I. NEED. IT!

ME: I see that vein popping on your head again. 

CP: Is it really that noticeable?  

MICE ELF: It is. What's got your knickers in a twist?

CP: Chronic Vaginal Secretions. 

ME: Yeah. I never know what I'm going to find in there. 

MICE ELF: Ew. 

CP: Their inventory management is atrocious. If I dispense a medication, I need to replenish it so I have more for next time, right?

ME: Normally. You can't sell what you don't have. 

MICE ELF: Remember we used to hate it when <other company> had a 90% rule?

ME: Yeah. As long as we had 90% of the needed inventory for the next refill, they didn't send us more. 

MICE ELF: That really sucked when we had 27 caps in a Nexium bottle and the patients always received 30. 

CP: But at least we could tweak it. You can't quick order anything for Chronic Vaginal Secretions. 

ME: Why not? 

CP: They don't allow it. 

MICE ELF: How do they get more inventory? Especially if it's needed for the next day?

CP: They have to place it out of stock. That way, the computer sees the store has a need for it and, hopefully, it arrives the next day. 

ME: Which I'm guessing doesn't happen?

CP: Not unless you cycle count it to zero first. Then you have to check the order that prints at night to make sure what you need is on it. Otherwise, it won't be there and you'll have pissed off patients. 

ME: I'm guessing this happens. A lot. 

CP: Why do they tell their patients "I'm sorry but it's out of stock. It will be here tomorrow" when they know full well it won't? Then the patient comes back two days later, expecting the medication and is told "we ordered it but it didn't come in and I don't know why but it should be here tomorrow.".

CP: How do you "not know"? Either it was ordered or it wasn't. Either it's available, or it isn't. "When it comes in" isn't an answer either. Find out!

MICE ELF: Sounds like you observed this personally?

CP: Yeah, when family members start calling me to complain about Chronic Vaginal Secretions, all I can do is shrug, listen to their stories, and confirm them with my phriends who work there. 

ME: Maybe it's on backorder?

CP: Nice try. Except I use Cardinal where I work, same as them. I looked up the medication. It was in stock. Readily available. I could order (and did) for the next day. I mailed it. If I can order it and have it the next day, why can't they? Why do they make their ordering so complicated? 

ME: You sound like a disgruntled employee. 

CP: Not at all. I am perfectly gruntled. All of my stores (multiple pharmacies and stores-it's an average) have had ~$300,000 in inventory and dispensed over 2000 Rx's/week. I never had as many out of stocks as my phriends' stores that are working for Chronic Vaginal Secretions. Their stores often have over $1.5M in inventory. 

MICE ELF: That is a lot of inventory. 

CP: A lot of wrong inventory. 

ME: They claim it's because they saved $0.11 per 1000-ct bottle of Metformin by buying it in bulk and, over 10k stores, it adds up so they force it into the stores. 

MICE ELF: Yet they won't let, or don't trust, the pharmacists to order what they NEED when they need it. 

CP: Exactly. Which is why I get calls asking why, if an order was placed on Monday, and the drug is readily available, my family and friends don't have their medication(s) or any clue as to when they will get it as of Friday. This is not the patient's fault for ordering too late. This is a testament to how slippery Chronic Vaginal Secretions can be when it comes to inventory. They are setting up their staff to fail with this horrible inventory management system. They are the only company I know that doesn't have Inventory as a bonus category or a controllable expense by their pharmacist in charge. 

ME: Feel better?

MICE ELF: Nope. Vein is still there, just-a-poppin'. 

CP: Simply put: If I can get it, and neighbouring stores/competitors can get it, Why. Can't. YOU? Again, I realise this is mostly beyond the control of the staff, for the most part, but not being able to simply quick order a needed product for the next day is irritating. I could never work under these conditions. 

ME: You just really wanted to complain about your family member's recent experiences while also coining the phrase "Chronic Vaginal Secretions" to represent "that chain", didn't you?

CP: Yes. And to work in gruntled. 

ME: You are quite the cunning linguist.