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Monday, August 5, 2019

Returns Not Allowed

CPP: Plans for tonight?
CP: Drinking with a friend.
CPP: Who?
CP: Mr. Vesa. Or as he prefers to be called, Sir.
CPP: Sir Vesa?
CP: Yep.
CPP: You need a day off.

<a woman approacheth>
CP: Good evening mademoiselle. How might I help thee?
Lady Exchanging Merchandise: As my name clearly states, I am here to make an exchange.
CP: I see. I see. And what is it that you wish to exchange?
LEM: <lays toothbrush on counter> This toothbrush I purchased last night.
CP: I see. I see. And why do you wish to return it?
LEM: I used it and found the bristles to be too hard for me.
CP: You used a toothbrush, found the bristles to be too hard, and now wish to return the used toothbrush?
LEM: Correct. I believe I need softer bristles.
CP: Rather than simply purchasing a new toothbrush for a few dollars, you expect me to exchange it for you?
LEM: Correct. I did not become wealthy by wasting my money on frivolity.
CP: Of course not. Have you not used toothbrushes for most of your adulthood? It seems you should have some experience in what types of bristles you would prefer by this point in your life.
LEM: I am not here for a lecture. I simply wish to exchange this for a softer one.
CP: Alas, that is a request I cannot honour.
LEM: Why not?
CP: Well, first off, it's used. It's not as if I can sell it now. No one comes to my pharmacy asking for the "used toothbrush" section. Can't you see that now? "Previously tested! Already broken in! Save 15% off the full price of a brand new toothbrush. Only used once!"
LEM: You're mocking me.
CP: A little.
LEM: It's a simple request.
CP: No. It's an outrageous request. Imagine watching the ubiquitous commercials for toilet paper. Seriously though, why do we need ads for TP? Who hasn't heard of it and doesn't use it? Anyway, after watching these commercials you decide your whiny heinie requires Charmin Ultra. After using it, you discover its softness level does not agree with your tushy, or it rubs your no-no square the wrong way. Do you attempt to return the used portion of said TP?
LEM: No. That would be preposterous.
CP: Why?
LEM: It's disgusting and I'd never touch it.
CP: Nor would I. Nor would I expect you to attempt to return a half-used roll. Also disgusting and unsanitary.
LEM: Well I am going to talk to the owner.
CP: Okay. You're putting in an awful lot of work for a $3.00 oral cleansing device.
LEM: It's the principle.
CP: Of what? Proving you can bully people into doing whatever you want, bending them to your will simply because you want it that way?
LEM: Yes.
CP: Please. Feel free to discuss it with the owner.

<next day>

Owner Of Our Pharmacy's Stuff: Anything exciting happen while I was away?
CP: A lady asked to exchange a toothbrush. Said she was going to call you.
OOOPS: Did you exchange it?
CP: It was used.
OOOPS: Seriously? People never cease to amaze me. It used to be all you had to do was explain the rules and they'd obey. Now everything is a challenge.
CP: Can I get more tech help?
OOOPS: Sure.
CP: Thanks.

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