Sounds more amazing than it is. In some pharmacies, this is the only item they will ever be asked to "compound" for patients. However, as straightforward as this prescription appears to be, there remains a great deal of ambiguity around its formula. The problem is, there really exists no single recipe for it. There are as many possible ways to assemble this as there are prescribers to write for it. Each believes his or her own to be the one true king. As a result, conversations like this will ensue:
Clueless Office Staff Person Lamely Answering You: Dr. Zoffis. How may I help you?
CP: I am CP.
COSPLAY: OMG! The great CP is calling my office? What did we do?
CP: Well, you are not a local office to my pharmacy. You're over an hour away and as such, I am unfamiliar with your local customs.
COSPLAY: Ok. What is it you need?
CP: Magic Mouthwash.
COSPLAY: Yes. She writes it all the time.
CP: Apparently the pharmacies near you are used to this from her. Round these parts, we ask our prescribers to write ingredients and directions on their prescriptions.
COSPLAY: She writes this all the time.
CP: I heard you. Now please extend the same courtesy and hear me. She simply wrote "Magic Mouthwash". There is no amount to dispense. There are no directions for mixing. There are no ingredients. Does she want a 1:1:1 ratio of Maalox, Benadryl, and Lidocaine? Does she like the fancier version with Nystatin? Or Dexamethasone? Or Doxycycline?
COSPLAY: I don't know that. She writes it all the time.
CP: Then you should know what she uses. Does she have a recipe somewhere in the office?
COSPLAY: I've never seen one.
CP: Would it be possible to trouble her for the answers I seek?
COSPLAY: She's in a procedure right now.
CP: Of course.
COSPLAY: Can't you just give her the usual?
CP: That's like me flying to Saskatchewan, walking into a random bar I've never visited and asking the bartender to give me "my usual".
COSPLAY: Well she writes it all the time.
CP: I'm guessing you were hired to answer phones and the only qualifications asked of you were: "can you say 'Hello?' in a sweet voice?" and "can you make appointments in the computer?".
COSPLAY: She writes it all the time. Just give her the usual.
CP: Okay. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to tell you what I'm going to write on the prescription. I'm going to put your name on it as the person who approved it. Then I'm going to fill it and give it to the patient. Verstehen?
COSPLAY: Okay. I'm not going to end up on one of your posts...am I?
CP: Sorry. I'm mentally writing as we are concluding our business.
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