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Wednesday, April 24, 2013


How do you pick your doctor? Is it a general practitioner? Is it a specialist? Do you ask for a referral? Do you do research online or get recommendations from friends?
How do you choose your pharmacy? Do you put as much effort and thought into the professionals providing your medication as you do your doctor? 
You should. While it is true any pharmacy can fill your prescription, not every one can develop the personal relationship needed for quality healthcare. 
Which brings me to...

Entitled Customer: My doctor gave me a prescription and I've never used your pharmacy before.
CP: Fantastic. Thanks for calling. How may I help you? (Since that was a statement and not a question.)
EC: I wish for you to fill it. 
CP: Superb. Since we are a pharmacy, we do that sort of thing here. 
EC: I do have a question for you first. 
CP: Absolutely. I am an amazing pharmacist. As you can plainly see, I have a wonderful rapport with my patients and will often go out of my way to help them. Ask away.
EC: What are you going to give me?
CP: Sorry? Give you? I shall fill your prescription and give you what was prescribed. 
EC: No. I mean, what incentive do I have to come to your pharmacy?
CP: My supreme awesomeness is not enough?
EC: No, quite frankly, it is not. I want gifts lavished upon me. I want to feel like a queen. In order to gain my business, you should bow before me. Offer me coffee, a mani-pedi, gift cards, free gas, some chickens, and a FastPass to the front of your line every time I come here.
CP: I think not.
EC: I think so. Your company prides itself on customer service. If you don't give me everything I ask, I shall complain. Then you'll get in trouble and I'll get everything I wish, and more, anyway. So make it happen, post haste!
CP: How about NO? I pride myself on professionalism. I pride myself on being the best pharmacist around. Patients love me. My techs love me. I don't care if you are offended that I won't hand you the keys to my pharmacy and do a little dance on the counter for you. It's not my job to kiss your ass. Do you shop for doctors this way? See who'll give you a free colonoscopy? Or maybe a breast augmentation? I think not. Feel free to keep shopping around. I know plenty of pharmacies crawling all over each other to gain your business. Try them. Maybe you could conference them in on a 3-way call and take bids for the opportunity to fill your Diflucan and Valtrex. It's not going to happen here. Unlike the rest of my whore profession, I still respect myself and demand you do too. Away with you.  


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    Wellness Pharmacy