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Thursday, September 28, 2017

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

People are assholes.
That could be my post every day.
Just a picture of a person, or No One, with the word "asshole" scribbled across it.
But there is more to life, and retail, than assholes.

Except for today.
Today is the asshole post.

We try to be nice to our patients.
We do a rather good job IMHO. (Despite the few whiny bitches on our customer scorecard; you know the ones who get their feathers ruffled for some perceived slight against their ego.)
When your patients keep coming back and say lovely things about you, that's all you need for validation, despite what corporate thinks.

To this end, we keep kibble for the K-9s at the drive-thru and stickers and suckers (when mom approves) for the children. (Make the kids happy and mom is happy. When mom is happy, everybody is happy.)

We do everything possible to provide nice things for people.
Until assholes happen.
Always keep in mind the assholes.

Don't demand pet treats at the drive-thru.
Sometimes we run out.
We buy these with our own money because corporate is too cheap to let us grab a box off the shelf out front.
It's a courtesy.
Say "thank you" and move on.
The next time you come back and we don't have them?
Oh, sorry. Some asshole complained we forgot to offer his spoiled bitch a treat so we had to do away with this customer friendly program. (His dog wanted a treat too . . .)
Here's the asshole's phone number.

Or you could have this guy we had last week:
CP: Have a nice day! (offering sucker to little rapscallion)
Rapscallion's Mom: You're so sweet. We love you!

There Was A Time People Once Cared Kids Enjoyed Things: Suckers?
CP: They are.
TWATPOCKET: Do I get one too?
CP: Were you a good little boy?
CP: Sure. You may pick one.
TWATPOCKET: Can I have a bag for my medicine?
CP: Sure.
TWATPOCKET: <reaches in to barrel of Dum Dums and withdraws full contents>
TWATPOCKET: <befuddled look on face> What?
CP: One. You get one. Those are for kids.
TWATPOCKET: They're free, right?
CP: Not to assholes. You can buy yourself a bag of Dum Dums over in the next aisle. I suppose you're going to steal candy from the kids at Halloween next month too.
TWATPOCKET: That's not fair.
CP: Keep crying and you won't even get an Iron Man sticker to hold your bumper to the back of your truck.

"Counting all the assholes in room. Well I'm definitely not alone. Well I'm not alone.
You're a liar, you're a cheater, you're a fool."

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