ME: Have you ever noticed how people will scratch their heads when they hear mention of lice?
MICE ELF: Or when we see, receive, or fill prescriptions for said condition?
CP: Yes. But why do people not have a similar reaction to hearing about other conditions and filling other medications?
ME and MICE ELF: Like what?
CP: Sympathy erections upon filling Viagra?
ME: Like guys feeling a sudden Penile Pulse Pounding?
CP: Sure. Or women with a sudden, sympathetic itch and burn when filling Diflucan?
MICE ELF: Twin Twat Twinge!
ME: Say that 3 times fast!
CP: Seriously though. Why can everyone describe having a reflex reaction to the mere mention of lice or seeing a script for Nix/Rid/Natroba but nothing else elicits such a physiological response?
MICE ELF: They're bugs?
ME: Yeah. Bugs are creepy.
CP: They're insects.
ME: Phine. But I still think pubic lice should be called Crotch Spiders.
MICE ELF: How is that better than Crabs?
CP: Try it out. First, announce that you have pubic lice. Then say "I have crabs". Then tell someone you are afflicted with Crotch Spiders.
ME: First, lice are not arachnids. Second, I'm pretty sure no one ever wants to hear anyone ever bragging about Crotch Spiders.
CP: I thought it might make them sound less awful.
MICE ELF: Let ME finish.
ME: Third, I really have a horrible image of a spider egg sac with thousands of spiderlings just erupting around someone's naughty bits. How can that be less awful? You really need to get outside and let your brain walk around a bit.
MICE ELF: Yeah, these long hours inside are rotting your mind.
CP: Seriously though? Why does the topic of lice elicit this and nothing else? Hello? Some days I feel as if I'm talking to myself.
Post a Comment