Modern English

I love words, as many daily readers can tell. Dumbledore said "words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible resource; capable of both inflicting pain and remedying it." I also find them quite funny when placed in a certain order on prescriptions. Some of my favourites...

Take 1 tablet by mouth 2 times a day as needed for pain with food.
(Is that only for "pain with food"?)

Chew one tablet by mouth and swallow every evening.
(When do I chew it? and do I have to keep it there all day before swallowing it?)

A rather specific type of sex being prescribed here. Sorry, doctor's orders...