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Friday, January 22, 2021

Don't Call Me, I'll (Probably Not) Call You

Uber-Tech: How may I help you today?
I Mustn't Accept Biting Innuendo That Could Hurt: I am here to retrieve my prescription that I faithfully ordered over a week ago; giving you ample time to fill it for me. 
UT: Delightful. Hmm. 
IMABITCH: "Hmm", what?
UT: It appears we are awaiting a refill authorisation from your provider. 
IMABITCH: I've given you a week. This is absurd!
UT: Indeed it has been a week. Yet your doctor has still not responded to our requests. All four of them, in fact. We sent one every other day for the last 8 days and, nada. Now may be the time to ring your provider yourself.
IMABITCH: You have had over a week! This is why I hate coming here. You people are so stupid.  
UT: We are not "stupid", only doing our jobs. Unfortunately, your doctor seems incapable of doing theirs. 
IMABITCH: I cannot believe I keep coming here. 
UT: Yeah. You should find a new doctor since they are the ones who seem to be failing you.

CP: <triumphantly rides in on my trusty steed> Ma'am. You are not allowed to speak to my staff that way. She has been most gracious with her patience and explained the situation but you have neither listened not attempted to understand her. 
IMABITCH: Your staff are rude and so are you. 
CP: <deep sigh>
UT: Oh shit. <ducks>
CP: Let me put this into one of my world-phamous analogies to help you understand. Let's say you are at the bar, again. Let's say you're pounding the White Claws and the 80's wants your hair back. You see a guy and, after a few more beer-goggling drinks to make yourself feel more attractive, you give him your number. Next day, no call. No calls from him for the next, oh, 8 days. On whom do we place the blame? The guy who didn't call? The bartender who served you and watched you make a fool of yourself? Just because you gave him your number does not mean you can make him call you. Just like I can't make your doctor call me either. Maybe "Bar Guy" doesn't want to look at your vagina any more than your doctor does. Now apologise to my tech and take your ass-filled acid wash mom jeans out of my store, and call your own doctor for your own refill. And put the Aqua Net back!
UT: Ouch. 
CP: Yeah. The Aqua Net was a low blow but that feathered mullet was an assault on the eyes. 
UT: 80's Karen.

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