Delivery That Doesn't Deliver

ME: Name one business practice that pharmacy adopted that revolutionized the profession. 

MICE ELF: Drive-thru. 

ME, MICE ELF, and I: lololololololololol

ME: Seriously. 

MICE ELF: Delivery. 

CP: You would think that. Until you offer it. 

MICE ELF: How do you mean? 

CP: Instead of fixing a number of issues with patients, it creates its own subset. It even makes others worse. 

ME: Well they can't be about compliance. 

MICE ELF: Sure they can. "Stop sending this to me! I have too much already."

CP: Or the driver is on the porch, banging on the door, shouting, whilst calling the patient's phone and finally leaves. Later, the patient calls and says "I don't answer my phone. I don't know who's banging on my door. They should've knocked louder." 

ME: When the message in the patient's profile says "bang loudly on door as patient is deaf and/or playing video games in the basement".

MICE ELF: It's also not as if we didn't call before we left to warn her we would be there between 1pm and 3pm. 

CP: Just today. We texted a patient to let him know our driver had left with his medication. We told him he could expect it within two hours. His response?

MICE ELF: Yeah?

CP: "Do not expect me to be here, I'm not waiting around 2 hours."

ME: To which you replied?

CP: "Guess you'll have to pick them up while you're out and about. Sorry for the CONVENIENCE!" If you can be there for the cable guy, your DoorDash, or anything else that comes to. your. front. door, you can be there for your drugs. 

ME: Or the curbside recently. 

MICE ELF: Sorry. We only have two people here right now. Half our store is out with COVID and our phones are ringing off the hook. We will be out shortly. 

CP: Yeah. She waited in front of our doors, staring at us for 4 minutes, gesticulating wildly. Finally, she stepped out of her car, parked askew on the sidewalk even, slammed her door, stomped into our store and complained about the inconvenience of being 20 feet away yet powerless to get her own medication. 

ME: You got legs? Use them! 

CP: But the delivery people remain the worst. You don't even have to get out of bed to have groceries, meals, medications, weed, alcohol, TV, movies, entertainment delivered to your door yet they are somehow a burden on you; dare I say an inconvenience even? 

MICE ELF: Dare! Dare!

ME: Remember your post from about 7 or 8 years ago? 

MICE ELF: Yeah! The Phuture of Pharmacy! I still love that one. 

CP: I may have to repost soon to see how my predictions have aged. The only service we don't offer, currently, is having someone take your medications for you. Talk about being touchless contact. Maybe I'll update that for later this week. Until then, I guess we just learn all the secret knocks each patient requires as we attempt to place their medications directly into their hands and are met with inexplicable resistance. 

#ResistanceIsFutile 

#Assimilate