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Friday, April 26, 2013

Returns Not Accepted

Let me make this clear: We are not allowed to accept prescription medication returns. This is why we belabor these points at checkout...
Average Customer: I am picking up my prescriptions today.
CP: How many, kind customer?
AC: Three
CP: That will cost $240
AC: I see. And why so much?
CP: The one is a non-preferred brand so your insurance is charging you $200 for it.
AC: Ok.
CP: You are welcome to leave it here and check with your insurance to make sure that what I am telling you is correct. (It is...) But if you take it home, I am not allowed to return it should you decide paying me $200 was ill-advised.
AC: That's okay. I shall take it now.
CP: Are you sure? Again, let me remind you I am not allowed to accept returns.
AC: Gotcha.

<15 minutes later>
Any Customer's Spouse: Why did you charge my Significant Other $200?
CP: That's your copay.
ACS: We can't afford that. We have food to buy.
CP: And I expressly forewarned AC that it could be left here at the pharmacy. AC decided that you needed the medication more than food which is why it is now at your house and not at my pharmacy.
ACS: You're taking this back.
CP: Nope.
ACS: Yes you are.
CP: No. I most certainly am not. Once it leaves my pharmacy, once it crosses the invisible wall that is your side of my counter, I am not able to accept it as a return. I have this annoying little thing that governs me in these cases. It's called the law. The State Boards like that we strictly adhere to the laws they establish.
ACS: You should have mentioned that when we picked it up.
CP: I did.
ACS: Significant other says you did not.
CP: Of course SO said that. SO is afraid of you. In fact, you scare me a little bit and I'm on the phone with you. SO has to live with you and face your ire for spending your food money. Too bad you give SO no credit for thinking about your health. About how much of a concern that was before deciding to pay for the medication. Apparently SO cares more about your health than you do. So take the medication and thank SO for being so dear to you and live long and prosper...

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