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Friday, December 4, 2015


Fairly Average Patient Purporting Extensive Research: What is a good recommendation for phlu prevention this time of year, my good chemist?
CP: First, thank you for asking. Tis kind of you to put so much faith in your local pharmacist. I am humbled by your respect.
FAPPER: You are the go-to source for all things medication related.
CP: I'm blushing...To answer your question, there are a number of things you can do. Start with your annual phlu shot, continue with good hygiene habits, (wash hands, cough into your arm, try not to breathe around people), stay home when you are sick, and rest when your body needs it.
FAPPER: Sounds pretty easy.
CP: Basic stuff, in fact.
FAPPER: What about natural OTC remedies?
CP: Such as?
FAPPER: Oscillococcinum?
CP: It works as well as my other favourite recommendation.
FAPPER: What's that?
CP: Well, before I go to bed each night, I make myself a VPL. I take phresh cloves of garlic, drill holes through them, then string them together to make a necklace. I wear it to bed each night. When I wake I am rephreshed, and, more importantly, alive.
CP: Vampire Protection Lei. It wards off the vampires so I don't wake in the morning with holes in my neck, pale from exsanguination.
FAPPER: Vampires don't exist.
CP: How do you know?
FAPPER: I just do.
CP: How can you prove they don't?
FAPPER: I just know.
CP: Ah. Well, I believe in them. My faith in their existence is further proven by the fact that I awake each morning having not been drained by them.
FAPPER: That makes no sense.
CP: It is as logical as your belief in Oscillococcinum.


  1. Most of the time, just telling my patients that it's made of duck liver and heart, watered down 1 part liver/heart and 100 parts water, done 200 times, is enough to turn them away from this ineffective product. That, and saying that it's been studied and it's no better than placebo.