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Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Why Are All Patients Canadian?

ME: I have made an observation.
MICE ELF: Do go on.
CP: Please do not encourage ME.
ME: <ahem> Whenever we say anything to a patient?, particularly with regards to price?, they always become Canadian?
MICE ELF: Nice. I too? have noticed that?
CP: They do?
ME: Yes! Just like that?
MICE ELF: Everything is inflective?
CP: So when we tell the patient?, "That'll be $200?", they respond with?
ME: "$200? For an eye drop?"
CP: Right? Or your copay today is $50.00?
MICE ELF: "$50? For an antibiotic?"
CP: Right? Everything is a question? Whatever happened to people just saying "okay" and being done with it?
ME: Right? It's not as if different medication classes have different pay tiers.
CP: Imagine extending that argument to anything else; shoes, houses, vehicles, etc.
MICE ELF: Though that would be something; flat-rate pricing based on class.
CP: Or if the prices were based on how old they are? Medications over 50 years old, $5.00. Medications 30-49 years old, $10.00. Medications 15-29 years old? $25.00. Anything newer than 15 years is market price.
MICE ELF: Imagine what would happen if there were a list of medications moving off the <15yo list! Can't wait until Pregabalin falls onto the 15-29yo list!
ME: Yeah. Imagine how cheap Tetracycline would have to be.
MICE ELF: Or Penis-Illin.
CP: You know it's pronounced PEN-uh-SILL-in, right?
MICE ELF: <shrugs> Tomato. Penis. Whatever.
ME: There's something wrong with you, eh?

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