Lame Pharmacy Jokes, Again

Insulin Using Dude: I need to get my diabetic stuff refilled.

CP: Ok. What do you need? 

IUD: My supplies. 

CP: Needles? Strips? Lancets? 

IUD: I think so. I'm not sure. 

CP: Ok. I'll get it all ready. Your copay total will be $175.00. 

IUD: That's a lot. 

CP: Do you need insulin? 

IUD: No. I have some left. I really can't afford all of those today. 

CP: Well I can't choose for you. What are you currently out of? 

IUD: I have enough insulin for the weekend but I need the needles to make it work. I can't take it all right now. 

CP: Got it. You can't take it all right now. So. . . 

IUD: So what? 

CP: Just the tips?

Uber-Intern: That was so wrong.
CP: I know.
UI: What's really phunny is that people won't believe you actually had this conversation recently.
CP: It's phunnier because it's true.
UI: Another phor your "lame joke" file, I assume.
CP: Indeed. 

Big Shoulders

--8:31am--
CP: I see that we received a new Rx for DAGWOOD for his Lexapro 10mg.
Uber-Tech: Yeah. He called the other day looking for it.
CP: I'll have to counsel him. It appears as if they changed him from his previous fill of 20mg. I wonder if they're tapering him off it, replacing it eventually, or adding something new.
UT: I'll let you know when he arrives.

--11:38am--
Deserved Aged Guy Wanting Of One's Drugs: I am here to retrieve my new Rx.
UT: Sure thing. CP has a question for you.
CP: Your prescriber sent over a new Rx today.
DAGWOOD: I know! I've been waiting for days.
CP: Right. This is for 10mg. Were you expecting a change in dose? You had been receiving the 20mg for months now.
DAGWOOD: Yes. My new Rx is supposed to be for 10mg.
CP: If you have some of the 20mg remaining you may halve them should you choose not to waste them. Or you could hang on to them should you go back to that dose.
DAGWOOD: Thanks.
CP: Enjoy your new 10mg Rx.
DAGWOOD: I will, now that I finally have it.

--1:33pm--
<phone rings>
CP: Chello?
DAGWOOD: You gave me the wrong ones!
CP: Really?
DAGWOOD: YES! It's supposed to be 20mg.
CP: Ok. Well you'll have to get a new Rx from your prescriber or you can double the 10mg you received earlier today.
DAGWOOD: You should just give me a new bottle for free.
CP: You're cute, and funny. I realise it's Christmas and all but. . . How do you figure?
DAGWOOD: It was your mistake!
CP: <laughs>
DAGWOOD: I fail to find humour in this!
CP: And I fail to find logic in your, um, logic. You received a new Rx with a new dose. We verified the drug, strength, and dosing with you during our consultation at pickup. You verbally replied "yes" to each question; that you knew there was a change made. At what point is this my fault?
DAGWOOD: Why would my doctor change it?
CP: That's why we ask. Typically we don't make your office visits with you. We expect that you actually attend your scheduled appointments, have a discussion with the office, then leave with either an Rx in hand, or assertion that one will be transmitted for you anon.
DAGWOOD: Well what do I do now?
CP: Have your hearing tested. We had a conversation, you and I, during which you actively participated. You then complained your prescriber changed your medication unbeknownst to you. I then explained that you should call your prescriber and that you could double the 10mg Rx you received just hours ago, if you believe the 20mg should be correct. I'm pretty sure the common denominator here is your ears.
DAGWOOD: So you're not giving me more?
CP: No. I have given you all that you need. Merry Christmas!

UT: That was rough.
CP: Yes. After this conversation, I'd swear I was talking to a millennial. They don't know how to find answers. They want to know all the answers, but they don't know what to do with them once they have them and, worse yet, they don't know how to find them unless you directly stick their noses in it.
UT: Bad dog!

How To Bring Down Satan

like al capone and tax evasion

little things: 

-state audits

->180 days from written date (state dependent)

-ins billing fraud 

(misbilling/labeling/branding, esp OTC NDCs)

-not calling to verify rx's

-Just put them on auto refill
 -we're filling old drugs/strengths/quantities/days supplies which adds time because we now have to enter notes to counsel at pickup about which is correct. or the system tries to fill old rx's from many months prior for no reason

She's Just Not That Into You

ME: What's today's topic, CP? 

CP: Masochism. 

MYSELF: Come again? 

ME: <titters>

CP: As in "a taste for suffering".

ME: Odd. 

MYSELF: Not odd. Totally normal. 

CP: Anyway. I was reading complaints people had sent me and hearing their stories about how their bosses were telling them to apologise. I remembered a few of my personal complaints where people were being assholes to my techs despite repeated warnings from ME. 

ME: I like to give them a chance to realise their behaviour is not welcome. 

CP: If I have to step in, it's their last chance. If they have a problem with me, then decide to complain, our relationship is over. 

MYSELF: What does this have to do with suffering? 

CP: As I was reading the latest complaint about a situation where following the law trumped the patient's desires, I asked MYSELF "Why do we work so hard to retain people who hate us?". 

MYSELF: To which I replied "good question". 

CP: People will write bad reviews, call after every visit and complain, or cause a scene. Go away. Maybe something will change. Maybe. Take some time off from here. You can always return in the phuture. 

ME: It's like going to a restaurant, getting bad service, and continuing to go there, and continuing to give them severely negative Yelp reviews. 

MYSELF: Better yet, it's more like being in a toxic relationship. Sometimes you just need to break up with your SO. It's not working out anymore. If one partner or the other is abusive, GTFO. I'm pretty certain your phriends aren't going to stand behind the abuser's behaviour just to watch you suffer. 

CP: Precisely. Which then begs the question, If only a baby's handful of patients are unhappy, why are we focusing so much time, effort, and energy on making them less unhappy? Shouldn't we focus these resources on the people who actually like us? Wouldn't that be more impactful? 

ME: As you put it to me: "If we keep bad people, we will both be miserable".

MYSELF: You're right. That makes no sense. 

CP: Negativity is infectious. We don't try to make the cancer happy and comfortable so it can continue to grow in peace before ultimately destroying us. We excise it. 

ME: I think next time this happens, you should respond to the complaint with a TV show sendoff. 

CP: Dear patient, thank you for voicing your concerns, again, about how we don't have a drive-thru, how you get too many/few calls/texts, and how our business hours are not convenient for you despite being open 84 out of 168 hours a week. After a store conclave, we have decided to vote you off the island. 

#TheTribeHasSpoken

#YouveBeenChopped

#PleasePackYourKnivesAndGo

MYSELF: That'll probably get us a complaint. 

ME: #GoodDay

#IfWeKeepBadPeopleWeWillBothBeMiserable

Honesty

ME: What's new this week, CP?
CP: Just thinking about something a patient said to me last week.
MICE ELF: Oh? Do tell.
CP: He said "I like you."
ME: Was he high?
CP: No. He continued by saying that he liked my honesty.
MICE ELF: I suppose that is a worthy attribute to which many professionals should aspire.
CP: But he qualified it with: "You're direct. Some people don't like that and take that as being arrogant but you don't sugarcoat the truth. It may not be what they want to hear, but you simply restate it for them."
ME: Nice.
MICE ELF: Why were you reflecting on this nice compliment?
CP: I've always believed in being honest. Whether it's the brutal or plain kind, giving the facts is the best course.
ME: You have a need to be right, don't you?
CP: Perhaps. I just don't let people's emotions interfere with my facts.
MICE ELF: Was this that transfer from last month?
CP: Yes.
ME: About the guy who argued with you?
CP: Yes.
MICE ELF: Why were you reflecting on that particular interaction?
CP: His mom came in the other day and tried to get a refund. We explicitly told her, if she paid cash and bypassed the insurance, there was a good chance we could not refund her; especially if the prior authorisation was not backdated. Not only were the prescriptions transferred to another pharmacy, but the insurance changed from the previous month and it had been over 5 weeks since they picked up the prescriptions.
ME: So he sent his mommy in to face you?
CP: Which made me think: I love being honest. It gives me great pleasure when people are so embarrassed about making fools of themselves that that is the reason they transfer.
MICE ELF: How did his mommy respond?
CP: She was obviously unhappy and kept trying to provoke me. I kept repeating the facts and gave her a stern "I-told-you-so" about her assuming all the risk by paying cash which, at the time, she swore he needed "or he'd die".
ME: How'd that go over?
CP: She tried again to make me feel guilty for charging cash to someone who had insurance and that I should have known not to charge them. I told her "you can't have it both ways: either he's going to die without his Trazodone or he isn't. You made the choice to pay cash thereby making the decision for me. You can't say I took advantage when I advised against your decision".
MICE ELF: To which she replied?
CP: Something along the lines of the punchline to the Benzonatate joke.
ME: Why are Tesslon Perles prescribed?
MICE ELF: Fuh Cough.
CP: Pretty much. But there wasn't much venom behind it. It was a half-hearted attempt at best.
ME: He really transferred out of embarrassment?
MICE ELF: Then sent his mommy to fight for him?
CP: Yep. At least I like to believe that's the reason. I've had it happen a number of times.
ME: Classic.
CP: Remember, just because you don't want to hear it, that doesn't make it any less true.

I Saw It On Da Google

CP: Hey Uber-Tech. It's only 9:01 and I don't have a headache yet. Something's amiss.
UT: Wait for it.
<phone rings>
CP: CP's Drug Domicile. This is CP, Drug Dealer Du Jour. How may I help you?
NAME: There's this drug that used to be prescription but now it's OTC. Do you have it?
CP: Can you be a tad more specific?
NAME: You have to ask the pharmacist for it.
CP: I don't have to ask for it. I'm a pharmacist. That would be a weird conversation, me talking with myself.
MYSELF: <ahem!>
ME: <shhhh>
NAME: That's all I know.
CP: Well the list is rather long.
ME: Like these posts.
CP: Pretty much everything in our OTC section was, at one time, a prescription medication. How about a class? Indication? Use?
NAME: It's spelled something like "B" and "U" or "O" or something.
CP: Helpful. Where did you see this product?
NAME: Online. They said you have to ask the pharmacist for it. I remember that.
CP: So you remember what it's for and how to get it, yet, when it comes to the critical part, "Ask the pharmacist for it by name", you can't remember the name?
NAME: You're the pharmacist. I thought you'd know.
CP: Did you happen to see anywhere else you could get it? Or try Amazon? Da Google?
NAME: No. It used to be prescription though.
CP: Do you remember the ingredient?
NAME: Yes. Hyo-Something.
CP: Then why don't you ask your prescriber for that?
NAME: Damn. I never thought of that. She'd do it for me no problem!
CP: Lucky the office has people to answer the phone for her.
MYSELF: Yeah. I feel bad for that secretary.
UT: Need that ibuprofen now?
CP: You mean the former Rx, now OTC, NSAID? Please!

(For the record, after some online research, it turned out to be Buscopan. Available in the UK but not in the US.)

I miss the old commercials that told people to "Ask for it by name". Hell, even Meow Mix ran a commercial that said "cats ask for it by name". If your cat can do that, shouldn't you be able as well?

#PeopleSeeWhatTheyWantToSee
#PeopleHearWhatTheyWantToHear
#TheDevilIsInTheDetails

Did You Though?

Saying "I watched him send it" is like saying "I watched him paint my portrait".
Sure, you sat there for the portrait.
Sure, he looked at you, dipped his brush in the colours on his palette, and placed some strokes on the canvas.
But did you actually SEE what he painted?
Especially odd if your artist was Dali, Escher, or Picasso.

Sure, you sat there facing him while he tapped his fingers on some keys on the computer.
But did you actually SEE what he typed?
Did you watch him select MY pharmacy?
Did you actually SEE the confirmation on the screen?
He could have been making lineup changes to his fantasy teams, moving the money from your visit into his "new car fund", or making dinner reservations.
Especially odd if you see Dr. Acula or Dr. Lechter.

"We only see what we want to see."

Boss Woman

CP's Partner: Did you listen to last month's conference call?
CP: I heard it, but I did not listen to it.
CPP: Did you hear Boss Lady Orating Words Making Excuses?
CP: I try to tune her out. If she says something important, I tell the techs to say BLOWME is calling on you. What did BLOWME say this time?
CPP: She issued one of her more contradictory statements to date.
CP: Do tell.
CPP: You know how we continue to lose hours and we can't seem to get ahead and our complaints are on the rise?
CP: Nope. Hadn't noticed. But please, continue for the others.
CPP: She said "I'm tired of hearing about staff and hour shortages".
CP: Please tell me someone said "Good! I'm tired of answering to patients about why we are behind, BLOWME. It's about time you finally did something about it!"
CPP: Alas, no one did. You really need to pay attention to these calls.
CP: Can't wait to see what next month's call is about. She reduced our staff budget by 33% during the holiday week and 10% for the week after. Our volume will not go down by the same amount just because some corporate pencil pusher thinks it will. I have yet to work a Thanksgiving week that fills 33% fewer prescriptions than a normal week.
CPP: Yeah. And let's not forget that the Monday after Thanksgiving is often one of the busiest days of the year. Good time to make cuts.
CP: Maybe they forgot the holiday is the very end of the month? Or that the following Monday, it's the first of the month?
CPP: <so cash your checks and get up!> This is how they contribute to their Christmas Club fund at corporate.
CP: Oh well, next time BLOWME decides to tell me she doesn't want to hear it, expecting it to just go away, I will remind her she can't just put her fingers in her ears, close her eyes, and mutter "lalalalalalalalalalalalala"and everything will get better. In fact, I will probably say, BLOWME, if you can ignore that which you no longer wish to hear, then I no longer wish to hear you complain about my performance, so I too will employ your tactics and ignore them. You're such a good leader, BLOWME, that you have taught me how to be a better boss in my own store so, BLOWME, I shall follow your example. Good day, BLOWME!

To quote a favourite author of mine, Caitlin Doughty, "But it's also reality, and reality doesn't change just because you don't like it."