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Friday, September 12, 2014

If Patients Treated Their Prescribers' Offices as They Treat Us...

... and I am certain they do. It is something we share. A common bond. Like a school shares germs and a lice outbreak. I would be interested in hearing how the conversations I have at the pharmacy sound at the office...

1.Just call in whatever you called in for me last time.
2. Just call it in wherever you sent it last time.
(I'll just go wherever I think that is anyway and yell at them.)
3. I don't know what it is. It's right there in my chart. Can't you just look it up?
4. What do you mean the pharmacy didn't fax you?! I was right there when she clicked "fax". She said she sent it. I watched her.
5. What do you mean I have to call my own pharmacy and have them request a refill? I'm standing right here!
6. I need everything refilled I've had prescribed over the last year. Yes. Of course I mean the yeast infection cream from last January! I said everything, didn't I? No. Not the inhaler stupid.
7. It's my pre-med! I need it now! My dentist appointment is right now and I was supposed to take this a half hour ago but you people didn't open until now so it's all your fault if I have to reschedule!
8. I've been on this for years. What do you mean "no refills until I come in for an appointment!"? He said I'd be on this until I die.
(Apparently he is trying to hasten my demise.)
9. What do you mean I have a $20 copay? Did you bill my insurance? Why the hell do I pay so much to have premium insurance if you're going to charge me $20 every time.
10. Well the other doctor I go to across town doesn't charge me anything.
11. My pharmacy said my office visit would be $4.
12. They said this exam was on your "Free" list.
13. What do you mean I have to wait for my appointment? There's no one here in this waiting room.
14. All you have to do is put me in a room and squeeze that little bulb thingy.
15. Wow. You guys must be slow today. There's no one here.
16. How long is this going to take? I just picked up ice cream from the grocery store and it's melting in my car.
17. I need the little white one, the oblong white one, the roundish off-white one, and some green or blue tablet or capsule or something plus my cream or ointment...or maybe the gel. <click>
18. No I do not have my insurance card with me. I've been coming here since before you were born.
19. No, I've never been seen but my husband has. It's all the same information.
20. Why do you need my date of birth? I'm not telling you that. That's private. You're going to steal my identity.

Receptionist: How may I help you?
Every Patient: I need to speak to the doctor.
Receptionist: Is there something I can help you with?
EP: No. I just need to speak to the doctor.
Dr. Zoffis: How may I help you?
EP: I need to schedule an appointment...

Receptionist: Ma'am, why are you ripping pages out of all our magazines?
Proactive Patient: I'm taking out all the drug ads so I know what to tell the doctor I need today.

Receptionist: <picks up phone> Hello?
PP: What's taking so long?
Receptionist: Are you calling me from the waiting room?
PP: Yes.

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