Your Student = Your Responsibility

Simple.

According to the State Board of Pharmacy, the one that gives me my license to play pharmacist, I am allowed to have an apprentice. Intern. I am responsible for her training. I am responsible for everything she does. My license is on the line as I am the one signing off on her. 

Apparently, the rules are different when it comes to prescribers. 

As if hospitals were not impossibly organised, let's add practising prescribers to prescribers who practise. Never mind trying to reach the actual prescriber of the patient's discharge medication. Sometimes I think it's some random person in a lengthy white coat that happened by as the patient wanted to leave. 

Here's the problem and #WhyYourPrescriptionTakesSoLong. 

CP: We have to call the person who wrote this prescription. 

Pt: Why? 

CP: Well, you're on Medicaid and for some reason, hospitals have yet to learn to register all their new students with the State. Either that or they leave it up to the individual students themselves which is terrible policy. Either way, we need another prescriber to okay this medication or you have to pay. 

Pt: Well, you know I'm not paying so get on it. 

CP: Right. 

<rings hospital>

CP: I am trying to reach Dr. Zoffis. He wrote a prescription for this patient on 4H. 

Hospital Answer Lady 9000: Let me page him for you. 

CP: Thanks. 

HAL9000: No answer. He's a new resident so he may not be receiving pages. I can call his attending. 

CP: Go for it.

HAL9000: I paged him. 

CP: Okay. Should I hang up? 

HAL9000: No. Please hold. 

CP: <sings entirety of Aenema while on hold>

HAL9000: Still there? 

CP: Wouldn't behoove me to cut communications at this point. 

HAL9000: He didn't answer so I will try again. 

CP: Can't you just take my number and have him call me back? 

HAL9000: Definitely not. Hospital policy mandates that we attempt to page the prescriber 3 times before taking a message. 

CP: So I have to sit on hold for 7 minutes per attempt so you can page a prescriber who could be in the ER, in surgery, or dropping the kids off at the pool because of some stupid policy? 

HAL9000: Correct. Please hold. 

CP: <sings Break Stuff and starts Hangman's Body Count>

HAL9000: Hello? 

CP: Just go with Round 3 so I can get off hold. 

HAL9001: Oh, you've already been through twice? 

CP: Yes. 

HAL9001: Give me your information and I'll have him call you. 

CP: Thanks. 

<1 hour later>

Herr Dr.: I received a page? 

CP: You did. No question about it. I need you to sign off on this prescription one of your students wrote. They are not licensed with Medicaid and the patient won't pay the full cost. 

HD: I'm not going to do that. 

CP: Huh? 

HD: I remember the patient's name but that's it. I'm not signing off on it. 

CP: Is Dr. Zoffis one of your students? 

HD: Yes. I met him once. 

CP: Then who can I get to authorise this prescription? 

HD: I don't know. Maybe try the Endo specialist group. 

<calls Endo Group>

CP: Can you help with this? 

EG: We don't even know who that patient is. 

CP: Is this one of your students, Dr. Zoffis? 

EG: Maybe. We get so many I never learn their names or faces. 

CP: Helpful.

Pt: Did they phix it?
CP: Nope. Apparently no one cares about you once you leave the facility.
Pt: So what do I do now?
CP: I just put the attending's name on it.
Pt: Who was it?
CP: Douche Baggins.
Pt: I remember him. Thanks!