is why you're in HR. You'd never make it as a DM. 

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