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Monday, January 31, 2022

I Don't Wanna Hold Your Hand

Upcoming Pharmacy Student: School is hard. 
CP: But worth it. 
UPS (Pronounced OOPS): What's harder?
CP: Adulting. 
UPS: I can only imagine. 
CP: Can you order a pizza? 
UPS: Pshaw. Duh. 
CP: Can you pick it up?
UPS: Natch. 
CP: Can you brush your teeth and make yourself study and pay your bills and set an alarm to get to class and work on time? 
UPS: Uh-huh. Why the interrogation? 
CP: Adulting is hard. 
UPS: How do you mean?
CP: I've been at this a while and I don't believe I have had to hold patients' hands to the extent now required of me. 
CPP: This is where CP pulls out a vignette, a tale phrom recent history to show you how this relates. A little Aesop-esque without the phulphilling phable phinish. 
UPS: Oh. A lesson.
CP: I'll take it phrom here. 
Rude Ass Bitch Is Demeaning: I need my medications. 
CP: Doesn't everybody? 
RABID: I'm more important. 
CP: Of course you are. They are out for delivery. 
RABID: They were supposed to be here yesterday. 
CP: There was this huge storm? Maybe you heard about it on the news? Or felt it in the air? Or saw it with your eyes as you passed a window?
RABID: Yeah? So?
CP: So we couldn't deliver anything yesterday. In fact, we only had half staff to phill prescriptions yesterday as well. 
RABID: I need my stuff. 
CP: We have been trying to catch up on yesterday's deliveries as well as making today's. Our drivers have the deliveries, it's just taking them longer. They will be there. 
RABID: That's not my problem. 
CP: It appears that it is. Our drivers can only deliver as quickly as the roads allow them. 
RABID: I need my medications. 
CP: So does everyone else. Despite what your momma told you, you're not special. You're unique, just like everyone else though. If you'd like to help, you are always welcome to receive your prescriptions the old fashioned way. 
RABID: How's that? 
CP: Drive to the pharmacy and pick them up yourself. 
RABID: I can't drive. The roads are too bad. 

CPP: I remember the good old days. Back in the late teens. 
UPS: 19-teens?
CPP: Smart ass. Twenty-teens. Way back then, there was no curbside service and limited delivery. People had to get in their cars and drive to leave their houses. They had to forage the aisles and restaurants for their own groceries and meals. 
UPS: The horror. The horror!
CP: Now they can request grocery deliveries, meal deliveries, and pet food and prescription deliveries from their couches. With all of life's current conveniences, the only thing they can't get delivered is something to complain about. 
CPP: So they call everyone to bitch their conveniences aren't convenient enough. 
UPS: She really bitched that much? 
CP: She called every 42 minutes for nearly 7 hours until, we assume, she either received her delivery, her phone died because no one was available to plug it in phor her, or she died. 
CPP: Either way, everyone was satisfied. 

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