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Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Zombie Apocalypse - COVID-19 Version

CP: I was going through the archives recently and guess what I found?
ME: Your dignity?
MICE ELF: A soul?
CP: Haha. Phunny. No. I found my Zombie Apocalypse post from 2013.
ME: Refresh our memory.
CP: "Pharmacy would be the worst place to be during the initial outbreak of a Zombie Apocalypse. Think about this...

Where is the first place people will go for advice for their initial symptoms?
Where else do people herd around each other in tight-knit groups to ensure complete lack of privacy?
Ever see Contagion? Rise of the Planet of the Apes? See how that spreads?

In World War Z, people were fighting over bottled water and canned goods. The pharmacist was dispensing...with a gun. No one was asking him for the 512's.

Since I do have the keys however, I could imagine being camped out in there for some time. Coping with it would be so much easier. I'm just not sure I want to be at work when it all starts. While we are quite savvy and resourceful, there is not much of a defense to be mounted with vials and counting trays. I'm not sure my sharpened spatula qualifies as a Katana."

MICE ELF: Wow. And that was 7 years ago?
CP: It was.
ME: Except it was hand sanitizer and toilet paper.
MICE ELF: Why did you dig this one out of the vault?
CP: My prediction was accurate. We were the first group of people to be visited. Everyone came to us for thermometers, TP, sanitizer, alcohol, aloe, masks, and gloves. They complained about a cough while getting in our faces. They touched everything in our stores. They bellied up to the 36" deep counter and leaned over it asking questions.
ME: And despite orders to the contrary, they continue to visit us in the same numbers.
CP: As I said then, "people herd around each other in tight-knit groups to ensure a complete lack of privacy". It took mandates of social-distancing (which should be termed "physical-distancing") to force people to provide space.
MICE ELF: Well, that and tape on the floors.
ME: What's your wish with this (re)post?
CP: That physical barriers will be erected to "close the pharmacy".
- That all negative customer service scores be immediately thrown out as it regards a pharmacist's bonus percentage.
- That, if corporations are going to continue to force us to work during this crisis, we should be protected and receiving their fullest support.
- That companies exploit their business as a critical, front-line healthcare job by promoting us as the critical service providers we are. (Instead of making the news for NOT providing basic protections for their employees.)
ME: It would be nice if the media opinion of the major pharmacies in this country was "US Pharmacists and Techs on the front-lines helping people get their medications as companies offer full support of curbside pickup, delivery and personal shopping amid concern for their employees' and patients' health and safety."
MICE ELF: How'd you type that without laughing.
CP: It doesn't hurt to dream.
ME: What's your next prediction?
CP: Barriers will be erected and my dream of "closing the pharmacy" will be nearly realised. (Except I know they won't completely cover the 40 linear feet of open airspace.)
ME: Yeah. It'll be the size of a police officer's riot shield.
CP: Like sticking a butterfly bandage on a severed limb.
MICE ELF: Buuuuuut?
CP: But we will have to take bets on how long after this crisis is over before these companies remove the barriers and put us back at risk.
ME: Instead of being prepared for the next outbreak or continuing to care about their employees' safety and welfare?
CP: "Despite all my rage. . . "

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