CP: Welcome to CP's Pill Palace where we carry lots of medications. How may I help you?
Fussy Old Lady Likes Yelling: I am looking for Prevacid.
CP: <walks her out to "Aisle of Acid"> Here is our selection.
FOLLY: I do not see Prevacid.
CP: I have the Lansoprazole in our store brand. It is quite good.
FOLLY: No. I need the actual stuff.
CP: Well, unfortunately, it is unavailable.
FOLLY: But I need it.
CP: Oh, why didn't you just say that? In that case. . . it's still unavailable.
FOLLY: Why don't you have it?
CP: No one does. It was recalled last fall.
FOLLY: I've been to CVS, Rite Aid, Walmart, and a few grocery stores and no one has it!
CP: Have you asked them why? Or did you just decide to pick on me?
FOLLY: I got tired of looking so I asked you.
CP: Awesome. Anyway, no one has it because it is unavailable. There was a safety recall. It has not been on shelves since last September.
FOLLY: Well I guess I'll just keep looking.
CP: Apparently your symptoms are not that serious if you are stubborn enough to continue looking for a brand name product for near on 10 months. Perhaps give the store brand the old college try?
FOLLY: Nope. I need brand.
CP: Perhaps get a prescription from your prescriber?
FOLLY: No. This is the only one that works.
CP: Remember within the last decade when MAALOX and Mylanta were unavailable for over 3 years? The only alternative was to buy the store brands. Most people finally relented and purchased these only to discover that they were, in fact, exactly the same! Not only were they the same but they worked the same as the brand. (Some reports at the time had customers claiming they even worked better <gasp!>.)
FOLLY: I don't care. I'm going to keep looking.
CP: Good luck with that. Just please do me a favour.
CP: Don't bother the pharmacist with this wherever you stop next.
CP: Because she is going to tell you the same thing and it isn't fair for her to have the same, circumlocutional discussion with you.
FOLLY: Thanks for wasting my time.
CP: Any time. It's what I do best. Remember, you can give someone an education, but you can't make her take it.